A  LIVINGlli 
WITNESS 


^<y*'-''^^ 


PAtESEIPPEL 


T  1915  ) 


BX  9459  .K2  S4  1914 
Seippel,  Paul,  1858-1926. 
A  living  witness,  the  life 
of  Ad  ele  Kamm  /  by  Paul 


A    LIVING    WITNESS 
THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 


Life  and  death  are  alike  joy  to  meS 


i 


A    LIVING   WITNESS  ^m^J^ 


THE   LIFE   OF 
ADELE    KAMM 


paul'^seippel 


HODDER    AND    STOUGHTON 

LONDON       NEW  YORK      TORONTO 
MCMXIV 


TRANSLATED    BY 
OLIVE  WYON 


PREFACE 

TO    THE    FIFTH    FRENCH    EDITION 

'  One  of  the  greatest  needs  of  the  present  day,' 
said  Adele  Kamm,  *  is  for  a  succession  of  living 
witnesses.'  And  the  fact  that  this  Httle  book  has 
received  such  an  unexpectedly  warm  welcome  in 
all  quarters,  and  from  so  many  types  of  mind, 
proves  that  the  number  of  those  who  feel 
the  need  for  this  kind  of  living  apologetic 
is  indeed  large.  Adele  Kamm  herself  was,  and 
still  is,  one  of  these  '  living  witnesses '  whose  in- 
fluence is  far  greater  than  the  most  convincing 
arguments.  In  the  radiance  shed  by  such  a  life, 
carping  criticism  fades  away  like  morning  mists 
in  the  splendour  of  the  dawn.  We  feel  that  we 
are  in  the  presence  of  a  self-evident  truth,  with 
which  we  instinctively  agree. 

During  her  lifetime  it  was  the  young  invalid's 
kindly  custom  to  gather  in  her  room  a  circle 
of  visitors  holding  widely  divergent  views,  whom 


Vi  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

she  drew  together  by  the  force  of  her  own  per- 
sonaHty.  And  since  she  left  us  the  number  has 
been  daily  increasing  of  those  to  whom  she  is  the 
most  helpful  of  friends.  Her  gentle  influence  is 
felt  by  all  who  come  within  her  reach,  and  those 
who  would  otherwise  spend  their  time  in  profit- 
less controversies  are  being  united  by  her  spirit  of 
love. 

We  have  received  the  most  touching  letters 
from  all  kinds  of  people — ill  and  well,  behevers 
and  sceptics,  Protestants  and  Roman  Catholics. 
We  wish  it  were  possible  to  thank  each  of  these 
correspondents  (many  of  whom  we  do  not  know) 
for  their  kind  appreciation,  which  has  given  us 
great  pleasure.  At  the  same  time  we  should 
like  to  remind  them  that  the  author  disclaims 
any  share  in  the  chorus  of  admiration  evoked  by 
such  a  saintly  life.  To  be  allowed  to  witness  the 
development  of  such  a  character,  and  then  to 
record  it  for  the  good  of  others,  is,  in  his  opinion, 
a  sufficiently  high  honour. 

In  this  connection  perhaps  the  author  may  be 
allowed  to  quote  a  sentence  which,  it  seems  to 
him,  admirably  sums  up  the  general  tone  of  these 
letters,  and  of  the   various   articles  which  have 


PREFACE  vii 

appeared  in  newspapers  and  reviews  of  all  shades 
of  opinion.  The  writer  is  Victor  Giraud,  a 
Roman  Cathohc  of  strong  convictions  and  liberal 
views.  This  eminent  critic  of  the  Revue  des 
Deux  Mondes  would  have  been  better  pleased  if 
the  author  had  not  called  Adele  Kamm  '  a  Pro- 
testant saint.'  '  In  my  opinion,'  he  wrote  (in  a 
-letter  to  the  author),  'in  the  presence  of  such 
a  life  ecclesiastical  differences  should  disappear 
altogether.  We  ought  simply  to  bow  in  rever- 
ence before  it,  and  adore  the  great  miracle  of 
the  Christian  Faith.' 

Agreed ;  but  let  us  go  a  step  further  and  say, 
*  Such  lives  belong,  not  to  any  particular  Church, 
but  to  Humanity  at  large.'  Indeed,  it  has  been 
abundantly  proved  that  Adele  Kamm's  example 
has  helped  many  thoughtful  people  who  are  not 
professing  Christians. 

Surely,  as  we  gaze  at  all  this  suffering,  and  see 
the  way  in  which  it  was  transmuted  into  glorious 
joy,  we  must  confess  that  the  power  of  the  will  to 
live  is  as  great  to-day  as  it  has  ever  been  in  the 
past !  Our  thoughts  travel  back  to  that  critical 
moment  when  the  young  and  unknown  sufferer 
wrestled  alone  through  the  silent  hours  of  many 


viii  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

a  sleepless  night  against  the  tragedy  which 
threatened  to  overwhelm  her  life.  To  understand 
the  wonderful  effect  of  good  example,  let  us 
measure  the  result  of  the  victory  which  she  gained 
over  herself.  One  thing  stands  out  with  ever- 
increasing  clearness  :  by  reason  of  her  victory 
she  will  set  free  many  a  captive  soul  bound  by  the 
fetters  of  that  '  ungodly  sorrow,'  which,  instead 
of  leading  the  soul  upwards  towards  the  light, 
drags  it  down  into  the  depths  of  bitterness  and 
rebellion. 

We  are  dealing  here  with  incontrovertible 
facts.  Similar  proofs  lie  all  around  us,  and  we 
should  make  it  our  concern  to  look  for  them  in 
our  everyday  life,  for  they  will  give  us  an  inward 
certainty  far  beyond  the  power  of  any  creed  or 
dogma.  They  show  us  to  what  heights  of  char- 
acter man  may  attain.  P.  S. 


FOREWORD 

She  was  a  very  modest  girl.  As  long  as  we  had 
the  joy  of  her  presence  she  would  never  have 
wished  us  to  speak  of  her  publicly.  Who  indeed 
would  have  thought  of  doing  so  ?  There  are 
sacrifices  which  must  be  made  for  the  welfare  of  all, 
in  silence  and  retirement.  There  are  lives  whose 
gentle  beauty  shrinks  from  all  semblance  of  self- 
advertisement.  Death,  the  deliverer,  strikes  the 
hour  when  we  may  and  should  speak  of  them,  for 
it  is  right  that  they  should  be  widely  known,  since 
they  are  given  to  enrich  the  common  inheritance 
of  humanity  with  fresh  examples  of  heroism  and 
of  holiness. 

Adele  Kamm  made  Beethoven's  pregnant 
phrase  her  own  :  Durch  Leiden  Freude.  She 
climbed  the  steep  pathway  which  leads  through 
pain  to  joy,  the  joy  which  nothing  can  disturb. 
Even  through  her  sufferings,  which  she  accepted 
with  a  smile,  she  gave  joy  to  others. 


X  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

The  example  is  all  the  more  inspiring,  because 
the  victory  was  gained,  not  by  one  of  those  heroes 
of  whom  M.  Romain  Rolland  has  written,  to 
strengthen  us  for  the  darker  experiences  of  hfe, 
but  by  a  young  girl  chained  to  a  bed  of  pain. 
Each  of  us  should  feel  better  able  to  follow  it,  at 
least  at  a  distance. 

For  the  sake  of  those  who  are  called  to  suffer — 
and  which  of  us  is  not  ? — I  wish  to  tell  as  simply 
as  possible  the  story  of  this  short  and  fruitful  life. 
Putting  aside  my  personal  convictions,  which 
have  no  place  here,  I  shall  try  to  give  a  clear 
picture  of  Adele  Kamm's  experiences,  and  of  the 
religious  faith  by  which  she  was  upheld. 

I  wish  to  make  her  voice  heard,  and  not  my 
own.  She  will  bear  her  own  witness  on  almost 
every  page,  thanks  to  the  letters  which  her  mother, 
her  sister,  her  friends,  and  the  members  of  the 
Society  of  the  '  Coccinelles '  have  kindly  lent  me. 
To  them  all,  and  particularly  to  Madame  Kamm- 
Borgeaud,  and  M.  le  Pasteur  Hoffet,  I  wish  to 
make  my  grateful  acknowledgments.  Without 
their  help  I  could  not  have  brought  this  work  to 
a  satisfactory  conclusion.  They  have  under- 
stood   that,    whatever    may    have    been    Adele's 


FOREWORD  xi 

desire  to  remain  unknown,  it  was  necessary  when 
she  was  withdrawn  from  our  sight  that  her 
gracious  personaUty  should  be  allowed  to  shine 
as  far  and  as  brilliantly  as  possible. 

May  this  little  book  help  to  make  her  known 
as  she  really  was.  It  was  not  so  much  by  her 
clear  understanding,  by  her  quick  and  practical 
intelligence,  that  she  differed  from  many  other 
simple  girls  of  our  country.  Her  value  lay  in 
another  direction,  in  her  will-power  and  in  her 
heart.  If  we  would  estimate  her  aright,  we  must 
lay  aside  all  intellectual  pride  and  confess,  with 
Pascal,  that  the  supreme  greatness  of  man  lies 
dans  Vordre  de  la  charitL 


TRANSLATOR'S   NOTE 

The  Translator  desires  to  offer  her  thanks  to  the 
following  friends,  from  whom  she  has  received 
generous  help  and  valuable  counsel : 

The  Rev.  R.  A.  Aytoun,  M.A.,  Dr.  Rendel 
Harris,  Mr.  Basil  Mathews,  M.A.,  and  the  Rev. 
E.  Shillito,  M.A. ;  especially  to  one  of  them, 
who  has  translated  the  French  poems  into 
English  verse. 


CONTENTS 


pace: 
PREFACE    TO    THE    FIFTH    FRENCH    EDITION       ,  ,  .  V 


FOREWORD 


CHAPTER  I 

ANCESTRY    AND    ENVIRONMENT       .....  I 

CHAPTER  n 

CHILDHOOD    AND    EARLY    GIRLHOOD  ....  7 

CHAPTER  HI 

THE    EARLY    STAGES    OF    THE    ILLNESS     .  .  .  ,  I J 

CHAPTER   IV 

IN    THE    MOUNTAINS    .......  I^ 

CHAPTER   V 

THE    SECOND    VISIT    TO    LEYSIN       .....  27 

xiii 


xiv  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

CHAPTER  VI 

PACE 
IN    THE    SOUTH  .......  39 

CHAPTER  Vn 

A    SPIRITUAL    CRISIS    .......  49 

CHAPTER  vni 

GLEAMS    OF    LIGHT 61 

CHAPTER   IX 

A    SUMMONS    TO    ACTION        ......  69 

CHAPTER  X 

A    WIDENING    CIRCLE  ......  80 

CHAPTER  XI 

LOUISE    DEVENOGE        .......  9I 

CHAPTER  XII 

THE    SOCIETY    OF    THE    '  COCCINELLES  '    ....  I02 

CHAPTER  XIII 

DISTANT    FRIENDS  .  .  .  .  .  I16 

CHAPTER  XIV 

THE    PAVILION    FOR    OPEN-AIR    TREATMENT       .  .  .  I27 


CONTENTS  XV 

CHAPTER  XV 

PACE 
THE    MESSAGE    TO    PRISONERS  .  .  .  .  -137 

CHAPTER  XVI 

THE    PRIVILEGE    OF    SUFFERING       .  .  .  ,  .  I  54 

CHAPTER  XVII 

DARK    HOURS      ........  165 

CHAPTER  XVIII 

THE    CROSS  ,  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  l8o 

CHAPTER  XIX 

THE    RELATION    OF    THE    DIVINE    WILL    TO    SUFFERING        .  I9I 

CHAPTER  XX 

AN    ATTRACTIVE    MINISTRY  .....  2O9 

CHAPTER  XXI 

THE   DISTINCTIVE    FEATURES   OF   AD^LE    KAMM's    RELIGIOUS 

LIFE  ........  220 

CHAPTER  XXII 

LAST    DAYS  .  .  .  .  .  .235 


CHAPTER  I 

ANCESTRY    AND    ENVIRONMENT 

'The  great  triumph  of  Christianity  is  to  produce  a  few 
saints.  They  raise  our  ideal  of  humanity.  They  make  us 
restless  and  discontented  with  our  own  lives  as  long  as  they 
are  lived  on  a  lower  plane.' — Forbes  Robinson. 

AdI:le  Kamm  came  of  soldier  stock.  From  her 
ancestors,  on  both  sides,  she  inherited  a  healthy 
and  energetic  temperament.  Her  father  was 
descended  from  a  family  which  inhabited  the 
mountain  region  of  Glarus,  many  of  whose 
members  had  reached  a  great  age.  The  grand- 
father, Jean-Melchior  Kamm,  was  a  non-com- 
missioned officer  in  the  army  of  Napoleon  I.,  who 
made  the  extremely  wearisome  march  from 
Naples  to  Moscow  with  his  regiment.  He  fought 
at  Beresina  by  the  side  of  a  certain  Vaudois  officer, 
Captain  Rey.  Fearing  that  they  would  never  see 
their  country  again,  the  two  friends  vowed  they 
would  never  separate.  They  kept  their  word. 
Rey  having  been  wounded,  Kamm  remained  with 


2  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

him  instead  of  joining  the  retreat,  and  both  were 
taken  prisoners.  This,  however,  saved  their  Hves, 
for  their  whole  company  perished  from  cold, 
hunger,  or  from  the  attacks  of  the  Cossacks. 
After  five  years'  imprisonment  at  Riga,  where 
they  worked  in  the  harbour,  the  Vaudois  captain 
and  the  Glaronais  sergeant,  still  inseparable,  set 
their  faces  homewards,  and  settled  down  at 
Lausanne.  Kamm  bought  the  Hotel  *  de  I'Etoile,' 
which  prospered  under  his  able  management,  and 
eventually  became  the  best-patronised  house  in 
Lausanne  under  the  name  of  the  Hotel  of  the 
*  Grand  Pont.'  At  his  death  he  left  the  business 
to  his  three  children,  two  sons  and  a  daughter, 
and  for  a  time  all  three  carried  it  on  together. 
Thus  Adele  Kamm  was  descended  on  the  paternal 
side  from  one  of  those  excellent  families  of  hotel- 
keepers,  of  whom  there  are  so  many  in  Switzer- 
land ;  people  who  are  both  hard-working  and 
endowed  with  business  capacity.  We  shall  see 
that  she  inherited  some  of  their  practical  qualities. 
Many  inhabitants  of  Lausanne  still  remember 
her  father,  Henri  Kamm,  an  upright  and  gracious 
character,  who  had  preserved  the  courteous 
manners  of  olden  times.     He  had  a  passionate 


ANCESTRY  AND  ENVIRONMENT        3 

love  of  mathematics,  and  willingly  gave  up  his 
share  in  the  hotel  to  his  brother  and  sister,  in  order 
to  be  able  to  devote  himself  entirely  to  his  beloved 
studies.  At  the  age  of  fifty-eight  he  married  the 
daughter  (who  was  much  younger  than  himself) 
of  his  intimate  friend,  the  old  '  Colonel  Federal ' 
Borgeaud,  Curator  of  the  Cantonal  Library. 
The  ancestors  of  the  Borgeauds  are  said  to 
have  been  Huguenots  from  Savoy,  who  fled  into 
Vaud  after  the  successful  Counter-Reformation 
of  St.  Francis  de  Sales.  In  this  family  also  occur 
remarkable  instances  of  longevity. 

It  will  be  seen  that  Adele  had  no  mean  inheri- 
tance. Her  strong  vitality,  added  to  a  spiritual 
power  which  lifted  her  above  herself,  enabled 
her  to  resist  disease  with  unwonted  energy. 

It  is  said  that  she  most  resembled  her  grand- 
father, Constant  Borgeaud,  particularly  in  char- 
acter. He  was  one  of  the  most  original  and 
popular  figures  in  that  charming  little  half-rural 
city  of  Lausanne  which  we  used  to  know  and 
love.  How  much  it  has  changed  since  then !  The 
'  colonel,'  as  we  called  him,  was  a  racy  local 
character  of  a  type  one  scarcely  ever  meets  in 
larger  towns,  where  personalities  lose  their  dis- 


4  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

tinctness  of  outline  like  coins  which  pass  innumer- 
able times  across  shop  counters.  He  was  a  soldier 
in  every  sense,  and  was  of  a  generous  and  chival- 
rous disposition.  In  his  youth  he  had  had  a  great 
love  of  adventure,  and  in  1848,  at  the  time  when 
the  Italians  rose  against  the  Austrian  rule,  he 
spent  his  entire  fortune  in  raising  a  company  of 
volunteers  at  Lausanne.  At  the  head  of  his  men 
he  gallantly  met  the  Austrian  attack  at  the  Col 
du  Tonal,  and  kept  the  enemy  at  bay  until,  after 
the  defeat  of  Custozza,  he  received  orders  to 
evacuate  the  position.  It  is  doubtless  from  the 
colonel  that  Adele  Kamm  inherited  both  her 
enthusiastic  disposition  and  her  almost  masculine 
energy.  She  was  fond  of  military  metaphors. 
Her  mother  and  her  sister  laughingly  called  her  the 
*  Old  Trooper,'  and  she  herself,  after  each  fresh 
attack  of  illness,  would  say  gaily,  '  I  am  an  old 
soldier  who  has  returned,  wounded,  from  many 
a  campaign.' 

After  having  tried  widely  different  professions, 
the  colonel  taught  mathematics  to  the  schoolboys 
of  Aubonne.  It  was  through  his  taste  for  in- 
genious problems  and  for  chess  that  he  came  to 
know  Henri  Kamm.     After  their  marriage  Kamm 


ANCESTRY  AND  ENVIRONMENT        5 

and  his  wife  were  unremitting  in  their  thoughtful 
and  affectionate  care  for  the  old  man.  The 
colonel  took  all  his  meals  with  them  while  they 
lived  in  Lausanne.  Later  on  the  whole  family 
settled  near  Celigny,  where  the  colonel  passed 
away  suddenly  on  the  i8th  of  January  1905,  at 
the  age  of  eighty-five,  surrounded  by  those  whom 
he  loved  best  in  the  world,  his  daughter  and  his 
two  granddaughters. 

Adele  Kamm  far  surpassed  her  ancestors  by 
the  greatness  of  her  moral  personality,  while 
carrying  on  the  family  traditions  in  other  ways. 
We  must  make  some  allowance  for  the  influence 
of  heredity,  in  order  to  understand  the  nature  of 
her  physiological  temperament  and  certain  traits 
in  her  disposition  ;  but  we  believe  it  would  be  an 
error  to  attribute  them  entirely  to  the  elements 
provided  by  heredity,  environment,  and  education. 
Adele  Kamm  was  one  of  those  beautiful  excep- 
tions which  unexpectedly  emerge,  no  matter 
where,  to  demonstrate  the  latent  possibilities 
which  lie  concealed  in  humanity.  One  must 
consider  her  as  a  splendid  example  of  the  spon- 
taneous fruition  of  religious  genius.  We  believe 
that   these  exceptions  do  not  spring  from   the 


6  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

mechanical  order  of  the  universe,  but  that  through 
them  the  Divine  enters  into  the  world. ^ 

'  '  Religious  genius  is  always  individualistic  in  its  origin  and 
social  in  its  aim,'  says  M.  Theodore  Flournoy.  *  It  is  individualistic 
in  its  origin  :  it  is  well  to  emphasise  this  in  face  of  a  sociology  much 
in  vogue  to-day,  which  maintains  that  everything  in  religion  may 
be  traced  to  the  working  out  of  social  forces,  to  solidarity  of  action, 
etc.  This,  I  believe,  does  violence  to  the  facts.  Without  under- 
valuing the  suggestive  and  stimulating  influence  of  environment, 
education,  and  race,  we  must  still  lay  stress  on  the  deeply  individual, 
original,  unexpected,  and  after  all  inexplicable  character  of  religious 
genius '  (Tht^odore  Flournoy,  Le  Genie  religieux.    Foyer  Solidariste). 


CHAPTER  II 

CHILDHOOD   AND    EARLY    GIRLHOOD 

*I  would  have  gone  ;  God  bade  me  stay. 

I  would  have  worked  j  God  bade  me  rest. 
He  broke  iny  will  from  day  to  day. 
He  read  my  yearnings  unexpressed, 
And  said  them  nay.' — C.  Rossetti. 

AdJile  Kamm  was  born  at  Lausanne  on  the  1st  of 
October  1885.  The  principal  companions  of  her 
childhood  were  her  father  and  her  grandfather  ; 
she  grew  up  in  quiet,  serious  surroundings,  in  an 
atmosphere  which  was  highly  moral  but  not  dis- 
tinctively religious.  She  was  a  pretty  child,  with 
large  dark  eyes  and  golden  hair,  for  she  was  fair 
at  this  period :  it  was  difficult  to  realise  it  in 
later  years,  when  we  saw  her  beautiful  brown  hair. 
Adele  was  already  a  serious  little  person,  in  spite 
of  her  outbursts  of  gaiety ;  she  had  a  clear, 
practical  turn  of  mind,  and  was  by  no  means  a 
dreamer.  Towards  the  close  of  her  short  life, 
returning  in  thought  to  the  years  of  her  child- 


8  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

hood,  she  wrote  to  an  intimate  friend  :  '  I  have 
nothing  German  in  my  temperament,  cither 
physically  or  mentally.  When  I  read  Freytag's 
Soil  und  Haben,  I  feel  that  I  am  just  like  Sabina, 
who  was  so  fond  of  her  piles  of  sheets,  her  table- 
napkins,  and  her  old  china.  .  .  .  When  I  was 
quite  little,  I  did  not  care  for  playing  with  other 
children,  and  would  often  go  away  by  myself  to 
work  and  read,  so  that,  by  the  time  I  was  seven, 
I  had  already  begun  my  trousseau  by  making 
yards  and  yards  of  crochet-lace,  which  I  did  while 
reading  Jules  Verne,  Maryan,  Freytag,  etc.  Those 
zvere  happy  afternoons,  and  how  good  my  friends 
were  to  me  ! ' 

Adele  Kamm  looked  the  picture  of  health  until 
she  was  eight  years  old,  when  she  had  an  attack 
of  bronchitis  which  slightly  affected  her  lungs  ; 
the  mischief,  however,  seemed  to  disappear  quickly 
without  leaving  any  trace.  She  was  able  to  attend 
the  Vinet  school  regularly,  and  thus  came  under 
the  excellent  influence  of  the  headmistress.  Miss 
S.  G.^     Adele  was  never   at   any  period  of  her 

*  In  a  letter  to  Mrs.  F.  G.,  written  some  years  later,  Adele  said  : 
'Miss  S.  G.  was  the  person  who  influenced  me  most  during  my 
childhood  and  early  girlhood.' 


CHILDHOOD  AND  EARLY  GIRLHOOD     9 

life  a  scholar,  but  music  was  her  passion.  She 
studied  it  with  that  ardent  enthusiasm  with 
which  she  took  up  everything  that  interested  her. 
It  was  one  of  her  bitterest  disappointments  later 
on  that  she  was  obliged  to  give  up  her  beloved 
piano.  Looking  back  on  the  happy  hours  which 
she  had  spent  in  this  pursuit,  she  wrote  in  1909 
to  a  friend  :  '  I  am  thinking  about  my  musical 
studies,  which  were  so  suddenly  interrupted  at 
the  Conservatoire  a  year  before  I  could  win  that 
much-desired  diploma.  How  I  loved  it  all,  and 
yet  it  has  been  taken  right  out  of  my  life,  along 
with  the  sweetness,  happiness,  and  inward  in- 
spiration which  were  bound  up  with  it.  It  cer- 
tainly led  me  to  overtax  my  physical  strength, 
but  at  the  same  time  it  taught  me  the  value  of 
quiet  meditation,  which  means  so  much  in  illness.' 
About  the  time  when  she  had  finished  her 
course  of  religious  instruction  under  M.  de  Loes, 
a  clergyman  of  the  Established  Church,  she 
suddenly  fell  ill.  On  the  day  of  her  first  Com- 
munion she  looked  deadly  pale  in  her  white  dress, 
was  shivering  with  fever,  and  hardly  knew  what 
she  was  doing.  '  I  did  not  hear  the  pastor's  words,' 
she  told  me,  '  I  was  so  terribly  giddy.     I  only 


10  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

remember  praying  fervently  that  God  would  let 
me  make  good  use  of  the  remainder  of  my  life.' 
How  richly  was  this  prayer  to  be  answered  !  It 
showed  even  at  that  early  age  the  unselfish  dis- 
position of  this  practical  little  Huguenot,  so  en- 
tirely free  from  that  religious  selfishness  which 
thinks  only  of  its  personal  salvation. 

A  somewhat  suspicious  abscess  appeared  in  the 
nape  of  her  neck,  but  in  spite  of  a  bacteriological 
examination  it  was  impossible  to  discover  its 
exact  nature,  and  little  by  little  it  disappeared. 
Adele  was  considered  cured.  She  resumed  her 
ordinary  life,  and  became  engaged,  without  any 
objection  being  raised  by  the  doctors.  At  that 
tirne  she  was  a  beautiful,  fascinating,  and  happy 
girl,  who  loved  pretty  clothes,  dancing,  and  all 
the  pleasures  of  her  age.  Nevertheless,  she  was 
by  no  means  frivolous,  and  already  felt  the 
seriousness  of  life. 

She  was  sent  to  England  to  complete  her  educa- 
tion, and  her  stay  there  left  many  happy  memories. 
The  house  where  she  boarded  closed  during  the 
summer  months,  and  she  applied  for  a  temporary 
situation  through  a  governesses'  agency.  The 
secretary  gave  her  a  position  of  trust.      She  had 


CHILDHOOD  AND  EARLY  GIRLHOOD    ii 

to  take  charge  of  a  family  of  young  children 
during  the  absence  of  their  mother,  Mrs.  MacA., 
the  wife  of  a  member  of  parHament,  who  had  to 
attend  the  coronation  festivities  of  Edward  vii. 
with  her  husband.  Attracted  by  the  pretty  face 
of  the  young  Swiss  girl,  and  by  her  air  of  decision, 
Mrs.  MacA.  carried  her  off  at  once,  and  took  her 
to  her  estate  at  Pirbright  in  Surrey.  There  had 
been  no  time  to  inform  her  parents  at  Lausanne, 
and  they  were  much  surprised  when  they  heard 
about  this  adventure. 

For  a  young  girl  of  seventeen,  who  knew  very 
little  English,  the  task  devolving  upon  Adele  was 
not  easy.  She  was  not  at  all  shy.  She  showed 
herself  in  her  true  light :  a  little  person  pos- 
sessing a  strong  will,  plenty  of  tact,  and  so  much 
playful  charm  that  every  one  fell  in  love  with 
her.  The  following  year  it  was  her  turn  to  be  a 
guest  at  Pirbright.  From  July  1904  to  January 
1905  she  paid  a  third  visit  to  her  English  friends, 
and  travelled  with  them  in  Scotland.  She  then 
seemed  to  have  almost  regained  her  health,  but, 
after  a  lull  of  more  than  two  years,  the  dread 
disease  was  about  to  appear  in  a  form  so  serious 
that  it   could   no  longer   be  mistaken.      In  the 


12  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

middle  of  winter  she  rejoined  her  family,  which 
had  settled  at  some  distance  from  Celigny,  at 
Vallon,  and  later  at  Petit  Bois.  She  often  went 
into  Geneva  for  her  piano  lessons,  and  became 
closely  attached  to  Miss  M.  B.,  a  mistress  at  the 
Conservatoire,  with  whom,  in  spite  of  the  differ- 
ence in  their  ages,  she  had  much  in  common.  It 
was  the  first  of  those  ardent  feminine  friendships 
which  played  such  a  large  part  in  the  life  of 
Adele  Kamm.^ 

As  the  result  of  a  chill  she  had  an  attack  of 
pleurisy,  and  tubercular  symptoms  appeared. 
A  cure  at  Weissenbourg  was  tried  for  her  during 
the  course  of  the  summer.     The  resident  doctor 

*  Later,  during  her  long  illness,  Adele  Kamm  carried  on  a 
regular  correspondence  with  Miss  M.  B.,  from  which  we  shall  have 
occasion  to  quote  more  than  once.  In  1908  she  wrote  to  her 
thus : 

'  I  bless  the  day  when  I  learnt  to  know  you.  I  seemed  already 
conscious  of  the  influence  you  would  -have  upon  me.  .  .  .  You  help 
me  more  than  you  have  any  idea.  Every  one  has  her  own  atmo- 
sphere, and,  at  the  end  of  the  day,  mine  is  distinctly  influenced  by 
that  of  my  visitors.  When  you  come,  you  inspire  me  with  new 
strength  for  the  future,  and  people  who  possess  such  a  power  are 
only  too  rare.  You  are  my  ideal  ...  it  is  my  great  desire,  if  you 
will  help  me,  to  have  a  good  influence,  to  spread  a  spirit  of  peace  and 
contentment  in  my  own  circle;  that  is  indeed  one  of  the  best  things 
on  earth.  ...  I  feel  that  you  have  struggled  and  conquered,  and 
that  in  spite  of  all  the  difficulty,  fatigue,  and  annoyance,  which  enter 
into  your  daily  experience  your  peace  is  untroubled.  .  .  .' 


CHILDHOOD  AND  EARLY  GIRLHOOD     13 

recognised  the  seriousness  of  her  illness.  He  ex- 
plained it  without  hesitation  to  the  young  invalid. 
This  is  often  done  on  principle  by  German- Swiss 
doctors.  They  wish  their  patients  to  face  the 
danger,  in  order  that  they  may  at  once  do  all  in 
their  power  to  ward  it  off.  Sometimes  they  do 
not  quite  realise  that  the  unvarnished  truth  may 
have  a  very  depressing  effect  upon  nervous 
patients. 

Fortunately  Adele's  character  was  strong  enough 
to  bear  the  truth,  even  when  it  was  told  her  in  an 
almost  brutal  manner.  The  doctor  said  to  her  : 
*  You  have  only  one  chance  of  recovery.  Would 
you  like  me  to  try  some  injections  with  the 
tuberculin  of  Dr.  Denis  of  Louvain  ?  '  The  use 
of  this  vaccine,  which  had  just  been  discovered, 
was  then  considered  to  be  attended  with  a  certain 
amount  of  risk.  Adele  did  not  hesitate.  She 
wrote  a  very  tender  letter  to  her  parents.  '  I  am 
ready,'  she  said,  '  to  try  these  injections  for  your 
sake.'  Mme.  Kamm  went  off  at  once  to  join  her 
daughter.  The  treatment  was  tried,  but  without 
success.  Adele  had  to  be  brought  back  to  Petit 
Bois  in  the  middle  of  August  1905,  not  so  well  as 
when  she  left  it.     In  the  autumn  the  family^moved 


14  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

to  the  villa  La  Bergeronnette,  at  Grange-Canal, 
near  Geneva.  It  was  easier  there  to  give  the 
invalid  the  care  she  needed,  for  she  was  rapidly- 
getting  worse.  After  having  had  the  hope  of 
restoration  to  health,  and  the  prospect  of  radiant 
happiness  in  the  future,  Adele  Kamm  was  to  be 
shut  out  from  that  active  life  in  which  she  longed 
to  share  with  all  the  ardour  of  her  tender  and 
passionate  heart,  with  all  the  energy  of  her  will, 
already  so  strong  and  so  ready  for  a  woman's 
highest  duties.  Suddenly  all  her  hopes  were 
shattered,  and  this  beautiful  and  courageous  girl 
was  henceforth  a  complete  invahd. 


CHAPTER   III 

THE    EARLY    STAGES    OF   THE    ILLNESS 

'  Does  the  road  wind  uphill  all  the  way  ? 
Yes,  to  the  very  end. 
Will  the  day's  journey  take  the  whole  long  day  ? 
From  morn  to  night,  my  friend.' — C.  Rossetti. 

Adele  Kamm  has  described  the  spiritual  phases 
of  her  illness  with  absolute  precision.  *  During 
the  first  weeks  of  my  illness,'  she  wrote,  '  no  in- 
ward relief  was  possible.  Not  only  was  my  family 
as  despairing  as  I  was  myself,  but  the  chaos  was 
too  complete,  the  storm  too  violent,  to  let  me  hear 
even  a  message  of  comfort  .  .  .  the  building  had 
to  fall,  and  the  ruins  had  to  remain  ruins  for  a 
certain  length  of  time.' 

Then  followed  a  second  phase,  when  despair 
and  acute  suffering  gave  way  to  an  '  aching  stupor.' 
Weakened  by  the  terrible  crisis  through  which 
she  had  passed,  she  was  in  danger  of  falling  an 
easy  prey  to  any  of  the  influences,  good  or  bad, 
which  might  fight  for  her.     Writing  about  it  later 


i6  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

on,  she  said:  'This  is  the  solemn  moment  when  the 
future  may  be  decided.  May  we  then  hear  words 
which  rouse  and  invigorate  ;  and  if  we  have  not 
yet  learnt  submission,  may  we  still  be  able  to  say, 
like  Jesus  in  Gethsemane,  "  O  My  Father,  if  it  be 
possible,  let  this  cup  pass  from  Me  :  nevertheless, 
not  as  I  will,  but  as  Thou  wilt." ' 

Adele  Kamm's  energetic,  loving  spirit  shone 
out  clearly  even  through  this  dark  time.  So  far 
as  she  herself  was  concerned  she  accepted  the 
situation,  but  she  was  grieved  beyond  measure 
for  her  dear  ones.  '  I  saw  them  crying  about  me,' 
she  wrote  ;  '  I  read  weariness  on  those  dear  faces, 
pale  with  anxiety,  distress,  and  the  strain  of  con- 
stant nursing,  and  then  I  felt :  "  Can  I  remain 
a  useless  spectator  of  all  this  extra  press  of  work, 
caused  by  my  forced  inactivity  .  .  .  and  look  on 
at  it  all  unmoved  ?  .  .  .  No,"  I  cried  inwardly, 
"  at  all  costs  I  must  get  up ;  I  will  see  whether 
I  cannot  conquer  by  force  of  will ;  I  will  smile 
when  I  feel  ill ;  I  will  walk  about  even  when  I 
am  feverish ;  I  will  do  my  best  to  keep  going  as 
long  as  ever  I  can." ' 

So  she  struggled  with  all  her  might  and  main. 
She  dressed  herself,  went  downstairs,  and  out  into 


THE  EARLY  STAGES  OF  THE  ILLNESS     17 

the  garden.  The  Ulac  and  wistaria  bushes  were 
in  bloom.  Ail  nature  was  holding  high  festival. 
For  the  moment  she  felt  new  life  pulsing  through 
her.  She  drank  in  the  fresh  air  and  sunshine 
with  real  delight.  *  Surely,'  she  thought,  '  this 
dreadful  illness  is  only  a  bad  dream  after  all, 
which  the  broad  light  of  day  has  dispelled  1 ' 
But  suddenly  she  began  to  shiver,  her  teeth 
chattered,  her  limbs  began  to  tremble  and  give 
way  under  her.  '  My  head  swam  with  giddiness, 
and  yet  outwardly  nothing  was  changed ;  the  sun 
was  still  shining,  the  birds  went  on  singing,  and 
the  insects  were  buzzing  as  happily  as  ever.  .  .  .' 
*  With  difficulty,'  wrote  Adele  Kamm,  '  I 
reached  the  house  ;  I  felt  that  I  could  no  longer 
resist  this  overwhelming  sense  of  physical  misery ; 
I  wanted  to  hide  myself  like  a  sick  animal,  and  my 
bed  was  the  only  refuge  for  my  failing  strength. 
Alas,  the  desired  relief  did  not  come  !  I  was  racked 
with  fever ;  all  night  long  I  was  tormented  by 
weird  dreams,  followed  by  horrible  nightmares  in 
which  I  seemed  to  be  struggling  against  an  enor- 
mous weight  which  oppressed  and  stifled  me. 
Morning  came  at  last,  and  with  it  calmness  .  .  . 
but  it  was  an  awful  calm,  a  quiet  charged  with 


1 8  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

electricity.  ...  I  realised  that  I  was  conquered 
by  illness,  and  that  it  would  be  a  long  time  before 
I  could  hope  for  any  improvement.' 

At  this  stage  she  said  still,  '  For  a  long  time.' 
It  was  only  much  later  that  she  dared  to  say, '  For 
ever.'  With  remarkable  clearness  Adele  Kamm 
continues  (for  several  pages  of  her  booklet)  this 
analysis  of  the  spiritual  phases  of  her  illness.  And 
we  might  almost  imagine  that  she  had  passed 
through  them  rapidly.  In  reality  she  had  to 
tread  a  very  painful  road  for  years  before  she 
reached  the  third  stage,  that  of  cold  reality,  when 
all  illusions  had  been  dispelled.  It  was  in  the 
spring  of  1908,  during  a  long  stay  at  Cannes,  that 
the  brave  girl,  physically  conquered  by  disease, 
accepted  the  fact  that  she  must  take  her  place 
among  the  incurables  of  the  world.  And  this 
defeat,  as  we  shall  see,  was  to  be  the  signal  for  a 
decisive  victory. 


CHAPTER   IV 


IN    THE    MOUNTAINS 


'  The  man  who  most  nearly  approaches  success  is  he  whose 
spirit  is  not  broken  under  pressure,  whose  faith  is  not 
quenched  by  clouds,  whose  purpose  from  first  to  last  is  not 
deflected  by  threat  or  allurement.  High  aspiration  always 
leads  into  the  thick  of  trouble  ;  there  is  no  roundabout  way 
to  the  goal.' — Bishop  Brent. 

Ad^le  Kamm  spent  two  winters — 1905  to  1907 — 
at  the  sanatorium  at  Leysin.  I  can  remember, 
when  I  was  a  small  hoy  in  knickerbockers,  clamber- 
ing up  one  evening  to  this  pretty  little  Alpine 
village  in  order  to  climb  the  Tour  d'Ai  on  the  fol- 
lowing day.  There  was  no  hotel,  not  even  an  inn  : 
we  had  to  sleep  on  the  hay  in  a  barn.  Forty  years 
later  I  spent  two  glorious  days  up  there.  What 
a  change  !  The  general  outline  is  the  same,  with 
its  cottages  huddled  together  on  a  strip  of  level 
ground,  and  the  squat  old  church  tower  in  the 
centre.  But  on  the  slope  of  the  mountain,  whose 
wooded  summit  shelters  Leysin  from  the  piercing 


20  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

breath  of  the  north  wind,  there  has  sprung  up  a 
whole  town  of  sanatoria,  big  hotels,  villas,  and 
shops.  There  are  fifteen  hundred  patients  and 
seventeen  doctors !  And  building  is  always  going 
on,  for  there  is  never  room  enough  to  take  in  those 
who  flock  to  Leysin  from  all  directions,  in  the  hope 
of  regaining  their  health  in  the  pure  mountain 
air. 

The  first  impression  is  not  sad,  as  I  had  imagined 
it  would  be.  That  air  of  exaggerated  attention  to 
hygiene,  so  much  affected  in  other  places,  has 
been  avoided  in  the  hotels.  In  fact,  the  rooms 
are  really  attractive,  and  do  not  in  the  least  re- 
semble the  wards  of  a  hospital.  At  night  the 
dinner-table  presents  an  animated  appearance ; 
many  faces  are  tanned  from  exposure  to  sun  and 
air ;  at  times  the  gaiety  becomes  almost  noisy,  and 
there  is  not  a  solitary  cough  to  be  heard.  The 
patients  are  only  allowed  to  cough  in  their  own 
apartments.  And  when  they  have  been  three 
days  in  the  place,  they  all  learn  to  submit  to  this 
rule.  Those  who  are  more  seriously  ill  are  not 
visible.  They  remain  lying  out  on  their  invalid- 
chairs,  sometimes  till  half-past  nine  at  night. 
These  open-air  wards  are  everywhere,  even  on 


IN  THE  MOUNTAINS  21 

the  roofs  of  the  hotels,  and  they  all  face  south. 
The  stronger  patients  go  out  of  doors  as  soon  as 
the  sun  has  appeared  over  the  peak  of  the  Chamos- 
saire.  They  skate,  toboggan,  and  go  for  walks 
in  that  warm  sunshine,  which  sometimes,  in  shel- 
tered spots,  sends  the  temperature  up  to  more 
than  104  degrees  without  melting  the  snow. 
They  lead  the  merry  life  of  a  holiday  resort. 

At  a  very  short  distance  from  the  village  one 
can  be  quite  alone.  The  snow-laden  branches 
of  the  pines  soon  form  a  screen  which  hides  the 
hotels.  Everything  is  silent  and  motionless.  How 
strange  is  this  absolute  silence  among  the  snows ! 
The  wonderful  Alpine  winter  throws  its  spell 
over  everything  it  touches.  Even  the  familiar 
Chaussy  and  Chamossaire  put  on  a  royal  dignity 
in  their  ermine  mantle.  The  glen  slopes  down 
to  the  Rhone  valley  in  a  steep  descent  to  where 
the  Simplon  trains  can  be  seen  passing  to  and 
fro,  the  only  reminder  of  the  feverish  life  led  by 
active  humanity  below.  But  our  gaze  does  not 
linger  there.  We  look  further  and  higher,  up 
to  the  beautiful  pyramid  of  the  Dent  du  Midi,  the 
glory  of  French  Switzerland.  From  Leysin  three- 
fourths  of  it  can  be  seen  in  all  its  majesty.     Its 


22  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

tremendous  size  is  very  imposing.  One  never 
tires  of  admiring  the  sublime  boldness  with  which, 
rising  from  massive  foundations,  its  '  seven  mystic 
spires '  pierce  the  ether.  For  two  whole  winters, 
therefore,  Adele  Kamm,  bound  by  physical  in- 
firmity, gazed  upon  this  unique  mountain,  which 
seems  made  to  inspire  fainting  souls  with  heroic 
courage  and  passionate  aspiration. 

And  before  her  there  was  Henry  Warnery. 
How  quickly  are  we  forgotten  !  How  little  is  his 
name  known  up  there !  Leysin  is  a  wayside 
rest-house  for  invalids.  They  arrive,  they  spend 
some  months  there,  and  then  they  pass  on  to  fulfil 
their  destiny,  and  their  places  are  taken  by  others. 
Which  of  them  has  any  interest  in  the  fact  that 
a  poet,  their  fellow-sufferer,  spent  two  winters 
there;  that  through  much  sorrow  and  renun- 
ciation he  discovered  '  The  Way  of  Hope  ' ;  and 
that,  while  there,  he  wrote  a  book.  In  the  Alps, 
a  poem  describing  his  struggle  and  his  victory  ? 

'  Happy  the  days  when  as  a  pilgrim  walks 
Devoutly  bowed  above  the  holy  way, 
I  come  again  to  plunge  my  soul  within 
The  holy  waters  ;  for  'tis  there  its  wing 
Has  broken  through  the  net  that  held  it  fast 
far  from  the  summits  blue  : 


IN  THE  MOUNTAINS  23 

'Tis  there  its  eyes  re-opened  to  the  light. 
Those  eyes  that,  closed  so  long,  knew  not 
As  once  theji  knew  that  in  the  world  of  men 
The  only  happy  souls  are  they  who  love.' 


Adele  Kamm  discovered  at  Leysin  some  traces 
of  the  poet  who  had  preceded  her.  She  trod 
the  self-same  path;  for  this  secluded  spot,  over 
three  thousand  feet  above  the  mists  and  tumult 
of  the  valley,  seems  destined  to  be  a  battleground 
where  the  soul  must  meet  with  victory  or  defeat. 
Perhaps  life  is  more  intense  there  than  any- 
where else,  just  because  it  is  a  fight  against  the 
forces  of  destruction. 

Certainly,  it  does  not  do  to  talk  to  doctors 
about  the  novel  Les  EmbrasSs.  They  smile  at  it. 
But  is  it  not  true  that  often,  at  the  beginning  of 
tubercular  trouble,  there  is  a  kind  of  nervous  ex- 
citement which  may  lead  to  extreme  lack  of  self- 
restraint  ?  It  is  not  necessary  to  recall  here  the 
desperate  deed  of  that  wretched  madman,  who, 
for  no  reason  at  all,  by  one  shot,  cut  short  Dr. 
Burnier's  useful  life.  Fortunately,  that  is  an 
isolated  instance.  It  might  have  happened  any- 
where else.  Still,  I  believe  that  in  such  a  small 
cosmopolitan  circle,  where  idleness  is  practically 


24  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMA! 

the  rule,  it  is  easy  to  carry  everything  to  extremes 
— heroic  renunciation,  as  we  have  seen,  and  also 
the  vain  attempt  to  blind  oneself  to  the  true 
state  of  things ;  the  desire  to  enjoy  to  the  full 
what  remains  of  a  short  life;  and,  above  all,  the 
cynical  selfishness  only  too  often  developed  by 
illness. 

In  this  little  world,  so  new  to  her,  Adele  Kamm 
had  an  opportunity  of  seeing  much  that  was 
interesting,  and  of  widening  her  knowledge  of 
life.  Her  eyes  were  indeed  too  pure  to  mark 
the  evil.  And  it  was  quite  natural  that  those 
who  possessed  a  like  nobility  of  spirit  should  be 
attracted  by  her.  In  connection  with  her  first 
visit  to  Leysin,  Adele  has  paid  a  touching  tribute 
to  the  influence  of  a  young  Brazilian  girl,  Isalina 
Lead,  whose  invalid-chair  was  placed  beside  hers 
in  the  open-air  ward.  She  was  tall,  slender, 
and  graceful,  with  dark  eyes  which  '  shone  like 
diamonds  in  a  face  with  a  complexion  so  deli- 
cately pink  and  white,  that  the  contrast  was 
striking.' 

The  young  foreigner  sat  opposite  Adele  Kamm 
at  meals. 

'  A    certain    unspoken    sympathy    sprang    up 


IN  THE  MOUNTAINS  25 

between  us,'  says  Adele,i  *  owing  to  the  difficulty 
which  we  both  found  in  getting  our  food  down. 
I  saw  her  bosom  heaving  with  sighs,  her  head 
drooping  forward,  her  eyes  gazing  at  me,  with 
such  a  sorrowful  and  yet  peaceful  expression,  that 
this  look  was  imprinted  for  ever  on  my  memory. 
This  gaze  changed  my  rebellion  into  submission ; 
it  said  so  gently,  "  Suffering  exists,  we  cannot 
alter  that,  but  we  must  trust."  And  this  faith 
sustained  her  during  the  two  years  of  life  which 
yet  remained,  through  months  of  acute  suffering, 
and  right  up  to  death  itself,  and  the  atmosphere 
around  her  was  so  full  of  peace  that  she  was  able 
to  comfort  her  dear  ones  in  their  sorrow.' 

The  two  young  invalids  became  very  intimate. 

1  At  the  time  of  Isalina  Leao's  death  Adele  Kamm  wrote  from 
Geneva  to  a  friend  :  '  My  poor  dear  Isalina  Leao  passed  away  yester- 
day at  Leysin,  where  she  had  just  arrived  from  Brazil  with  her 
whole  family.  .  .  .  She  was  my  first  invalid  friend  ;  we  mutually 
encouraged  each  other,  and  we  were  so  intimate  and  so  much  alike 
in  temperament  and  in  suffering  that  it  seems  strange  to  me  that 
she  should  have  gone  away  alone,  and  that  I  should  be  left  behind. 
I  do  not  grieve  unduly,  for  I  believe  that  her  spirit  is  nearer  to  me 
now  than  when  the  ocean  separated  us,  and,  were  it  not  for  her 
poor  family,  I  would  rejoice  with  her  to-day.  .  .  .  She  struggled 
and  suffered  so  much,  and  now  at  last  she  has  conquered  ;  she  is  at 
rest  in  the  gloiy  of  heaven,  a  rest  well  merited  indeed  .  .  .  she  must 
be  a  very  radiant  angel,  for  in  spite  of  her  disease  she  made  a 
wonderful  impression  of  purity  and  peace.' 


26  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

Isalina  told  the  story  of  her  life  and  troubles  to 
her  new  friend,  without  ever  allowing  a  com- 
plaint or  a  murmur  to  pass  her  lips.     '  Only  once, 
says  Adele  Kamm,  '  one  hot  tear  fell  on  my  hand. 
And  she  adds :  '  I  wept.     What  was  my  suffering 
my   force    of   character,    compared   with   hers 
And  up  to  that  time  I  had  been  murmuring.  .  . 
I  felt  ashamed  of  my  rebellion  and  ingratitude 
...  I  saw  what  it  meant  to  bear  sorrow  nobly 
.  .  .  and  now  my  heart  is  full  of  the  spirit  of  joy 
and  peace  and  gratitude,  which  I  hope  I  may 
never  lose  any  more  ! ' 

When  the  spring  came,  and  Adele  left  the 
sanatorium  to  return  to  the  plain,  she  was  very 
far  from  being  cured  in  body,  but  she  had  re- 
gained her  spiritual  vigour.  And,  following  the 
example  of  Isalina  Lea6,  she  was  ready  to  tread 
with  a  firm  step  the  steep  road  which  was  to  lead 
her  to  such  a  height. 


CHAPTER   V 

THE    SECOND    VISIT   TO    LEYSIN 

'John,  do  you  see  that  bed  of  resignation  ? ' — 'It's  doin' 
bravely,  sir.' — 'John,  I  will  not  have  it  in  my  garden;  it 
flatters  not  the  eye  and  comforts  not  the  stomach  ;  root  it 
out.' — '  Sir,  I  ha'e  seen  o'  them  that  rase  as  high  as  nettles  ; 
gran'  plants  ! ' — '  What  then  ?  Were  they  as  tall  as  Alps,  if 
still  unsavoury  and  bleak,  what  matters  it  ?  Out  with  it 
then;  and  in  its  place  put  Laughter,  and  a  Good  Conceit 
(that  capital  home  evergreen),  and  a  bush  of  Flowering 
Piety — but  see  it  be  the  flowering  sort — the  othtr  species  is 
no  ornament  to  any  gentleman's  Back  Garden.' 

Robert  Louis  Stevenson. 

As  we  have  already  seen  the  Kamm  family  had 
moved  into  a  country  house  in  the  neighbourhood 
of  Geneva,  which  bore  a  charming  name  :  '  La 
Bergeronnette '  (The  little  Shepherdess).  It 
was  there  that  Adele  spent  the  summer  of  1906. 
The  walks  she  loved  were  forbidden.  But  the 
weather  that  year  was  particularly  fine,  and  on 
warm  days  she  could  still  come  down  and  lie  out 
in  the  garden  on  a  reclining  chair,  in  the  shade 
of  some  pine-trees.     Her  quick  observant  mind 


28  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

found  plenty  of  occupation.  She  was  keenly 
interested  in  the  quiet  life  of  Nature  which  she 
could  watch  from  her  couch.  Sometimes  she 
had  pleasant  visitors ;  wrens,  tomtits,  or  a  couple 
of  redstarts,  whose  conjugal  disputes  were  a  source 
of  much  amusement  to  her.  Then  she  made 
friends  with  the  squirrels.  '  These  delightful 
creatures,'  ^  she  writes,  '  took  no  notice  whatever 
of  my  presence,  but  settled  themselves  comfort- 
ably on  a  branch  just  above  my  head,  and  began 
picking  nuts  with  their  front  paws  and  sharp 
teeth.  Their  long  tails  waved  gracefully  to  and 
fro,  while  I  had  to  put  up  with  a  shower  of  empty 
nutshells  which  they  threw  down  on  me  in  the 
cheekiest  style.  But  when  I  tired  of  the  game, 
I  had  only  to  clap  my  hands,  and  away  they  would 
scamper,  some  taking  refuge  in  neighbouring 
pine-trees,  while  others  darted  off  to  a  fence 
where  they  performed  acrobatic  feats,  swaying 
from  side  to  side  without  once  losing  their  balance, 
while  I  lay  and  laughed  at  them  with  all  my 
heart.' 

Adele  began  to  spread  around  her  the  peace 
which  she  had  won  at  Leysin.     Her  own  family 

1  Joyful  in  Tribulation,^.  25. 


THE  SECOND  VISIT  TO  LEYSIN        29 

circle  was  the  first  to  reap  the  benefit.  *  That 
summer,'  she  writes,  '  I  felt  a  deep  sense  of  in- 
ward contentment  and  thankfulness  in  being  able 
to  live  at  home  again.  Every  one  had  accepted 
the  fact  of  my  illness,  and  everything  seemed  to 
go  on  as  happily  as  it  used  to  do.'  She  would 
not  allow  her  physical  suffering  to  cloud  her 
own  happiness,  and  still  less  that  of  those  she 
loved.  Even  then  this  little  Stoic  was  severe 
towards  herself  and  thoughtful  for  others.  '  My 
plan  has  been  a  good  one,'  she  wrote  to  a  friend, 
*  to  be  hard  on  myself,  to  allow  no  self-pity, 
nothing  which  weakens  and  thus  obscures  the 
purpose  of  trial,  which  ought  to  have  a  bracing 
effect.  That  is  the  reason  why,  even  in  little 
things,  such  as  keeping  a  light  burning  at  night, 
I  will  not  give  way.  I  ought  to  be  as  strong  and 
able  to  be  alone  at  night  as  in  the  day.  But  I  do 
love  clear  nights  when  I  can  see  a  star  shining 
through  my  open  window.  .  .  .' 

When  she  went  up  to  Leysin  again,  in  the  autumn 
of  1906,  she  was  ready  to  begin  her  ministry  among 
her  fellow-sufferers.  Though  this  second  visit 
brought  her  no  improvement  of  health,  yet  it 
left  a  '  glorious  memory  '  behind  it.     ^  It  proved,' 


30  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

she  writes, '  more  inwardly  helpful  than  I  had  ever 
expected,  for  it  gave  me  a  new  and  wonderful 
insight  into  the  kindness  of  humanity.'  This 
kindness,  which  the  young  invalid  experienced 
so  abundantly,  was  above  all  the  reflection  of  that 
which  filled  her  own  heart.  Henceforth  she  was 
in  a  position  to  give  even  more  than  she  received. 

In  spite  of  every  care  that  was  taken  of  her  the 
disease  made  rapid  strides.  It  was  not  long 
before  she  was  obliged  to  keep  entirely  to  her 
room  in  the  Grand  Hotel.  At  first,  on  sunny 
days,  she  was  allowed  to  lie  out  for  a  few  hours 
on  her  balcony,  then  even  this  pleasure  was  for- 
bidden. '  I  am  still  in  bed,'  she  wrote  on  the 
1 2th  of  December.  '  At  present  I  am  not  allowed 
to  get  up  at  all,  although  I  have  no  fever,  and  I 
amuse  myself  by  watching  the  snowflakes  which 
float  right  in  on  to  the  counterpane.  The  snow 
is  nearly  three  feet  deep,  and  as  I  lie  I  can  see  the 
people  with  their  bobsleighs  and  skis.' 

Her  room  was  on  the  fifth  story.  She  liked  it 
for  its  quietness  and  for  the  beautiful  view  from 
the  balcony.  Sometimes  she  received  inter- 
esting visitors,  and  she  had  a  new  friend  who 
played  henceforth  a  great  part  in  her  life.     Miss 


THE  SECOND  VISIT  TO  LEYSIN        31 

O.  dc  J.  was  not  ill.  She  had  come  to  Leysin  to 
look  after  her  brother.  This  girl,  as  unselfish 
and  generous  as  Adele,  exerted  a  deeply  helpful 
influence  upon  those  around  her  '  by  her  sym- 
pathetic, sensitive,  and  trustful  disposition,  in 
which  there  was  no  room  for  suspicion,  doubt,  or 
coldness  .  .  .  then,  also,  by  her  great  desire  to 
give  happiness  to  those  around  her,  in  which  she 
never  spared  herself  any  trouble  or  fatigue  .  .  . 
and,  lastly,  by  her  sweet  cheeriness  and  by  the 
love  and  energy  and  seriousness,  and  the  gentle, 
comforting  words  which  she  gave  so  freely  to  all 
those  with  whom  she  came  into  contact.'  ^ 

Adele  Kamm  also  became  very  intimate  with 
the  resident  chaplain,  Mr.  H.,  and  his  wife. 
They  paid  her  frequent  visits,  and  were  very  fond 
of  her.  Later  on  Adele  took  a  keen  interest  in 
a  fine  project  started  by  Mr.  H.,  a  hostel  and 
employment  bureau  for  poorer  patients.  The 
long  and  serious  conversations  which  she  had 
with  him  stimulated  and  helped  her  greatly.  We 
shall  see  more  of  this  at  a  later  stage.  Nor  did 
she  forget  her  friends  in  the  valley,  with  whom 
she    corresponded    regularly.     Some    letters    to 

1  JqyJ'ul  in  Tribulation,  p.  33. 


32  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

Miss  M.  B.,  her  former  music-mistress  at  Geneva, 
give  us  a  glimpse  of  her  daily  life  at  Leysin  : 

'Leysin,  zoth  February  1907. 

' .  .  .  My  friend  is  intensely  sympathetic,  and 
words  fail  to  describe  the  blessing  she  is  to  many. 
What  a  variety  of  character  there  is  around  us ! 
Some  have  been  embittered  by  their  long  and 
hopeless  illness,  they  have  no  happy  memories  to 
cheer  them,  they  simply  live  dully  from  one  day 
to  another,  and  it  is  pitiful  to  see  them.  O.  finds 
much  to  do  among  these  sufferers,  and  sees  her 
endeavours  crowned  with  success.  For  instance, 
there  is  X.,  the  most  misanthropic  person  in  the 
hotel.  Well,  by  freely  offering  him  her  friend- 
ship and  confidence,  she  has  succeeded  in  making 
him  come  out  of  his  shell,  and  he  is  gradually 
mixing  with  others  again.  A  few  days  ago  he 
actually  left  his  room,  and  talked  with  some 
friends,  and  the  other  day  he  even  asked  my 
friend  to  think  of  him  in  church,  and  to  pray  for 
him.  It  is  nothing  short  of  a  miracle,  and  I 
was  very  much  touched  when  she  told  me  about 
it.     I  beheve  that  only  a  woman  has  the  requisite 


THE  SECOND  VISIT  TO  LEYSIN        33 

delicacy  for  such  a  task,  for  all  the  doctors'  efforts 
to  help  him  were  unavailing. 

'  Others  again  stir  us  to  feelings  of  admiration, 
mingled  with  sadness,  when  we  remember  that 
in  a  short  time  their  course  will  be  over.  There 
are  two  people  who  interest  us  specially  in  this 
respect.  One  is  a  young  man,  talented,  weU- 
educated,  and  of  a  rare  and  beautiful  spirit.  He 
manages  all  the  acting,  and  every  one  admires 
and  loves  him,  for  he  never  thinks  of  himself,  but 
spends  all  his  remaining  strength  on  this  work  of 
charity.  At  the  most  he  can  only  live  a  few 
months  longer,  and  we  cannot  help  wondering 
why  such  people,  who  can  do  so  much  good,  are 
taken  away  so  soon.  He  is  so  patient  and  resigned 
that  it  makes  people  feel  very  bad  when  they  see 
him  directing  this  comedy,  knowing  as  they  do 
that  it  is  his  last  piece  of  work.  The  other  is  a 
girl  from  the  Argentine,  a  delightful  creature, 
most  attractive  and  gracious.  This  poor  thing 
will  also  die  very  soon,  and  she  has  asked  to  be 
allowed  to  have  one  more  bit  of  fun,  and  wants 
to  take  part  in  the  bobsleigh  Flower  Carnival. 
Many  eyes  filled  with  tears  at  the  sight  of  this 
lovely  girl,  so  pink  and  white,  in  a  veritable  cradle 


34  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

of  roses  and  carnations.  The  second  doctor 
simply  could  not  stand  it,  and  came  up  to  visit 
me,  sick  of  life  and  of  his  profession.  There  are 
so  many  others  too  to  study,  for  we  number  more 
than  two  hundred. 

'  I  tell  you  all  this,  dear  friend,  to  help  you  to 
realise  the  effect  music  has  not  only  for  me,  but 
for  all  of  us  here.  It  is  a  sore  trial  to  me  that  I 
cannot  play  any  more,  for  the  piano  has  been  my 
great  joy  since  I  was  quite  little.  Though  at 
home  I  loved  to  hear  music,  here  I  simply  cannot 
bear  it ;  it  excites  me  too  painfully.  Personally, 
it  does  me  good,  but  I  dare  not  think  of  these 
unhappy  people  at  the  same  time ;  it  touches  me 
too  deeply.  And  when  I  think  of  the  sad  life- 
histories  of  every  one,  the  disappointments  and 
despair  hidden  under  this  apparent  gaiety,  and 
realise  that  all  this  is  drawn  together  into  a  secret 
and  subtle  harmony,  I  must  confess  myself  beaten, 
and  I  can't  listen  any  more.  Every  one  is  like 
me,  that  is  why  we  generally  have  so  few  con- 
certs. .  .  .' 

At  Christmas  time  Adele  had  a  dehghtful  sur- 
prise. Some  friends  had  decorated  several  Httle 
Christmas  trees,  which  they  lit  up  and  placed 


THE  SECOND  VISIT  TO  LEYSIN        35 

round  her  room  to  remind  her  of  other  happy 
Christmas  Days.  Her  own  relatives  had  sent 
her  a  present  of  a  bedspread  and  various  indoor 
garments,  all  of  which  were  pink,  and  so  well 
had  they  managed  it  that  her  room  was  trans- 
formed into  a  rose-pink  bower.  It  was  a  happy 
scene.  She  had  a  constant  stream  of  visitors. 
One  after  another  the  other  patients  came  in  to 
tell  her  of  their  own  happiness  or  suffering  ;  they 
sat  by  her  in  a  chair  which  soon  became  known 
as  '  The  Armchair  of  Confidences.'  Thus  Adele 
found  full  scope  for  her  delicate  psychological 
sense,  and  for  that  great  gift  of  sympathy  which 
enabled  her  to  enter  into  the  inmost  life  of 
others  and  bring  them  comfort  and  encourage- 
ment. 

'  I  was  inwardly  much  exercised,'  she  tells  us. 
'  How  could  I  find  a  means  to  respond  to  this 
confidence,  not  merely  by  sympathy,  but  also  by 
giving  the  right  spiritual  relief  in  each  instance  ? 
This  inward  travail  led  me  to  the  purest,  sweetest 
joy  that  we  can  experience,  that  of  living  for 
the  happiness  of  others.  I  fully  understood  the 
object  of  those  trials  and  difficulties  which  seem 
to  give  us  a  better  understanding  of  this  present 


36  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

life.  How  can  we  attempt  to  console  if  we  have 
not  suffered  ourselves  ?  '  ^ 

Adele  Kamm  had  one  great  qualification  for 
this  mission  which  she  had  adopted — cheerfulness. 
Every  one  who  had  the  privilege  of  intercourse 
with  her  was  impressed  by  it.  Her  Christian 
faith  was  of  a  robust  and  healthy  type.  She  had 
a  horror  of  the  moralising,  gloomy,  or  sentimental 
attitude  in  religion.  Her  life  was  gracious  and 
radiant.  Her  gaiety  never  forsook  her,  not  even 
when  she  was  at  her  worst ;  she  was  as  jolly  as  a 
schoolboy.  Even  in  her  close  confinement  to 
bed  she  found  all  sorts  of  unexpected  ways  of 
amusing  herself.  On  Boxing  Day  she  wrote  to 
Miss  M.  B. : 

'  I  am  surprised  to  find  that  half  of  my  time 
here  is  already  over.  I  should  so  like  to  get 
strong  enough  to  go  back  to  Chene,  but  a  snail's 
pace  describes  my  progress  at  present,  and  there 
are  days,  like  yesterday,  when  I  cannot  even  sit 
up  in  bed.  There  's  nothing  for  it  but  patience  ! 
Fortunately  I  am  never  dull,  and  am  perfectly 
cheerful,  at  least  when  I  am  not  suffering  too 
acutely.     What  do  you  think  I  am  doing  to  pass 

1  J oj fill  in  'Tribulation,  P-  29. 


THE  SECOND  VISIT  TO  LEYSIN        37 

the  time  ?  I  am  learning  to — whistle  !  My 
next-door  neighbour  whistles  all  sorts  of  airs 
ever  so  nicely,  and  she  is  teaching  me  the  art  .  .  . 
after  a  good  many  futile  attempts  I  get  quite  out 
of  breath,  but  that  doesn't  matter;  it  is  great 
fun.  .  .  .' 

It  was  in  this  place  of  suffering  that  she  learnt, 
or  rather  learnt  afresh,  *  the  lesson  of  cheerful- 
ness, which  is  no  less  necessary,'  she  says,  ^  '  than 
that  of  submission.'  Her  new  friend.  Miss  O. 
de  J.,  set  her  the  example.  Through  her  Adele, 
who  was  doubtless  an  apt  pupil  in  this  respect, 
learnt  to  appreciate  '  the  value  of  a  bright  smile 
in  a  sickroom,  and  the  blessing  of  that  serenity 
which  turns  despondency  and  sadness  into  whole- 
some contentment.'  And  Adele  adds  :  '  A  genial 
disposition  is  really  the  outward  sign  of  the  inward 
grace  of  love  and  endurance,  and  it  may  be  a 
source  of  strength  and  peace,  not  only  to  its 
possessor,  but  to  a  whole  family  circle.  Gratitude 
blossoms  into  joy,  and  this  joyful  spirit  overflows 
in  steady  cheerfulness,  till  the  whole  of  life  is 
transformed  by  this  sweet  influence.  Happi- 
ness,  indeed,   is    a    pure  ray  of   heavenly   sun- 

1  Joyful  in  Tribulation,  p.  31. 


38  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

shine,  or   the  earthward  reflection  of  an  unseen 
glory.' 

We  have  seen  this  Divine  Light  shining  in  the 
eyes  of  the  young  invahd,  and  we  who  are  well 
and  prosperous  have  been  cheered  by  its  radiance. 


CHAPTER   VI 

IN    THE   SOUTH 

'Let  us  make  no  mistake.  The  cleverest  weavers  of 
romance  must  always  be  the  foremost  pupils  in  the  school  of 
suffering.  And  without  pain  there  is  no  glory.  It  is  wise 
...  to  sit  down  and  quietly  reckon  with  this  certainty.' 

Bishop  Brent. 

The  quiet  life  at  La  Bergeronnette  was  resumed 
and  followed  its  usual  course,  but  Adele  Kamm 
found  the  inactivity  very  trying.  She  could  not 
get  accustomed  to  it.  Her  friends  did  their 
best  to  try  to  supply  her  with  work  similar  to 
that  which  she  had  done  at  Leysin.  *  You  have 
divined  my  longing  exactly,'  she  wrote  to  Miss 
M.  B.,  '  in  offering  to  bring  some  of  your  friends 
to  see  me.  I  should  be  so  delighted  if  I  could 
be  of  any  use  to  them,  but  I  am  afraid  that  it  will 
only  be  by  allowing  them  to  have  the  feeling  of 
cheering  an  invalid,  rather  than  by  my  example ; 
for,  alas,  it  takes  me  all  my  time  to  try  to  live  up 
to  my  own  ideals  !     I  am  always  fighting  against 


40  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

my  bad  tendencies,  but  things  are  very  difficult 
sometimes.  ...  I  am  longing  for  my  fellow- 
sufferers  at  Leysin,  and  O.  de  J.  wrote  to  me  the 
other  day  saying  she  couldn't  think  what  she  was 
doing,  enjoying  herself  in  Paris,  when  there  was 
so  much  to  do  up  there.  .  .  .  These  long  illnesses 
entail  a  great  variety  of  suffering,  and  many  things, 
which  we  cannot  talk  about,  become  more  and 
more  painful  as  time  goes  on,  so  that  you  really 
must  personally  have  gone  through  them  if  you 
want  to  be  able  to  give  true  sympathy  and  com- 
fort to  these  embittered,  hardened,  and  cynical 
hearts.  ...  It  is  a  delicate  and  often  a  difficult 
ministry,  but  it  gave  me  a  sacred  joy,  which  I 
miss  here,  in  spite  of  my  present  happy  surround- 
ings. I  learnt  precious  lessons  from  it,  for, 
behind  many  an  unpromising  exterior,  I  found 
that  a  little  tenderness  and  affection  would  unlock 
the  door  to  a  perfect  treasure-house  of  unselfish- 
ness and  loving  devotion.' 

Adele  Kamm  felt  that  she  had  found  her 
vocation  in  this  personal  ministry.  She  looked 
forward  to  taking  it  up  in  the  future  with  renewed 
strength  and  energy,  for  she  did  not  yet  consider 
herself  incurable.     She  thought  that  her  illness 


IN  THE  SOUTH  41 

was  a  temporary  trial  through  which  she  would 
pass,  and  then  emerge  disciplined  and  ready  for 
active  life.  *  I  am  looking  forward  with  hope,' 
she  wrote,  '  and  trust  that  this  long  education 
will  not  be  in  vain.'  At  that  time  she  did  not 
dream  that  in  the  experience  of  complete  help- 
lessness and  unceasing  physical  suffering  she  would 
find  her  spiritual  strength  renewed  for  activity. 
The  future  was  still  hidden  from  her  eyes. 

But  she  had  to  pass  through  many  a  dark  hour 
first.  She  had  to  drain  the  bitter  cup  to  the  last 
drop,  and  see  all  her  dreams  of  personal  happiness 
pass  away.  Her  doctors  gave  her  to  understand 
that  she  could  never  marry.  In  these  circum- 
stances we  can  only  say  that  the  strength  and 
nobility  of  her  character  shone  forth  more  clearly 
than  ever. 

When  the  winter  came  round  again  she  did  not 
return  to  Leysin.  It  was  thought  that  a  change 
to  the  south  might  be  beneficial,  and  the  whole 
family  migrated  thither  at  the  beginning  of 
February  1^08.  Rooms  had  been  engaged  in  a 
hotel  at  Taggia,  near  San  Remo.  But  the  hotel 
proved  to  be  badly  situated,  for  it  looked  on  to 
a  dusty  square,  and  another  arrangement  had  to 


42  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

be  made.  They  found  a  furnished  house  at 
Cannet,  which  stood  far  back  from  the  dusty 
road  in  a  garden  full  of  blossoming  mimosa. 
Adele  bore  the  journey  well.  She  was  delighted 
to  have  the  chance  of  seeing  the  *  C6te  d'Azur.' 
But  this  visit  to  the  south  which  she  had  antici- 
pated with  so  much  pleasure  was  doomed  to  be 
full  of  disappointment.  Her  mind  had  pictured 
lawns  gay  with  anemones ;  she  had  had  visions 
of  delightful  times  of  rest  under  the  shade  of  the 
olive-trees.  But  as  soon  as  she  tried  to  go  down 
to  the  garden  she  became  so  exhausted  that  her 
pain  grew  worse.     She  saw  her  thirteenth  doctor  ! 

*  I  go  in  for  collecting  them  ! '  she  said.  Like  the 
others  he  could  only  give  one  piece  of  advice — 

*  Lie  absolutely  still.' 

It  was  bitterly  cold.  The  temperature  was 
nearly  down  to  freezing-point  in  the  mornings. 
A  violent  south  wind  blew  almost  all  the  time. 
It  was  scarcely  fine  for  as  much  as  two  or  three 
hours  in  the  day.  Then  it  was  difficult  to  heat 
the  house.  Already  the  young  invalid  sighed  for 
La  Bergeronnette  and  her  pretty  pink  room, 
where  she  could  at  least  keep  warm  !  At  the  end 
of  March  she  wrote  :  '  My  people  still  have  to 


^IN  THE  SOUTH  43 

wear  winter  garments  indoors,  and  put  on  thick 
coats  when  they  go  out.  I  have  three  blankets 
and  two  thick  quilts  on  my  bed,  and  am  always 
wrapped  up  like  a  mummy  in  a  thick  white  shawl, 
and  of  course  I  have  a  hot-water  bottle  !  And  I 
really  am  not  a  chilly  moi-tal.  At  Chene  I  never 
needed  so  much.  But  can  you  wonder  at  it  when 
I  tell  you  that  I  can  see  three  inches  of  daylight 
between  the  boards  of  the  doors,  the  window- 
frames,  and  the  floor  !  And  when  the  wind 
rushes  in  it  plays  a  fine  tune  on  the  carpet.  .  .  . 
And  this  is  the  Sunny  South  .  .  .  well,  it  will 
never  see  me  here  again.  .  .  .  ' 

Sometimes  her  natural  high  spirits  got  the 
upper  hand.  She  found  it  very  amusing  to  watch 
her  poor  father  seated  in  an  arm-chair  hugging  a 
hot-water  bottle,  and  vainly  trying  to  get  warm  ! 
But  more  often  she  was  in  a  state  of  depression 
most  unusual  to  her.  She  longed  sometimes  for 
the  gay  life  which  she  could  have  enjoyed  so 
heartily,  though  when  her  young  sister  went  off 
to  see  the  Battle  of  Flowers  she  was  as  delighted 
as  if  she  had  been  going  herself.  Never,  even 
when  her  spirits  were  at  their  lowest  ebb,  did  she 
betray  any  sign  of  selfish  envy.     It  was  a  great 


44  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

satisfaction  to  her  to  see  her  family  enjoying  their 
visit,  and  '  having  a  good  time.'  But  she  could 
have  so  thoroughly  enjoyed  the  sea-air,  and  the 
sunshine,  and  the  flowers !  It  was  trying  to 
catch  the  faint  echo  of  all  this '  sheer  joy  of  living,' 
and  yet  to  be  shut  out  from  it  all !  She  said,  and 
how  very  natural  it  was,  '  I  feel  quite  lost  when 
girls  of  my  own  age  come  to  see  me ;  I  can't  help 
feeling  a  little  sad  that  I  can't  go  about  and  enjoy 
myself  as  they  do.  It 's  very  foolish  of  me,  I 
know,  but  the  old  spirit  will  come  up  now  and 
again,  and  that  often  when  I  am  cheerful  and 
under  the  impression  that  I  had  vanquished  it 
long  ago.  It  distresses  me  very  much.'  They 
racked  their  brains  for  ways  of  diverting  her.  A 
good  friend  from  Lausanne,  Mr.  G.  H.  (who 
was  spending  the  winter  at  Cannet  for  the  health 
of  one  of  his  family),  paid  her  a  long  daily  visit, 
and  read  aloud  Le  Comm.issaire  Potterat,  by  Ben- 
jamin Vallotton,  imitating  the  Vaudois  accent  to 
perfection.  She  laughed  very  heartily  over  it. 
But  the  effect  of  a  '  diversion,'  however  good  it 
may  be,  is  not  permanent,  and  depression  only 
returns  and  settles  down  more  deeply  than  before. 
And,  what  was  quite  extraordinary  for  her,  Adele 


IN  THE  SOUTH  45 

even   let   her   melancholy   mood   appear   in   her 
letters.     She  wrote  to  Miss  M.  B.  thus  : 

*  Le  Cannet,  2U/  February  1908. 

* .  .  .  Perhaps  you  will  be  surprised  to  get 
another  letter  so  soon  after  my  last  one,  but  the 
days  are  so  long  that  I  am  glad  to  divert  my 
thoughts  by  writing,  especially  to  you,  my  dear 
friend,  on  whom  I  depend  more  than  any  one 
when  I  am  cast  down,  for  I  know  that  you  are  so 
brave,  and  have  such  strength  of  character,  that 
the  very  thought  of  you  makes  me  stronger  too. 
Some  people  have  the  power  of  doing  good  even 
at  a  distance,  and  when  they  themselves  know 
nothing  about  it. 

*  Well,  I  may  as  well  own  up — I  am  downright 
dull,  and  homesick  for  La  Bergeronnette  and  for 
all  my  friends.  You  will  be  astonished  to  hear 
this,  I  am  sure,  seeing  that  I  have  never  been 
dull  in  my  life  before  !  I  shall  not  be  so  again 
either,  and  I  am  more  surprised  and  humiliated 
at  the  discovery  than  any  one  else.  My  cheerful- 
ness and  good  spirits  have  stayed  behind  at  Chene, 
and  I  long  to  be  back  there.  I  fight  as  hard  as 
ever  I  can,  I  pray,  I  read  all  my  good  books ;  they 


46  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

help  me  for  a  little  while,  and  then,  soon  after- 
wards, all  their  power  seems  to  have  vanished. 

'  Why  is  it,  then  ?  I  am  very  comfortable  here, 
I  am  with  my  own  dear  family.  It  is  unpardon- 
able, and  I  blame  myself  very  much,  but  there 
are  two  things  which  help  to  account  for  it : 

*  First,  the  want  of  society,  which  is  quite  as 
necessary  to  me  as  .  .  .  my  dreams,  seeing  that 
visitors  do  not  tire  me  at  all.  ...  I  could  not 
have  believed  that  I  should  have  felt  this  depriva- 
tion so  much,  and  you  understand  the  reason  as 
well  as  I  do.  It  is  not  a  question  of  the  passing 
interest  of  a  visit,  but  of  that  deep  affection,  that 
constant  watching  of  all  the  various  lives,  whose 
joys  and  sorrows  I  knew  so  well  that  they  almost 
became  my  own.  And  this  interchange  of 
thought  and  sympathy  is  a  sort  of  daily  nourish- 
ment which  I  find  it  very  difficult  to  do  without. 

'  The  second  reason  is  a  kind  of  disappointment 
and  disillusionment.  While  people  at  home  kept 
on  telling  me  that  the  South  would  do  me  so 
much  good,  part  of  my  mind  refused  to  believe  it, 
but  another  part  of  me,  whose  secret  power  I 
realise  only  now,  took  its  flight  into  the  future, 
giving  me  visions  of  lovely  walks  in  groves  of 


IN  THE  SOUTH  47 

olive  and  orange-trees,  and  even  of  a  life  of  com- 
parative health.  I  let  myself  dwell  on  it  too 
much,  and  it  has  cost  me  weeks  of  hard  spiritual 
conflict  to  regain  my  usual  serenity  of  spirit, 
which  is  based  on  trustful  and  resolute  submission, 
the  only  foundation  for  real  happiness  and  good 
spirits.  For  some  time  ago  I  came  to  the  con- 
clusion that  the  only  one  way  to  be  happy  during 
a  long  illness  is  to  allow  no  self-deception  in  any 
shape  or  form,  and  that  means  that  we  may 
harbour  no  illusions  which  may  let  us  drop  all 
of  a  sudden  into  a  pessimism  as  illogical  as  are 
the  illusions  themselves.' 

During  her  stay  at  Cannes  Adele  Kamm  passed 
through  a  painful  crisis.  Physically  she  suffered 
more  and  more.  With  redoubled  violence  the 
disease  attacked  first  her  neck,  giving  her  intoler- 
able pain,  then  the  internal  organs,  and  again 
her  lungs.  Every  morning  about  ten  o'clock 
ague,  fever,  and  palpitations  came  on.  She  could 
not  see  properly,  and  it  seemed  as  though  a 
veil  were  stretched  before  her  eyes.  She  was 
confined  entirely  to  bed.  Towards  five  o'clock 
her  temperature  dropped  to  normal,  but  it  was 
then  far  too  late  to  go  out  into  the  garden. 


48  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

It  was  indeed  trying  to  have  taken  this  long 
journey,  and  then  be  shut  up  altogether  in  a  cold, 
uncomfortable  room  with  nothing  to  do  !  For 
three  months  of  her  time  at  Cannet  the  poor 
child  suffered  almost  without  relief.  And  there 
it  was  that  she  came  to  realise  that  her  sentence 
was  final,  and  gave  up  all  hope  of  recovery  with 
that  brave  clearness  of  vision  and  stoicism  so  well 
expressed  in  the  letter  from  which  we  have  just 
quoted. 

After  so  many  years  of  suffering  bravely  borne, 
after  the  peaceful  hours  of  serenity  and  hope  at 
Leysin  and  La  Bergeronnette,  Adele  Kamm  had 
reached  what  she  calls  the  third  stage  in  illness, 
that  of  '  cold  reahty.' 


CHAPTER  VII 

A   SPIRITUAL    CRISIS 

'  All  which  I  took  from  thee  I  did  but  take, 
Not  for  thy  harms, 

But  just  that  thou  inight'st  seek  it  in  My  arms. 
All  which  thy  child's  mistake 
Fancies  as  lost,  I  have  stored  for  thee  at  home. 
Rise,  take  My  hand,  and  come.' 

Francis  Thompson. 

As  he  travels  along  his  difficult  way  the  invalid 
comes  to  a  point  where  the  road  descends ;  he 
must  go  downhill  for  a  time  before  making  the 
last  ascent !  Now  he  needs  all  his  courage.  His 
future  '  hangs  on  a  thread '  ^  (to  quote  Adele 
Kamm).  He  is  in  danger  of  being  overwhelmed, 
as  so  many  have  been,  by  floods  of  bitterness  and 
rebellion.  He  has  come  to  the  moment  when  he 
must  face  his  illness  with  all  the  strength  of  mind 
he  possesses,  and  this  involves  a  recognition  of 
its  serious  nature,  and  a  willing  acceptance  of  the 

'  7o>ya/  i/i  Tribulation,  p.  4 1 . 
D 


50  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

fact.     To   be   true   to   oneself  is   the   first   step 
towards  victory. 

^  I  believe,'  wrote  Adele  Kamm,^  '  that  un- 
certainty about  our  state  of  health,  or  those 
illusions  which  we  harbour  for  ourselves,  or  are 
fostered  by  those  around  us,  only  lead  to  one 
disappointment  after  another  ;  they  cause  untold 
bitterness,  and  perhaps  even  loss  of  faith  in  others, 
and  in  ourselves.  Oh,  what  a  sad  shipwreck,  and 
how  difficult  it  is  to  get  afloat  again  !  It  is 
much  better  to  view  our  condition  in  as  detached 
a  manner  as  possible,  and  form  our  own  opinion 
upon  it.  In  this  way  we  shall  be  saved  from 
much  disappointment,  and  we  shall  be  able  to 
plan  our  life  with  a  view  to  quiet  usefulness.'^ 

'  Quiet  usefulness '  !  that  is  Adele  Kamm  all 
over  !  It  is  the  echo  of  the  prayer  at  her  first 
Communion  which  she  oftered  continually,  not 
with  her  lips,  nor  in  any  moment  of  sudden 
emotion,  but  by  working  out  its  answer  in  her 
daily  life.  '  But,'  she  asked  herself,  *  how  can 
I  help  others  now  ?  '  She  felt  so  weak.  Did  she 
not  rather  need  help  herself  ?  No  human  being 
could  give  it  to  her.     She  turned  to  God.     And 

*  Joyful  in  Tribulation,  p.  41. 


A  SPIRITUAL  CRISIS  51 

her  one  petition  was  that  He  would  use  her  in 
some  way  : 

'Le  Cannet,  2nd  March  1908. 

* ...  I  have  not  been  out  of  bed  for  a  fort- 
night, and  yesterday  the  doctor  told  me  he  did 
not  think  I  should  be  able  to  go  out  often  during 
my  stay  here,  for  every  step  would  cost  too  much 
effort,  and  even  getting  up  to  sit  in  the  sunshine 
would  mean  loss  of  strength,  overtaxed  breathing, 
and  a  relapse.  I  see  that  he  is  right,  and  just  now 
I  have  no  desire  to  budge  an  inch  !  I  am  quieter 
and  happier  than  I  have  been  during  the  past 
weeks,  at  least  I  am  so  during  the  daytime,  and 
I  have  recovered  my  inward  peace  and  outward 
serenity. 

'  But  the  nights  must  be  got  through  somehow, 
and  they  are  really  pretty  bad  !  I  suffer  much, 
and  feel  very  weak.  Then  the  wind  which  roars 
incessantly,  and  makes  everything  rattle,  not  only 
keeps  me  awake,  but  adds  to  my  distress,  and  I 
have  to  redouble  my  efforts  of  will  to  wrestle 
through.  Sometimes  I  am  literally  covered  with 
perspiration  afterwards.  But  then  I  am  so  pleased 
at  having  conquered  that  I  fall  asleep  for  a  few 
hours  at  any  rate. 


52  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

'  Every  night  I  wonder  however  people  get  on 
who  do  not  ask  God  to  help  them  through  such 
difficult  times !  I  can  see  that  this  month  was 
quite  necessary.  I  was  so  happy  at  La  Bergeron- 
nette,  and  so  contented  that  trial  had  lost  its 
sting.  I  was  getting  into  a  rut.  I  needed  a  fresh 
shock,  and  the  loss  of  certain  pleasures,  to  force 
mc  to  throw  myself  more  completely  into  the 
Divine  Arms.  Sometimes  when  I  look  back  at 
this  long  road  which  I  have  travelled  for  some 
years  now,  I  am  so  sorry  that  I  cannot  pass  on 
the  result  of  my  reflections  to  those  who  do  not 
believe.  Everything  is  so  splendidly  planned, 
that  I  am  often  struck  with  amazement ;  each 
part  of  my  discipline  fits  in  so  exactly,  nothing 
is  hurried,  but  plenty  of  time  is  allowed  me  to 
accept  it  and  adjust  myself  without  too  much 
suffering,  that  I  feel  only  a  Father  full  of  the 
tenderest  love  could  act  in  such  a  delicate  way. 
The  further  I  go  the  more  I  understand  the 
meaning  of  certain  mysteries,  and  I  learn  to  be 
grateful  for  the  happiness  which  is  granted 
me. 

*  My  field  of  usefulness  seems  to  be  more  Hmited 
than  ever,  but  I  have  been  pondering  over  it  a 


A  SPIRITUAL  CRISIS  53 

lot  lately,  for  there  lies  the  way  to  pure  joy.  I 
have  been  thinking  of  the  things  I  used  to  do 
which  made  me  so  happy.  ...  I  could  then 
work  for  others  with  my  hands,  and  that  helps  to 
make  the  days  in  bed  seem  shorter.  Such  little 
trifles  are  useful  after  all,  and  they  are  tokens  of 
love  and  affection  as  well.  What  a  blessing  work 
is !  But  during  the  last  few  months  I  have  been 
able  to  do  nothing  except  write  letters,  and  even 
that  is  diflScult,  for  I  can't  sit  up,  and  my  back 
gets  so  painful  from  always  lying  on  it.  Writing 
letters  seems  such  a  little  thing,  and  yet  even 
that  becomes  tiring.  But  I  must  shake  oif  this 
dreadful  feeling  of  becoming  useless. 

*  I  have  been  so  depressed  by  it  that  I  set  myself 
to  get  rid  of  the  idea  by  thinking  of  all  the  girls 
who  were  in  like  case,  and  of  what  they  can  do 
for  others,  just  where  they  are.  I  have  been 
surprised  to  find  a  good  many  ways.  Sometimes 
I  find  it  makes  things  clearer  to  think  myself  into 
some  one  else's  circumstances !  First  of  all  there 
is  the  personal  atmosphere,  which  may  mean  so 
much  for  good  or  for  evil.  Of  course  I  knew  of 
that  before,  and  I  do  try  to  keep  a  watch  over 
myself,  though  I  fear  there    is  a  good  deal  of 


54  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

egotism  in  this,  for  I  love  to  see  every  one  round 
me  cheerful  and  happy.  Then  comes  the  gift  of 
loving  sympathy.  And  there  is  always  another 
thing,  the  power  of  giving  joy  to  others,  to 
inspire  courage  and  hope,  to  call  forth  a  smile  ; 
this  is  a  happy  task,  and  we  needn't  sit  up  to  do 
that !  Prayer  is  another  form  of  service.  Those 
we  love  have  so  much  need  of  remembrance,  for 
there  are  so  many  hearts  burdened  by  the  anxieties, 
difficulties,  and  bitter  experiences  of  life  ;  so  many 
who  are  ill,  like  myself,  who  pass  through  the 
same  trials  of  body  and  spirit.  These  thoughts 
have  comforted  me.  .  .  .  Joy  and  peace  have 
come  back,  and  I  feel  that  I  have  something  to 
do  during  all  the  time  that  it  may  please  God  to 
keep  me  in  this  state.  So  I  am  very  happy  as  I 
write  to  you  this  evening,  and  after  these  weeks 
of  inward  storm  and  stress,  I  am  looking  forward 
with  joy  to  a  time  of  quiet  happiness.' 

No  eye  can  penetrate  the  sacred  mystery  of  a 
deeply  devout  soul.  I  do  not  know  the  intimate 
secrets  of  the  inward  life  of  Adele  Kamm. 

I  do  not  suppose  that  any  one  does.  We  catch 
but  the  glowing  reflection  of  a  hidden  fire.  As 
far  as  I  can  judge  from  her  letters,  she  never  was 


A  SPIRITUAL  CRISIS  55 

*  converted '  in  the  ordinary  sense  of  the  word. 
She  does  not  belong,  in  psychological  language, 
to  the  order  of  the  '  Twiceborn.'  We  trace  in  her 
the  slow  religious  development,  apart  from  any 
violent  upheaval,  of  a  well-balanced  spiritual 
nature.  But  I  believe  that,  after  the  day  of  her 
first  Communion,  those  weeks  at  Cannes  mark  the 
most  decisive  experience  of  her  religious  life. 
There  she  passed  through  her  Gethsemane. 
When  she  had  presented  to  God  as  a  *  willing 
sacrifice  '  the  ruin  of  her  earthly  hopes,  and  the 
entire  destruction  of  her  physical  frame,  she 
entered  into  a  holy  and  intimate  communion  with 
Him,  which  might  know  fluctuations  but  would 
never  more  desert  her. 

In  a  letter  written  some  time  afterwards  to  her 
intimate  friend.  Miss  Lily  Schlumberger,^  she 
thus  refers  to  that  critical  time  : 

'  My  last  great  spiritual  conflict  took  place  at 
Cannes,  when,  after  a  trying  journey,  I  realised 
that  I  must  remain  in  bed  altogether,  that  the 
longed-for  recovery  was  not  to  be,  and  when  to 
crown  everything  two  vertebrae  began  to  swell, 
and  were  so  painful  that  I  had  to  lie  on  my  back 

•   14th  February  1909. 


56  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

entirely.  .  .  .  For  a  month  I  was  just  about  as 
rebellious  as  any  one  could  be,  and  I  used  to  cry 
my  heart  out  every  night,  till  one  day  our  clergy- 
man sang  me  a  beautiful  hymn  called  "The 
Cross,"  ^  which  I  have  quoted  in  my  booklet. 
These  beautiful  words  touched  me.  I  grew  calmer 
as  I  meditated  on  the  sufferings  of  Jesus  Christ, 
which  were  so  much  greater  than  my  own,  and 
were  borne  willingly  out  of  love  to  us,  and 
especially  as  I  thought  of  His  sublime,  glorious 
love  on  the  Cross.  Oh  !  how  I  prayed  that  God 
would  help  me  to  accept  my  cross,  and  begin  a 
new  life  of  pure  love  to  God  and  man.  And  God 
did  answer  me.  I  am  not  a  bit  good,  not  in  the 
least  what  I  ought  to  be,  but  these  dreadful 
conflicts  are  over,  and  for  a  whole  year  now  I 
have  not  had  any  of  those  dark  times  which  nearly 
drove  me  to  despair,  when  a  cloud  seemed  to 
come  between  my  soul  and  God.' 

Towards  the  end  of  March  there  was  a  kind  of 
lull  in  the  storm.  The  disease  allowed  her  a  brief 
respite.  She  became  more  cheerful.  Visitors 
came  who  gave  her  genuine  pleasure.  The  Prin- 
cesses of  L.  from  Livonia  were  Protestants,  and 

1  Hymn  by  O,  Kane :  '  It  is  at  the  Cross  that  the  way  begins.' 


A  SPIRITUAL  CRISIS  57 

they  had  grown  very  much  attached  to  her.^ 
They  often  visited  her.  Sometimes  they  ar- 
ranged religious  gatherings  in  her  room.  '  Last 
Tuesday,'  she  wrote  on  the  6th  of  April,  '  the 
Princesses  of  L.  came  here  with  the  clergyman, 
and  two  other  gentlemen  who  sang  well.  They 
sang  some  beautiful  revival  hymns  together.  It 
was  glorious,  and  I  was  in  the  seventh  heaven ! 
Then  afterwards  we  all  took  Communion  in  my 
room,  which  I  was  very  glad  to  do,  for  it  was  so 
long  since  I  had  been  able  to  go  to  church  for 
that  service.  I  shall  never  forget  the  touching 
appeal  of  the  ceremony.' 

If  I  may  give  my  personal  opinion,  it  seems  to 
me  that  the  revivahst  spirit  of  the  Princesses  of 
L.  was  not  really  in  harmony  with  the  delicately 
reserved  nature  of  Adele  Kamm.  If  she  ap- 
peared to  respond  to  it  for  a  time,  just  when  she 
was  specially  needing  comfort  and  uplifting,  I 
should  look  upon  it  as  a  passing  and  almost  acci- 
dental phase  in  her  life.  Later  on  she  was  to 
find  her  own  expression  of  truth  along  another 

'  'Mr.  M.  has  introduced  me  to  two  young  Russian  princesses 
(of  the  name  of  L.)  They  have  become  Protestants,  and  live  with 
their  family  in  the  most  beautiful  villa  here  ,•  they  are  models  of 
simplicity,  kindness,  and  fervent  Christian  taith.' 


58  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

line  altogether.  Just  then  she  had  a  fit  of  prosely- 
tising zeal,  which  came  to  an  untimely  end.  She 
describes  the  incident  herself  with  a  quaint 
mixture  of  humour  and  regret. 

The  Kamms  had  at  that  time  a  maidservant, 
an  honest  soul,  who  was  originally  a  native  of 
Luchon  near  Lourdes.  The  miracles  at  that 
place  seem  to  have  affected  her  differently  from 
the  majority  of  the  pilgrims.  Perhaps  she  saw 
them  at  too  close  quarters  ;  at  any  rate  the  poor 
thing  believed  in  neither  God  nor  devil.  She 
was  very  unhappy.  In  the  goodness  of  her  heart 
Adele  prayed  that  she  might  be  able  to  comfort 
her.  One  day  she  was  reading  from  the  chapter 
containing  the  Beatitudes,  when  the  maid  burst 
into  tears,  and  exclaimed  with  true  southern 
vehemence  :  '  Oh,  dear  !  oh,  dear  !  I  am  so 
miserable  !  '  and  began  to  pour  out  the  whole 
story  of  her  domestic  woes. 

Muph  embarrassed  by  this  delicate  situation, 
Adele  went  on  reading.  Then  she  talked  very 
simply  about  the  Parable  of  the  Good  Shepherd, 
and  thought  that  the  poor  woman  seemed  some- 
what comforted.  As  she  said  that  her  sight  was 
too  poor  to  read  the  Bible  in  small  print,  Adele 


A  SPIRITUAL  CRISIS  59 

conceived  the  touching  idea  of  copying  out  some 
hymns  and  psalms  for  her  in  large  characters,  in 
a  strongly  bound  notebook.  She  had  begun  to 
write  out  a  whole  Gospel,  when  one  day  the  maid 
came  into  the  room,  and  asked  her  to  read  to  her 
a  postcard  she  had  just  received,  and  it  then  came 
out  that  she  could  neither  read  nor  write,  no 
matter  how  clear  the  type  might  be  !  She  had 
been  ashamed  to  say  so  at  first,  and  had  thus 
allowed  her  young  mistress  to  do  all  this  work 
for  nothing  ! 

A  certain  kind  of  religious  zeal  was  quite  im- 
possible to  Adele  Kamm.  She  never  dreamt  of 
making  this  girl  a  Protestant.  But  she  thought 
that  the  possession  of  a  bound  note-book  with- 
out any  title  would  be  less  compromising  than 
a  French  Bible.  Having  seen  her  mistake,  she 
quietly  readjusted  herself,  and  simply  tried  to 
exert  an  influence  by  her  example 'and  her  kind- 
ness. *  So  all  my  plans  about  X.  have  fallen 
through,'  she  wrote  at  the  end  of  this  story. 
'  Happily  she  improves  every  day,  and  this  is  a 
great  joy  to  us  all.  .  ,  .  She  often  says  that  she 
will  never  forget  the  stay  at  Villa  K.,  and  her 
husband  has  offered  to  take  me  out  in  a  rubber- 


6o  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

tyred  invalid  chair,  in  which  I  could  lie  down. 
But  I  cannot  leave  my  bed.' 

The  time  at  Cannes  was  nearly  over.  They 
were  getting  ready  to  go  back  to  La  Bergeron- 
nette,  greatly  to  Adele  Kamm's  satisfaction.  She 
still  found  the  inactivity  very  trying,  although 
this  quiet  time  had  not  been  wasted.  She  had 
passed  through  a  deep  inward  experience. 

Adele  was  not  one  of  those  people  who  spend  a 
great  deal  of  time  in  introspection,  either  about 
the  state  of  their  conscience  and  their  hopes  of 
salvation,  or  about  their  spiritual  state  and  the 
exact  nature  of  their  relation  with  God.  Once 
she  had  seen  that  her  physical  condition  was 
hopeless,  and  had  accepted  it  with  all  that  it 
involved,  including  the  prospect  of  death — which 
might  be  near — she  did  not  look  back  on  the  wreck 
of  all  her  hopes.  Henceforth  her  one  aim  was 
to  make  the  most  of  her  life.  And  we  shall  see 
how  wonderfully  her  activity  grew  in  scope  and 
intensity  as  her  physical  strength  declined. 


CHAPTER  VIII 


GLEAMS    OF   LIGHT 


•  A  happy  man  or  woman  is  a  better  thing  to  find  than  a 
^5  note.  He  or  she  is  a  radiating  focus  of  good-will :  and 
their  entrance  into  a  room  is  as  though  another  candle  had 
been  lighted.' — R.  L.  Stevenson. 

With  her  happy  disposition  and  natural  optimism 
Adele  Kamm  never  brooded  over  difficulties. 
Did  she  feel  that  return  of  hope,  so  often  experi- 
enced by  consumptive  patients  even  when  death 
is  not  far  off  ?  We  think  not,  but  would  rather 
believe  that,  knowing  that  her  condition  was 
hopeless,  she  meant  to  make  the  most  of  any 
brief  respite  which  might  be  granted  her.  Like 
M.  Seguin's  brave  little  goat  ^  when  the  wolf 
was  drawing  near,  she  ran  from  one  side  to 
another,  eager  to  enjoy  some  fragrant  morsels 
before  lying  down  in  her  white  robe  to  die. 
Between  her  return  from  Cannes  and  the  autumn 
of  1908  she  had  some  delightful  hours,  which  she 

1  See  Letlres  de  Mon  Moulin,  by  Alphonse  Daudet. 

61 


62  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

enjoyed  with  all  the  energy  of  her  abundant 
vitality. 

'  During  the  last  two  weeks,'  she  wrote  on  the 
9th  of  June,  *  I  have  had  much  less  pain.  I  am 
still  sore  and  throbbing  all  over,  but  I  am  so 
thankful  that  I  feel  easier.  Pain  no  longer  takes 
up  all  my  attention.  My  mind  is  freer.  Spirit 
and  intellect  alike  feel  braced  and  strengthened. 
I  seem  to  see  everything  from  a  saner,  calmer 
point  of  view.  .  .  .  These  few  days  or  weeks  of 
respite  which  I  enjoy  from  time  to  time  help 
me  to  pull  up  with  marvellous  elasticity.  Then 
when  the  bad  days  return  I  have  fresh  strength 
and  courage  to  bear  them.  At  Cannes  I  had 
three  months  of  pain  without  a  single  good  day  ; 
that  really  was  too  much,  but  now  I  feel  as  though 
I  can  breathe  again.  .  .  . 

'  No  words  can  express  how  much  I  am  enjoy- 
ing life  just  now.  .  .  .  What  a  delightful  feeling 
it  is  to  live  in  the  present,  to  enjoy  everything 
just  as  it  comes,  to  wake  with  the  sense  that  a 
quiet  day  lies  before  me  full  of  inward  peace, 
freedom  from  anxiety  and  regret,  and  luminous 
with  the  certainty  that  I  am  in  the  right  path.' 

Adele  Kamm's  doctors,  the  famous  surgeon  of 


GLEAMS  OF  LIGHT  63 

Lausanne,  Mr.  R.,  and  Dr.  V.  of  Geneva  (who 
also  was  much  attached  to  her),  were  not  so  well 
satisfied  with  her  condition  as  she  was  herself, 
and  gave  her  the  strictest  orders  about  keeping 
still.  But  '  going  slowly '  was  not  at  all  her 
strong  point.  She  loved  to  kick  over  the  traces 
sometimes,  and  play  tricks  on  the  doctors.  Even 
when  these  outbursts  had  cost  her  rather  dear, 
she  delighted  to  describe  them  with  mischievous 
pleasure. 

*  La  Bergeronnette,  5M  October  1908. 

*  I  have  tried  going  out  of  doors  in  an  invalid- 
chair.  All  my  doctors  had  forbidden  it,  but  I 
had  been  so  unwell  during  the  whole  of  the  week 
before  that  my  patience  got  exhausted.  And  on 
Monday  afternoon,  to  the  amazement  of  friends 
and  neighbours,  I  left  my  gilded  cage  in  a  com- 
fortable little  carriage,  where  I  could  partly 
recline,  feeling  as  happy  as  a  queen.  What  a  joy 
it  was  to  see  the  traffic,  and  to  get  another  view 
than  that  from  La  Bergeronnette.  I  wasn't  the 
least  bit  self-conscious,  and  just  enjoyed  the  little 
trip  to  the  full,  though  four  years  ago  I  would 
rather  have  died  than  appear  on  the  Chene  Road 
in   an   invalid-chair.      We   went   round   by   the 


64  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

"  Ermitage "  on  to  the  promenade,  where  I 
watched  a  wedding-party  going  into  the  church. 
Then  I  spent  the  whole  afternoon  in  Mr.  G.'s 
pretty  garden,  and  had  tea  there.  It  was  my 
first  visit  after  two  years.  Mont  Blanc  looked  so 
beautiful  in  the  sunset. 

'  All  had  gone  well,  even  including  the  violent 
jerks  of  the  chair,  which  I  had  not  minded 
particularly.  I  was  radiant.  But — in  the  even- 
ing, when  I  was  back  in  bed,  I  began  to  feel  rather 
bad,  and  the  next  morning  I  was  in  much  pain 
either  from  the  spine,  or  from  the  lower  part  of 
the  body,  which  looked  as  though  I  had  had  an 
injection  of  tuberculin. 

'  But  I  wanted  to  make  the  experiment  thor- 
oughly, and  not  be  a  mollycoddle !  So  the  next 
day,  taking  advantage  of  the  fine  weather,  I  went 
to  the  G's.,  who  were  horror-struck  when  I  arrived. 
It  was  such  a  lovely  afternoon,  and  I  look  back 
on  it  with  great  pleasure.  But  it  was  my  last 
expedition  in  the  chair.  For  three  days  I  have 
had  acute  pain  from  an  open  abscess,  caused  by 
the  jolting  on  those  two  outings.  .  .  .' 

In  spite  of  this  vexatious  experience  Adele 
would  not  give  in.     On  the  Friday,  being  in  less 


GLEAMS  OF  LIGHT  65 

pain,  she  went  off  in  a  motor-car  to  visit  some 
friends  near  Chene,  '  in  order  to  test  at  once  the 
difference  between  the  jolting  of  the  bath-chair 
and  of  the  motor,  and  then  see  the  result.'  This 
long  drive  was  very  enjoyable,  almost  like  a  dream 
of  the  Arabian  Nights  !  And,  to  add  to  the 
piquancy  of  the  whole  adventure,  Dr.  V.,  sus- 
pecting nothing,  came  to  La  Bergeronnette  and 
found  '  the  cage  empty  and  the  bird  flown.'  As 
the  harm  was  done,  he  thought  it  best  to  laugh 
at  the  escapade,  especially  as  his  original  little 
patient  told  him  quite  seriously,  '  I  never  thought 
I  was  so  delicate.'  However,  the  doctor's  final 
verdict  was  this :  '  You  may  have  a  short  motor- 
drive  once  in  three  months,  but  there  must  be 
no  more  going  out  in  the  bath-chair.'  '  I  have 
definitely  given  up  the  idea  of  going  out  either 
on  foot  or  in  a  bath-chair,'  she  wrote,  '  and  I  can 
say  that  I  have  done  so  bravely  and  without  tears, 
although  it  is  a  great  disappointment.  I  have 
begged  them  to  take  the  chair  away  without  my 
knowing  anything  about  it.' 

But  she  had  not  made  any  promise  about 
motoring,  and  had  certainly  not  given  her  word 
to  play  no  more  tricks  on  the  doctors.     Three 

E 


66  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

months  was  too  long  for  her  to  wait.  A  fortnight 
later  some  friends  from  Naples  came  to  fetch  her 
in  a  beautiful  limousine,  and  carried  her  off  for  a 
two  hours'  drive.  They  took  her  through  all  the 
chief  streets  of  Geneva.  She  loved  the  noise  of 
traffic,  the  rush  of  life  in  a  big  town.  She  was 
taken  six  times  over  the  Mont  Blanc  bridge. 
She  had  not  seen  the  lake  for  two  years.  We  can 
imagine  how  much  she  enjoyed  it. 

Two  days  later  the  friends  from  Naples  came 
again.  And  what  did  they  do  this  time  ?  They 
began  dancing  the  tarentella  !  The  dance  was 
at  its  height,  when  they  suddenly  heard  the  sound 
of  a  motor-horn,  as  threatening  as  the  trumpet 
of  Hernani !  It  was  Dr.  V.,  arriving  at  the  usual 
hour.  '  He  came  into  the  drawing-room,'  said 
Adele  Kamm,  *^  amazed  at  all  this  upset,  for  we 
had  turned  up  the  carpet  for  the  dance,  and 
people  and  furniture  crowded  up  the  room,  and 
overflowed  on  to  the  verandah.  He  had  managed 
to  get  a  seat  somehow,  when  suddenly  a  voice 
exclaimed  :  "  Time  for  the  train  !  "  And  every 
one  had  to  get  up  and  rush  off.  The  doctor  was 
quite  bewildered,  and  it  was  all  he  could  do  to 
take  leave  of  the  guests  in  proper  style.     When  at 


GLEAMS  OF  LIGHT  67 

last  every  one  had  gone,  and  we  found  ourselves 
alone  in  this  sudden  quiet,  amid  all  this  dis- 
order, we  looked  at  each  other,  and  then  burst 
out  laughing.' 

But  there  were  still  more  surprises  in  store  for 
the  doctor.  He  had  come  in  a  new  car,  which  he 
was  showing  off  to  his  patient,  when  the  latter — 
impatient  for  the  moment  of  all  restrictions — 
jumped  into  the  car,  and  went  off  for  a  turn  with 
the  chauffeur.  When  she  came  back  she  had  to 
go  straight  to  bed.  Then  followed  the  sound- 
ing process,  accompanied  hy  grave  looks  on  the 
doctor's  part.  And  then — what  a  lecture  !  '  Fear- 
ing a  storm,'  said  she,  '  I  took  his  hand,  and  gently 
asked  him  not  to  be  cross,  as  that  gave  me  pal- 
pitations. .  .  .  (What  diplomacy !)  He  talked 
to  me  quite  nicely  and  quietly,  but  he  forbade 
me  a  great  many  things.  I  am  not  to  go  to 
Lausanne  in  a  motor  to  see  Dr.  R.  (Ahem  !)  ;  I 
must  not  move  from  my  invalid-chair  without 
being  lifted ;  I  am  not  to  raise  my  arms  or  move 
suddenly ;  in  short,  I  am  to  live  as  though  I  were 
ninety  and  crippled  with  rheumatism.  I  had 
great  difficulty  in  keeping  my  face  straight,  for 
I  know  that  I  can  never  carry  out  all  that.     To 


68  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

look  ill  is  worse  than  being  ill.  And  Dr.  V.  knows 
that  he  is  wasting  his  breath  on  this  subject.' 
And,  indeed,  unless  Adele  Kamm  were  literally 
in  agony,  she  never  allowed  herself  to  look  like 
an  invalid. 


CHAPTER   IX 

A   SUMMONS   TO    ACTION 

'It  must  be  that  when  the  Lord  took  from  me  one  faculty, 
He  gave  me  another;  which  is  in  no  way  impossible.  I 
think  of  the  beautiful  Italian  proveib  :  "  When  God  shuts  a 
door  He  opens  a  window.'" — Helen  Keller. 

At  the  end  of  1908  the  disease  took  a  more  viru- 
lent form  than  ever  before.  When  the  doctors 
were  asked  to  locate  the  root  of  the  mischief,  they 
could  only  reply,  '  It  is  everywhere.'  They  were 
powerless,  and  were  deeply  distressed  in  conse- 
quence. No  surgical  skill  could  relieve  her. 
Every  part  of  the  body  suffered,  the  neck,  back, 
chest,  internal  organs,  and  heart.  If  the  pain 
grew  easier  in  one  place,  it  only  became  worse  in 
another.  '  It  is  a  regular  labyrinth  of  threads 
which  tug  in  all  directions,'  said  Adele,  with 
quiet  philosophy.  And  when  the  abscesses  gave 
her  great  pain,  she  tried  to  take  comfort  in  the 
fact  that  her  back  was  a  little  easier,  and  that  she 


70  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

could  lie  for  a  time  on  her  side,  a  position  which 
was  generally  out  of  the  question. 

During  the  last  few  days  of  the  year  the  pain 
became  unbearable.  After  having  held  out  for 
a  long  time,  Adele  at  last  consented  to  have  an 
injection  of  morphia,  but  she  could  not  stand  it. 
The  1st  of  January  1909  was  one  of  the  worst 
days  that  she  had  ever  had. 

'  I  have  spent  a  dreadful  New  Year's  Day,'  she 
wrote.  *  The  attack  which  had  been  coming  on  all 
through  the  Christmas  week  reached  a  crisis  on 
New  Year's  Day,  and  I  could  not  see  any  one,  but 
spent  my  time  groaning.  That  was  lively,  wasn't 
it  ?  I  thought  I  should  have  a  worse  attack 
than  usual,  for  my  nights  have  been  so  bad  lately, 
that  I  have  finished  up  regularly  by  crying  at  mid- 
night, and  you  know  that  I  do  not  cry  easily.  But 
the  strain  was  too  intense.' 

But  this  same  New  Year's  Day,  which  was 
marked  by  such  terrible  suffering,  was  to  bring 
her  a  great  joy.  There  were  many  other  similar 
coincidences  in  her  life.  Unexpected  help  would 
come  at  the  very  moment  when  it  was  most 
needed ;  or  a  difficulty,  apparently  insurmount- 
able, would  be  cleared  away  in  the  happiest  and 


A  SUMMONS  TO  ACTION  71 

most  unlooked-for  manner.  In  all  these  circum- 
stances Adele  Kamm  traced  a  Divine  Hand. 

'  On  this  New  Year's  Day,'  she  said,  '  I  realised 
more  clearly  than  ever  before  the  vast  gulf  which 
separates  the  physical  from  the  spiritual  realm. 
The  former  was  a  perfect  chaos,  and  the  latter 
was  so  happy  that  the  contrast  was  striking.' 
She  had  received  a  letter  from  Mr.  H.,  the 
chaplain  at  Leysin,  suggesting  a  method  of  carry- 
ing out  one  of  her  long-cherished  desires,  and 
of  doing  useful  work.  There  was  nothing  she 
wanted  more.  Her  thoughts  were  constantly 
occupied  with  those  who  were  chronic  sufferers 
like  herself,  and  especially  with  those  at  Leysin. 
She  could  so  weU  understand  what  they  were 
enduring  in  body  and  mind,  and  she  felt  that  she 
had  the  power  to  enter  into  their  lives  very  fully, 
and  to  give  just  the  right  words  of  comfort  and 
encouragement  out  of  the  treasure  of  her  own 
spiritual  experience.  But  how  could  she  come 
into  actual  contact  with  them,  now  that  she  was 
so  entirely  cut  off  from  the  world  ?  This  was 
the  question  she  had  put  to  Mr.  H.  in  a  letter 
dated  the  30th  of  December  : 

*  I  often  think  of  the  great  work  you  are  doing 


72  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

up  there.  My  heart  is  overflowing  with  love  for 
those  who  suffer,  whether  they  be  rich  or  poor, 
for  they  all  need  fellowship  with  others  who  can 
help  and  strengthen  them  as  well  as  sympathise. 
I  should  so  like  to  help  you  in  your  work.  .  .  . 
But  I  am  shut  up  in  my  room,  and  I  can  assure 
you,  dear  friend,  that  the  only  sorrow  I  cannot 
overcome  is  that  of  being  unable  to  help  these 
suffering  ones,  towards  whom  my  heart  goes  out 
daily.     But, 

'"  If  I  cannot  realise  my  ideal 
I  can  at  least  idealise  my  real."  ^ 

The  little  writing  I  can  do  is  one  of  the  few  ways 
left  in  which  I  can  be  of  any  use.  If  you  should 
know  of  any  friends  who  are  ill  like  me,  and  would 
welcome  a  letter,  please  tell  me.  .  .  .' 

And  Adele  added  : 

'  I  keep  thinking  of  prisoners,  shut  up  as  I  am, 
but  in  a  cell  instead  of  a  pretty  pink  room,  with 
strength  instead  of  weakness  of  body,  their  only 
memory  a  guilty  past,  and  with  a  hopeless  future 
before  them.     If  they  do  not  know  the  Saviour, 

'  Adele  Kamin  had  these  lines  printed  as  a  motto  on  the  cover  of 
her  booklet,  Joyful  in  Tribulation. 


A  SUMMONS  TO  ACTION  73 

what    a    terrible    life  !     If    only    I    were    strong 
enough  to  visit  them  !  .  .  .' 

We  shall  see  later  how  Adele  Kamm  found  a 
way  to  send  a  message  of  love  to  prisoners.  We 
shall  also  see  how  she  managed  to  work  out  her 
idea  of  a  Pavilion  for  Open-air  Treatment  for 
patients  living  in  large  towns.  In  his  letter 
Mr.  H.  asked  Adele  to  put  down  her  reflections 
on  suffering,  and  to  send  her  notes  to  him  that 
he  might  make  use  of  them  in  his  ministry.^  This 
letter  was  quite  enough  to  help  her  to  forget  the 
terrible  pain.  It  made  her  '  wild  with  joy  ' ;  that 
is  the  very  expression  she  used.  She  saw  a  radiant 
path  opening  up  before  her,  leading  out  of  the 
cavern  in  which  she  was  imprisoned.  It  was  a 
summons  to  action,  and  she  felt  that  once  more 
she  had  an  object  in  life.  She  need  no  longer 
suffer  from  the  painful  sense  of  being  nothing 
but  a  poor  wounded  soldier,  laid  aside  as  useless, 
and  depending  entirely  upon  others.  She  would 
now  be  able  to  do  something  for  them.     Even 

1  Adele  Kamm  had  been  much  touched  by  a  little  book  written 
by  a  young  invalid  at  Montreux  :  To  Ihose  Who  are  Shut-in  -.  The 
Message  of  an  Inualid  to  other  Sufferers. — Lausanne,  George  Bridel. 


74  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

she  could  make  her  influence  felt.  Feverishly 
she  began  to  write,  working  through  the  long 
hours  of  sleeplessness ;  ^  and  these  notes,  into 
which  she  poured  her  whole  loving  heart,  without 
the  least  straining  after  literary  effect,  became 
the  booklet  to  which  we  have  referred  more  than 
once  already. 

I  pity  the  man  who  reads  Joyful  in  Tribulation 
in  a  critical  spirit,  who  cannot  see  behind  the 
artless  simpHcity  of  the  style  the  radiant  beauty 
of  a  soul  which  reveals  its  inmost  secrets  for  the 
sake  of  those  who  have  to  follow  the  same  painful 
course  that  she  had  already  travelled,  before 
reaching  the  haven  of  peace.  And  I  would  like 
to  say  to  this  ultra-refined  reader,  '  If  ever  you 
in  your  turn  should  be  chained  down  to  a  bed  of 
pain,  take  up  this  booklet  again,  and  you  will 
then  appreciate  its  value  ! '  It  is  written  for 
sufferers  first  and  foremost,  and  hundreds  and 
even  thousands  of  them  have  welcomed  it  eagerly 
as  a  refreshing  draught  to  cool  their  spiritual 
thirst.     It  has  gone  as  a  messenger  of  peace  into 

1  '  God  Himself,'  she  wrote  to  a  friend,  '  gave  me  strength  to  write 
this  booklet,  and  even  dictated  its  language.  For  I  wrote  it  at 
night  during  high   fever,  without  any  preconceived  plan,  just  as  it 


came. 


A  SUMMONS  TO  ACTION  75 

many  a  darkened  room,  where  the  body  is  racked 
with  pain,  and  the  spirit  seethes  with  rebelHon. 
It  has  brought  with  it  a  breath  of  heaven,  and 
a  hfe-giving  warmth.  To  some,  as  we  know, 
it  has  opened  up  a  new  Hfe.  O  httle  book, 
hardly  deserving  the  name  of  '  book '  (what  does 
that  matter  ?).  How  many  books  would  I  not 
give  for  you  ! 

The  booklet.  Joyful  in  Tribulation,  begun  at  a 
time  when  Adele  Kamm  seemed  to  have  reached 
a  condition  of  absolute  helplessness,  when  she 
would  need  all  her  strength  to  support  the  crush- 
ing weight  of  her  own  suffering,  proved  to  be 
the  first  step  on  a  path  of  redoubled  activity  and 
growing  influence  in  all  directions.  Henceforth 
she  had  a  powerful  interest  outside  herself,  a 
definite  outlet  for  all  her  energy.  And  from  the 
beginning  she  found  it  quite  amusing  (once  the 
vexed  question  of  literary  style  was  settled)  to 
learn  the  technical  side  of  the  profession  of  letters, 
to  '  see  herself  in  print,'  to  choose  paper  and  type, 
to  discuss  business  with  printers,  and  to  correct 
proofs !  Adele  corresponded  busily  with  Mr.  H., 
who  helped  her  with  his  advice,  while  at  the  same 


76  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

time  he  left  her  quite  free  to  work  out  her  ideas 
as  she  chose.  The  booklet  is  her  own  work  right 
through,  from  the  first  page  to  the  last.  And  not 
only  did  this  enterprising  little  person  launch  out 
as  an  '  authoress,'  but  she  was  her  own  publisher 
as  well,  her  object  being  to  earn  money  that  she 
might  give  the  profits  to  the  scheme  for  a 
'  Pavilion  for  Open-air  Treatment.'  ^  She  soon 
displayed  remarkable  financial  and  administrative 
ability.  We  have  a  good  many  women  in  Switzer- 
land who  are  gifted  in  this  direction.  I  know 
one,  a  beautiful  and  attractive  girl,  who,  at  the 
age  of  twenty-two,  managed  a  hotel  at  the  Cape 
during  the  Boer  War,  when  the  whole  country 
was  swarming  with  adventurers.  Adele  Kamm 
would  have  been  quite  equal  to  such  a  task.  At 
the  age  of  fifteen  she  would  often  help  her  mother 
to  finish  up  difficult  accounts.  She  managed  her 
booklet  so  well  that  the  profits  were  substantial. 
I  told  her  one  day  that  all  the  literary  people  in 
French  Switzerland  might  envy  her  financial 
success  ! 

*  Adele  Kamm  wished  to  pay  the  printing  expenses  out  of  her 
own  savin<^s.  She  used  a  small  sum  which  she  had  put  aside  for  the 
purchase  of  invalid-chairs  for  poor  patients. 


A  SUMMONS  TO  ACTION  77 

And  what  a  pleasure  it  was  to  receive  the 
requests  which  poured  in  from  all  quarters,  and 
to  see  the  piles  of  booklets  disappearing  at  such 
a  rate  that  new  editions  had  to  be  ordered.^ 
The  goal  had  been  reached  at  one  bound.  The 
gentle  voice  issuing  from  this  sickroom  was  to 
awaken  an  echo  in  many  hearts.  Every  post 
brought  fresh  letters  from  unknown  correspond- 
ents ;  once  she  had  as  many  as  fifty-seven  in  one 
week,  and  she  made  it  a  duty  to  answer  each  one 
personally.  What  a  task  for  a  girl  whom  the 
doctors  considered  to  be  in  the  last  stage  of 
disease  !  But  in  doing  this  she  found  new  strength 
and  joy.  She  took  on  a  new  lease  of  life.  Goethe 
liked  to  assert  that  a  man  cannot  die  until  he  gives 
his  consent.  Adele  Kamm  did  not  consent  to 
die,  although  she  had  no  fear  of  death.^     At  the 

*  The  booklet  is  known  abroad  as  well  as  in  Switzerland.  A 
German  edition  has  been  published,  with  a  preface  by  the  Rev.  E. 
Hoffet,  entitled  Frohlich  im  Tr'uhsal.  Strassburger  Druckerei  und 
Verlagsanstalt,  Filiale  Colinar. 

2  Letter  of"  9th  July  1909  to  Mrs.  F.  G.  :  'I  am  under  no 
delusion  on  this  point.  I  know  that  I  have  extraordinary  vitality, 
but  I  am  getting  gradually  weaker,  and  all  I  ask  of  God  is  to  let  me 
live  another  year  or  two  in  spite  of  my  pain,  for  the  sake  of  my  dear 
ones,  who  are  feeling  the  loss  of  my  father  very  keenly.  ...  I  love 
life,  I  enjoy  it  intensely,  but  I  also  love  the  thought  of  death,  of 
being  nearer  to  God,  of  knowing  at  last  the  joy  and  glory  of  that 


78  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

beginning  of  her  illness,  when  her  Hfe  seemed 
useless,  and  her  sufferings  were  almost  beyond 
endurance,  she  certainly  did  desire  to  be  set  free 
by  death,  for  she  was  full  of  the  sure  and  certain 
hope  of  immortality.  But  now  that  she  felt  that 
she  had  a  definite  work  to  do,  she  determined  to 
live  as  long  as  she  possibly  could.  '  As  far  as  I  am 
concerned,'  she  wrote  on  the  ist  of  April  1910 
to  Mr.  H.,  '  I  should  be  quite  glad  to  be  freed 
from  suffering  and  to  be  with  God.  Nevertheless 
I  struggle  hard  to  remain  here  as  long  as  I  can, 
for  there  is  so  much  work  to  do,  and  this  makes 
me  very  happy.  Above  all,  I  must  live  for  my 
dear  mother's  sake,  for  she  would  be  very  lonely 
without  me.  So  I  am  taking  care  of  myself,  and 
I  am  fighting  against  this  terrible  disease  as  hard 
as  I  can,  disputing  every  inch  of  the  way,  and  I 
quite  hope  that  the  extraordinary  physical  vitality 
which  characterises  our  family  will  help  me  to 
offer  a  prolonged  resistance.  But  that  means 
that  I  must  suffer  a  great  deal,  and  never  leave 
my  bed.' 

So  Adele  Kamm  did  not  consent  to  die  until 

"Eternal  Life"  promised  and  realised  by  Christ.  Life  and  death 
are  alike  joy  to  me,  so  my  heart  is  confident  and  at  peace.' 


A  SUMMONS  TO  ACTION  79 

she  could  literally  hold  out  no  longer.  For  more 
than  two  years  yet  she  was  to  live  and  work  with 
renewed  energy,  in  spite  of  the  fact  that  according 
to  all  the  well-established  laws  of  medical  science 
it  was  impossible  for  her  to  be  alive  at  all. 


CHAPTER  X 

A    WIDENING    CIRCLE 

'Joy  is  a  most  contagious  catching  thing.  But  of  all  joys, 
joy  in  the  midst  of  trouble  .  .  .  nothing  persuades  the  world 
of  the  reality  of  religion  more  than  the  deep  rest  it  brings  to 
the  believing  heart.  A  mind  at  perfect  peace — that  is  the 
mystery  of  Christian  living,  that  is  the  secret  of  communion 
with  God.' — Barbour. 

The  inward  life  of  Adele  Kamm  came  to  its  full 
development  in  the  year  1909,  and  her  character 
ripened  in  a  most  beautiful  way.  It  was  also 
the  most  active  period  of  her  life.  A  little  while 
before  her  death  she  said :  '  That  was  the 
happiest  year  of  my  life.'  Nevertheless,  as  we 
shall  see,  it  proved  the  beginning  of  a  period 
of  yet  more  painful  limitation — that  of  entire 
confinement  to  bed.  In  the  early  part  of  this 
year  she  passed  into  the  shadow  of  a  great  sorrow, 
for  on  the  22nd  of  February  1909  her  father, 
then  aged  eighty-four,  died  after  an  attack  of 
apoplexy.  Adele  was  deeply  attached  to  him, 
and  the  bond  which  united*^ father  and  child  was 


A  WIDENING  CIRCLE  8i 

very  close  and  tender.  It  was  his  delight  to 
instruct  her  in  mathematics,  for  Adele  was  a  very- 
apt  pupil.  He  had  also  taken  the  keenest  interest 
in  her  little  book,  Joyful  in  Tribulation?- 

After  her  father's  death  Adele  felt  an  increased 
sense  of  responsibility.  One  of  her  intimate 
friends  told  me  that  from  that  moment  her 
character  deepened  visibly.  At  one  bound  the 
young  girl,  accustomed  to  depend  on  the  shelter- 
ing affection  of  others,  leapt  into  womanhood. 
A  certain  disciphned  maturity  added  dignity  to 
her  natural  charm,  while  with  loving  wisdom  she 

1  Letter  to  Mrs.  F.  G.,  29th  July  1909  :  'All  the  work  connected 
with  my  little  book  had  to  be  done  last  spring  when  I  was  so  ill, 
besides  being  terribly  shaken  by  the  death  of  my  dear  father ;  he 
passed  away  after  an  attack  of  apoplexy,  and  I  was  only  able  to  see 
him  twice  before  he  died.  This  little  book  was  my  father's  last 
real  pleasure  5  he  only  saw  it  in  manuscript,  but  he  helped  me  so 
much  by  his  encouraging  advice  and  sympathy.' 

Out  of  respect  to  her  father's  memory  Adele  Kamm  refused  to 
make  any  corrections  in  the  MS.  which  he  had  read  through  with 
her.  Her  friends  at  Leysin  particularly  wished  her  to  leave  out  the 
following  passage  :  *  This  is  one  of  the  most  beautiful  things  I  have 
ever  seen  :  two  hundred  people  living  together  for  a  whole  winter  in 
absolute  harmony,  free  from  gossip  and  scandal  or  any  kind  of  dis- 
agreement— the  spirit  of  friendship  binding  all  into  one  large 
family.' 

Adele  Kamm  was  certainly  mistaken  on  this  point.  In  her  quiet 
room  peace  and  charity  reigned  supreme  ;  but  otherwise  the 
sanatorium  life  went  on  as  before,  excepting  that  her  presence  was 
an  additional  influence  for  good. 

F 


82  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

guided  and  encouraged  all  who  came  into  touch 
with  her.  She  exercised  this  growing  influence 
with  so  much  delicate  tact  that  no  one  could 
possibly  resent  it.  The  young  invalid  was  now 
in  a  position  to  give  a  hundred  times  more  than 
she  received. 

Her  own  family  came  first,  for  she  did  not 
belong  to  the  class  of  people  who  reserve  their 
gracious  manners  for  the  outside  world.  She 
began  her  ministry  of  joy  among  those  whom 
she  loved  best,  and  upon  them  she  lavished  the 
tenderest  and  most  delicate  affection.  In  all 
the  small  difficulties  of  daily  life  she  tried  to  make 
things  run  smoothly,  until  little  by  little  her 
contented,  happy  spirit  infected  the  whole  family. 
She  did  not  wish  her  illness  to  prevent  her  younger 
sister  from  enjoying  herself ;  indeed,  she  was 
quite  anxious  to  see  her  sharing  in  all  the  innocent 
gaiety  of  girls  of  her  age,  and  her  soHcitude  was 
quite  maternal.  As  for  her  mother,  who  during 
this  long  illness  nursed  her  with  unbounded 
tenderness  and  devotion,  Adele's  one  thought  was 
to  save  her  as  much  trouble  as  possible.  Gradu- 
ally she  succeeded  in  leading  her  dear  ones  along 
the  same  path  that  she  herself  had  trodden,  from 


A  WIDENING  CIRCLE  83 

anguish  and  rebellion  to  submission,  and  from 
submission  to  joy.  No  incurable  invalid  ever  had 
a  happier  home  circle. 

She  had  the  same  gracious  welcome  for  all, 
and  made  no  distinction  of  class  or  creed.  The 
necessity  for  looking  the  essential  facts  of  life  and 
death  in  the  face  had  placed  her  above  all  that 
was  petty  and  small  in  her  daily  life.  Among  her 
most  frequent  visitors  were  a  Roman  Catholic 
lady-doctor  and  a  well-known  Agnostic.  The 
latter  came  twice  a  week  to  give  Adele  a  zoology 
lesson.  But  it  would  seem  that  the  positions 
were  reversed,  and  as  far  as  spiritual  things  were 
concerned  the  pupil  became  the  teacher.  '  On 
Saturday,'  she  wrote  in  January  1909,  '  Mr.  X. 
happened  to  be  here  at  the  same  time  as  one  of 
my  friends,  who  had  asked  me  to  read  my  little 
book  ^  aloud  to  her,  which  I  did  in  fear  and 
trembling,  not  daring  to  look  at  Mr.  X.,  who  was 
sitting  at  one  end  of  the  sofa.  When  I  had 
finished  reading  (I  was  secretly  surprised  that 
he  had  not  interrupted  me)  I  looked  up  .  .  . 
and  you  may  imagine  my  astonishment  when  I 
tell  you  that  both  Mrs.  G.  and  Mr.  X.  were  too 

1  Joyful  in  Tiikulation. 


84  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

much  affected  to  speak !  .  .  .  When  Mrs.  G. 
had  left  he  came  up  to  me,  took  both  my  hands 
in  his,  and  said,  *'  You  write  beautifully,  but  I  do 
not  wish  you  to  overtire  yourself  ;  you  ought  not 
to  copy  all  that  out  just  now.  I  wonder  whether 
.  .  .  you  would  mind  .  .  .  letting  me  copy  out 
those  pages  for  Leysin.  ..."  I  was  deeply 
touched,  and  all  day  long  I  kept  on  repeating  in 
my  heart,  *'  Thank  God  for  this  change  in  Mr.  X. ! " 
Of  course  he  is  not  yet  a  believer,  but  at  least  he 
has  learnt  that  real  religion  is  a  thing  of  living 
significance,  and  he  respects  it  in  consequence. 
And  that  is  more  than  I  had  dared  to  expect.  .  .  . 
Some  days  later  Mr.  X.  came  back  with  a  most 
beautifully  written  copy.  And  he  read  it  all 
through  to  me,  even  the  hymn  : 

"It  is  at  the  Cross  that  the  way  begins  .  .  .'" 

It  is  indeed  a  delightful  scene,  and  one  which 
breathes  an  atmosphere  of  unconscious  dignity 
and  elevation  of  character. 

The  little  book,  Joyful  in  Tribulation,  roused  a 
widespread  feeling  of  interest  in  the  brave  young 
invalid.  All  over  Switzerland  people  were  stirred 
by  an  eager  desire  to  know  her  personally.     Letters 


A  WIDENING  CIRCLE  85 

and  visitors  from  near  and  far  began  to  pour  into 
La  Bergeronnette,  and  it  was  a  wonder  that  the 
admiration  and  praise  which  every  one  lavished 
upon  her,  and  the  pubHc  role  which  she  was  more 
and  more  called  upon  to  play,  did  not  affect 
her  character.  It  was  very  dangerous  for  a 
young  girl  to  attract  so  much  attention,  especially 
as  many  of  her  visitors  were  clergymen,  who  looked 
upon  her  as  a  remarkable  '  case,'  and  held  her  up 
as  an  example  to  others.  It  was  indeed  the 
greatest  moral  danger  which  had  threatened  her. 
The  slightest  shade  of  unreaHty  would  have  ruined 
for  ever  the  influence  of  this  splendid  life  ! 

She  certainly  did  not  suffer  from  lack  of  good 
advice  !  People  were  constantly  admonishing  her 
thus :  '  My  child,  be  a  modest  girl ;  take  care 
that  you  do  not  become  vain  !  .  .  .  May  God 
keep  you  from  the  sin  of  pride,  and  preserve  you 
in  true  Christian  humility !  '  .  .  .  More  than 
once  the  poor  girl  cried  bitterly  about  it. 

On  every  hand  she  heard  the  words,  repeated 
in  varying  tones  of  warning  and  reproof,  *  Hu- 
mility, humiliation  .  .  .  freedom  from  pride  and 
vanity.' 

*  These  words,'   she  wrote  to  Mr.   H.,   '  and 


86  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

above  all  what  they  imply,  are  beginning  to  hurt 
me  very  much  indeed.  Please  tell  me  frankly 
if  people  really  think  I  am  proud  and  vain  ! 
Perhaps  I  am  a  little  unwise  in  letting  people  see 
how  pleased  I  am  about  this  work,  but  that  surely 
cannot  be  wrong,  for  God  knows  that  it  costs  me 
a  great  deal,  and  that  I  do  it  gladly  for  love  of 
Him.  .  .  .  But  I  do  find  it  so  difficult  to  hide  my 
feelings. 

*  I  am  only  sorry  that  people  cannot  read  my 
inmost  thoughts;  they  would  then  see  how  free 
I  am  from  pride  and  self-sufficiency.  Sometimes 
the  thought  of  my  imperfections  and  shortcomings 
almost  drives  me  to  despair !  That  is  why  I 
admire  and  appreciate  all  my  visitors,  even  the 
Agnostics,  because  I  feel  that  they  are  better  than 
I  am.  It  is  this  feeling  which  makes  me  shrink 
from  doing  anything  that  is  not  quite  usual.  For 
some  time  I  hesitated  about  writing  my  little  book 
lest  I  should  seem  to  be  setting  myself  up  as  an 
example ;  and  even  after  I  had  begun  it,  more 
than  once  I  laid  down  my  pen  and  felt  as  though 
I  could  not  go  on.  It  is  just  because  I  am  humble 
that  I  have  dared  to  write  down  the  story  of  my 
feehngs,  my  struggles,  my  revolts,  and  the  pro- 


A  WIDENING  CIRCLE  87 

gress  which  I  made  under  the  influence  of  God 
and  my  friends,  and  not  by  my  own  strength. 
You  will  understand  that  it  cuts  me  to  the  quick 
when  I  hear  that  some  of  my  friends  are  dubious 
about  me  ;  perhaps  only  God  and  those  nearest 
me  know  my  real  spiritual  state.' 

Over  and  over  again,  to  various  correspondents, 
she  dilated  upon  the  embarrassment  she  felt  in 
being  almost  forced  into  a  public  life.  The  un- 
expected success  of  her  booklet  overwhelmed  her. 
She  would  often  exclaim,  '  Oh,  how  I  should  like 
to  hide  myself  and  become  a  private  individual 
once  more  !  '  But  she  was  sustained  by  the  con- 
viction that  she  had  not  chosen  this  work  for  her- 
self, but  that  God  had  given  it  to  her ;  and  her 
sense  of  vocation  deepened  as  she  found  that 
He  enabled  her  to  fulfil  her  ministry  in  spite 
of  extreme  and  sometimes  prostrating  physical 
weakness. 

In  November  1909  the  vertebrae  of  her  neck 
were  so  badly  affected  that  she  thought  that 
she  would  have  to  give  up  writing  altogether. 
The  following  letter  on  this  subject  to  Mr.  H. 
expresses    nothing    but    the    most    joyful    sub- 


88  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

'zij/  November  1909. 

*  .  .  .  God  has  lavished  upon  me  such  a  multi- 
tude of  utterly  unmerited  blessings ;  He  has 
turned  every  hour  of  my  affliction  into  such  deep 
pure  joy  that  I  feel  absolutely  ready  to  accept 
whatever  He  sends  in  a  spirit  of  quiet  confidence. 
He  gave  me  the  power  to  write  in  the  first  instance, 
and  if  He  takes  it  away  from  me  it  only  means  that 
He  does  not  wish  me  to  continue  this  sweet  and 
precious  ministry.  Or,  perhaps,  it  may  be  that 
He  has  heard  the  secret  sigh  of  my  heart.  You 
know  that  I  am  very  happy,  and  yet  sometimes 
my  spirit  faints  within  me,  for  I  am  finding  the 
burden  of  popularity  almost  too  heavy  for  me  to 
bear.  I  am  for  ever  being  torn  between  the  joy 
of  working  for  God  in  the  sweet  ministry  of  con- 
solation, and  the  desire  to  retire  into  privacy, 
and  live  in  quiet  communion  with  God.  I  feel 
that  if  I  can  no  longer  write  it  will  be  a  great 
blessing  which  God  has  sent  me,  and  I  await 
it  with  confidence.' 

This  '  popularity,'  which  often  tried  her  spirit, 
only  increased  as  time  went  on.  When  her  family 
actually  settled  down  in  Geneva,  there  was  such 
an  influx  of  visitors  that  sometimes  her  room  was 


A  WIDENING  CIRCLE  89 

never  empty  from  nine  in  the  morning  till  seven 
at  night !  Adele  Kamm's  tact  never  deserted 
her,  though  on  some  days  she  would  have  several 
visitors  at  the  same  time  who  belonged  to  very 
different  circles  of  society,  and  who  held  widely 
divergent  opinions.  She  knew  exactly  how  to 
choose  the  fitting  word  for  each,  and  how  to  avoid 
awkward  subjects  of  conversation. 

I  said  to  her  one  day  :  *  Do  you  not  find  all 
this  work  very  exhausting  ?  '  '  Never,'  she 
answered,  '  I  need  it.  It  is  my  life,  though  if  I 
do  any  little  unimportant  thing,  just  for  myself, 
I  am  tired  out  in  a  few  minutes.  But  I  must 
confess  that  I  would  like  to  have  a  little  more 
time  for  meditation  and  prayer.  At  present 
solitude  is  impossible  excepting  at  night,  when  the 
pain  is  bad  and  keeps  me  awake.  Otherwise  I 
sleep  perfectly  well.  I  am  not  at  all  a  nervous 
person.  .  .  .'  Her  doctors  did  not  agree  with 
her  on  the  last  point,  and  this  used  to  vex  her. 
'  If  she  had  not  had  a  nervous  temperament,'  said 
one  of  them  to  me,  '  she  would  have  died  long 
ago.  She  could  not  have  lived  through  those 
long  attacks  of  fever  when  the  only  nourishment 
she  could  take  was  less  than  a  glass  of  milk  a  day.' 


90  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

So  I  suppose  that  we  must  conclude  that  she  had 
a  nervous  temperament,  but  that  by  steady  self- 
control  she  turned  it  into  a  servant  instead  of  an 
enemy.  She  could  throw  herself  so  blindly  into 
a  scheme  as  to  lose  all  sense  of  proportion.  For 
the  time  being  she  would  literally  see  nothing 
else  !  If  she  had  been  self-centred  or  introspec- 
tive, she  could  just  as  easily  have  suffered  from 
a  violent  reaction  in  the  opposite  direction  ;  she 
might  have  given  way  to  profound  depression 
when  her  hopes  were  disappointed,  or  when  the 
burden  of  the  suffering  of  others  became  too 
heavy  for  her  to  bear.  But  she  did  not  do  so. 
She  was  always  strong  and  self-contained.  She 
possessed  a  strong  will  and  a  simple  faith,  and 
this  combination  made  her  a  powerful  influence 
for  good. 


CHAPTER  XI 


LOUISE    DEVENOGE 


*  It  is  Love  which  has  a  passion  for  giving,  for  ministry, 
for  service.  .  .  .  Life,  real,  free,  irrepressible,  bursts  into 
action,  has  its  very  being  in  bestowment  from  its  own  ful- 
ness.'— Fairbairn. 

As  time  went  on  Adele  Kamm's  doctors  insisted 
more  and  more  strongly  on  the  necessity  for 
absolute  rest.  When  the  fine  weather  returned 
this  enforced  inactivity  tried  her  greatly.  '  I 
have  been  rather  low-spirited  lately,'  she  wrote 
to  Mr.  H.  in  May  1909,  '  but  it  is  all  right  again 
now.  Every  spring  I  let  myself  mope  for  a 
fortnight !  When  the  warm  days  come,  and  I 
know  that  the  outside  world  is  full  of  singing  and 
of  bursting  buds  and  new  life,  I  feel  my  weak- 
ness more  than  ever,  and  an  almost  irresistible 
longing  comes  over  me  to  get  up  and  go  out, 
and  move  about  freely  !  For  the  last  fortnight 
I  have  been  somewhat  out  of  tune.  But  that 
is  over,  and  I  am  quite  happy  and  serene.' 


92  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

She  had  been  obliged  to  give  up  going  down 
to  the  garden ;  and  as  it  was  difficult  to  give  her 
the  requisite  care  in  the  country,  the  family  moved 
into  Geneva,  to  a  comfortable  flat  in  the  upper 
part  of  the  new  municipal  buildings  of  Eaux-Vives 
(a  suburb  of  the  city),  where  Adele  could  have  a 
sunny  room  looking  out  over  the  Pre  I'Eveque. 

The  journey  from  La  Bergeronnette  to  her  new 
home  was  made  by  ambulance.  It  was  very 
painful,  and  Adele  arrived  feeling  thoroughly 
weary  and  ill.  But  she  was  delighted  with  her 
pretty  pink  room,  which  was  very  bright  and 
cheerful,  and  still  more  with  the  verandah  which 
opened  out  of  it ;  this  was  so  gay  with  flowers 
that  it  looked  like  a  veritable  hanging  garden  ! 
On  warm  afternoons  she  could  be  wheeled  in 
there  on  a  movable  bed.  Certainly  the  Pre 
I'Eveque  is  no  longer  what  it  used  to  be — a  green 
meadow  encircled  by  giant  elm-trees.  The  elms 
have  either  been  cut  down  to  make  way  for  stiflF 
avenues,  or  else  they  have  been  so  clipped  and 
pruned  that  they  look  like  maimed  beggars  raising 
their  stumps  to  heaven  in  despair  !  And  all 
around  this  open  space  are  gloomy  and  pre- 
tentious-looking   houses.     But    Adele    did    not 


LOUISE  DEVENOGE  93 

appear  to  notice  these  blots  on  the  landscape. 
She  was  not  hypercritical  in  aesthetic  matters  ; 
illness  alone  compelled  her  to  lead  the  life  of  a 
recluse.  Her  natural  aspirations  were  all  directed 
towards  the  life  of  action  and  command. 

'  During  the  four  years  we  spent  in  the  country,' 
she  wrote  on  the  14th  of  August  1909, '  I  was  out 
of  everything,  and  since  we  moved  here  in  May 
I  seem  to  have  come  back  to  civilisation,  and  I 
am  enjoying  it  immensely  !  '  From  her  window 
she  never  tired  of  watching  the  rush  of  traffic  in 
the  street  below,  or  of  listening  to  the  mighty 
hum  of  the  life  of  the  city.  The  constant  rumble 
of  passing  tramcars,  motors,  and  wagons  did  not 
annoy  her  in  the  least.  She  loved  to  catch  the 
distant  echo  of  popular  rejoicings.  The  following 
year,  when  the  great  Musical  Festival  was  held, 
she  was  delighted  with  the  sound  of  the  trumpets, 
which  floated  up  to  her  from  afar.  But  at  night 
a  noisy  crowd  streamed  out  on  to  the  Square,  and 
drunken  cries  and  snatches  of  ribald  songs  were 
wafted  into  her  quiet  room,  over  which  a 
holy  peace  was  always  brooding.  Instinctively 
her  pure  spirit  shrank  from  the  unaccustomed 
sounds  of  evil  revelry  ;    to  her  it  was  the  painful 


94  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

reminder  of  an  unknown  world,  a  world  of  sin 
and  shame.  '  During  this  Musical  Festival,'  she 
wrote  on  the  20th  of  August,  '  there  has  been  such 
an  outbreak  of  drunkenness  that  the  streets  of 
Geneva  have  resounded  all  night  long  with  wild 
beast  shouts  and  cries.  .  .  .  When  the  bells 
began  to  ring  on  Sunday  morning,  filling  the  air 
with  their  clear  and  joyful  melody,  a  melody 
which  harmonised  so  exquisitely  with  the  beauty 
of  the  summer  morning,  and  with  the  purest 
aspirations  of  the  soul,  I  was  almost  overwhelmed 
by  the  sense  of  the  havoc  made  by  sin.' 

Adele  Kamm  spent  a  few  radiantly  happy 
afternoons  upon  her  verandah,  but  this  pleasure 
was  of  brief  duration.  She  soon  became  seriously 
ill,  and  was  obliged  to  remain  altogether  in  her 
room,  and  in  bed.  She  accepted  this  fresh 
deprivation  without  a  murmur.  Nevertheless 
it  cost  her  a  great  deal.  She  wrote  thus  on  the 
14th  of  August  1909  :  '  I  could  not  have  believed 
that  it  would  have  made  things  so  difficult,  or 
that  fresh  air  was  such  a  necessity  both  for  body 
and  mind  !  For  a  fortnight  I  had  been  carried 
each  morning  on  to  the  flowery  verandah  which 
adjoins  my  room,  and  it  was  such  a  delicious  rest 


LOUISE  DEVENOGE  95 

and  relief  !  .  .  .  But  I  have  not  been  able  to 
continue  this  practice.  The  fact  that  the  disease 
has  broken  out  more  violently  than  ever,  accom- 
panied by  high  fever,  shows  me  that  Adele  Kamm 
ought  to  be  in  her  bed  and  in  her  room  instead 
of  lying  out  among  the  flowers  !  ...  It  has  been 
rather  a  hard  lesson,  but  I  have  accepted  it, 
and  now  I  am  enjoying  that  delightful  sense  of 
repose  which  is  the  fruit  of  spiritual  victory  !  ' 

At  that  time  she  was  tormented  by  constant 
pain  in  the  neck,  so  much  so  that  she  could  no 
longer  bear  the  weight  of  her  head.  As  she  had 
trouble  in  swallowing,  a  specialist  examined  her 
and  discovered  that  a  diseased  bone  was  piercing 
through  the  flesh.  Some  way  of  supporting  the 
head  had  to  be  found,  and  with  a  good  deal  of 
difficulty  a  plaster  impression  was  taken,  and  in 
November  a  kind  of  celluloid  support  was  made 
to  cover  the  neck  and  shoulders.  She  could  not 
bear  this  instrument  for  very  long.  While  she 
wore  it  she  used  to  be  propped  up  in  a  half- 
sitting  position.  Though  her  head  was  motion- 
less upon  the  pillows,  she  looked  as  bright  and 
sweet  as  usual,  and  her  restless  dark  eyes  gave  her 
face  a  great  deal  of  animation. 


96  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

She  was  radiantly  happy  now,  for  a  new  field 
of  usefulness  had  just  opened  up  before  her, 
which  provided  an  outlet  for  all  her  energies. 
We  have  seen  that  her  thoughts  went  out  con- 
stantly to  all  incurable  sufferers,  and  that  she 
corresponded  regularly  with  many  of  them.  The 
number  of  those  who  depended  on  her  was  con- 
stantly increasing.  When  she  grew  worse  she 
feared  that  she  would  have  to  give  up  the  attempt 
to  answer  (in  the  way  she  wished  to  do)  all  the 
letters  she  received,  some  of  which  were  from 
entire  strangers.  The  day  that  she  was  moved 
to  the  flat  in  Eaux-Vives  she  had  a  letter  from 
Miss  Louise  Devenoge,  suggesting  that  she  should 
start  a  society  for  invalids  similar  to  those  existing 
in  the  United  States. 

The  name  of  Louise  Devenoge  should  not  be 
separated  from  that  of  Adele  Kamm.  The 
Society  of  the  *  Coccinelles '  is  their  united 
enterprise.  They  died  within  two  days  of  each 
other,^  leaving  behind  them  the  same  courageous 
example.     The  circumstances  of  their  lives  were 

*  Louise  Devenoge  died  on  the  i6th  of  March  191 1,  on  the  day 
of  Adcle  Kamm's  funeral.  The  two  young  invalids,  who  had  done 
so  much  for  the  same  object,  met  only  once.  Louise  Devenoge  was 
on  one  occasion  carried  to  the  Mairie  des  Eaux-Vives. 


LOUISE  DEVENOGE  97 

very  similar,  excepting  that  Louise  Devenoge  had 
to  fight  against  poverty  as  well  as  against  disease. 
She  was  born  at  Geneva  on  the  15th  of  June 
1877,  in  humble  circumstances,  and  she  lost  her 
mother  when  she  was  only  three  years  old.  She 
was  a  delicate  child,  who  did  not  receive  the  care 
she  required.  She  never  knew  the  tenderness 
which  her  affectionate  nature  needed  ;  so  her 
childhood  and  girlhood  passed  by  in  an  atmo- 
sphere of  grey  monotony.  She  picked  up  a 
meagre  education  at  an  elementary  school,  where 
her  attendance  was  irregular,  owing  to  her  fragile 
health.  As  soon  as  she  left  she  was  apprenticed 
to  a  waistcoat-maker.  Unfortunately,  her  mis- 
tress thought  she  was  lazy,  and  urged  her  on 
when  she  was  really  suffering  from  exhaustion. 
When  at  last  they  realised  that  she  was  ill,  she  was 
sent  to  the  Dollfus  Hospital  at  Cannes.  Later 
on  she  was  boarded  out  with  peasant  families  at 
Pressy,  Choulex,  and  in  the  Canton  of  Vaud.  For 
some  time  she  was  under  treatment  in  the  hospitals 
of  Geneva  and  Lausanne.  Both  legs  were  para- 
lysed, and  finally  she  was  pronounced  incurable. 

Instead  of  retarding  her  inward  progress,  suffer- 
ing only  seemed  to  refine  her  character  and  in- 


98  THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

tensify  her  spiritual  vigour.  We  are  told  that 
she  had  large  intelligent  dark  eyes,  a  trifle  restless 
in  expression,  which  shone  out  strangely  in  her 
pale,  thin  face.  Her  religious  hfe  was  deepened 
by  the  courageous  manner  in  which  she  accepted 
her  affliction.  Intelligent  above  the  average,  she 
developed  her  powers  of  mind  by  reading  and 
reflection,  as  well  as  by  thoughtful  conversation 
with  the  clergymen  and  other  educated  people 
who  visited  her.  She  had  heard  of  the  Hospital 
for  Cripple  Children,  founded  by  Dr.  Edward 
Martin  at  Pinchat,  and  she  asked  to  be  received 
as  a  patient,  although  she  was  then  more  than 
twenty  years  of  age.  There  she  spent  the  best 
years  of  her  life.  From  her  bed,  which  was 
placed  at  an  angle  of  the  large  ward,  she  could  see 
the  whole  room  ;  from  that  point  of  vantage 
she  was  able  to  act  as  elder  sister  to  the  little 
patients ;  she  devoted  herself  entirely  to  their 
interests,  keeping  them  happily  employed  for 
hours  together,  either  in  learning  hymns  and 
poems,  or  in  various  kinds  of  handiwork.  Thanks 
to  her  influence  a  very  happy  spirit  prevailed  in 
the  Home,  and  the  sense  that  she  was  actively  and 
usefully  employed  cheered  her  greatly. 


LOUISE  DEVENOGE  99 

When  her  helplessness  increased,  and  she  needed 
more  attention  than  they  could  give  her  in  a 
Children's  Hospital,  she  was  taken  to  Dr.  Martin's 
Private  Nursing  Home  at  Champel.  The  last 
years  of  her  life  were  spent  there.  Practically 
every  patient  came  under  the  spell  of  her  in- 
fluence.^ Her  strong  brave  spirit  was  a  lasting 
inspiration,  and  her  whole  life  was  a  silent  sermon 
on  patience  and  submission.  '  She  was  never 
selfish,'  wrote  one  of  her  friends  ;  '  in  her  weakness 
she  was  always  thinking  of  what  she  could  do  for 
others.  I  used  to  admire  the  way  she  would 
manage  to  make  little  articles  of  needlework, 
though  the  effort  tired  her  very  much.  It  is  not 
exactly  easy  to  sew  when  you  cannot  move  your 
head,  and  when  it  tumbles  about  in  all  directions 

^  After  her  death  one  of  her  fellow-sufferers  paid  her  the  following 
tribute:  'When  I  became  ill  myself  I  found  the  first  rays  of 
comfort,  and  later  on  a  constant  support,  in  Louise's  wonderful 
patience  and  serenity.  For  nine  years  her  love  was  always  the  same, 
ready  to  enfold  me  in  its  healing  warmth  on  bad  and  good  days 
alike.  I  can  never  express  what  I  owe  to  her  .  .  .  she  has  opened 
my  eyes  to  so  much.  .  .  .' 

Mr.  Arthur  Masse,  a  member  of  the  Society  of  the  *  Coccinelles,' 
wrote  an  article  on  Louise  Devenoge  in  the  Semaine  Religteuse  of  the 
25th  of  March  1 9 1 1 .  '  She  had  only  one  idea,'  wrote  Mr.  Masse, '  to 
do  all  in  her  power  to  comfort  the  sick,  and  to  help  them  to  accept 
their  suffering  in  that  spirit  of  submission  of  which  she  was  a  living 
witness,  through  a  life  of  unusual  trial  and  pain.' 


loo         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

unless  it  is  propped  up.  ...  I  would  often  find 
her  in  a  most  critical  position,  her  head  having 
rolled  off  the  pillow.  She  just  waited  patiently 
until  some  one  came  to  her  aid.  ...  In  this 
condition  of  complete  helplessness  she  had  learnt 
to  be  content  with  her  lot,  and  she  was  always 
cheerful,  though  she  knew  that  there  was  no 
hope  of  recovery  for  her.  She  mapped  out  her 
time  in  such  a  way  that  each  hour  was  usefully 
employed — that  is  to  say,  when  she  had  sufficient 
respite  from  pain.  .  .  .' 

Louise  Devenoge  was  just  the  person  to  work 
with  Adele  Kamm.  In  action  she  also  had  found 
not  only  strength  to  bear  her  own  suffering,  but 
power  to  transform  it  into  blessing  both  for  her- 
self and  for  others.  Her  energy  was  wonderful. 
When  she  lost  the  use  of  her  right  hand  she 
learnt  to  write  with  her  left,  and  carried  on  her 
work  to  the  last.  She  taught  herself  English, 
and  used  to  read  regularly  the  magazine  issued 
by  an  Invalids'  Union  in  America.  It  was  this 
which  suggested  to  her  mind  the  thought  of 
starting  a  similar  society  in  Switzerland.  Adele 
Kamm  took  up  the  idea  with  enthusiasm,  and  this 
new  interest  intensified  her  joy  in  life.     With  her 


LOUISE  DEVENOGE  loi 

usual  promptitude  and  decision  she  at  once  began 
to  work  it  out,  but  she  made  it  quite  clear  that 
Louise  Devenoge  was  the  real  founder  of  the  new 
society.  At  its  inception  she  wrote  to  her,  in  the 
first  circular  letter  of  the  ^  Coccinelles,'  in  the 
following  terms  :  '  I  want  the  first  message  in  this 
paper  to  be  addressed  to  you,  that  I  may  express 
to  you,  in  the  name  of  all  present  and  future 
members  of  the  Society  of  the  "  Coccinelles,"  our 
deep  gratitude  for  this  work  of  love  which  has 
issued  from  your  sickroom ;  especially  do  we 
appreciate  your  spirit  of  absolute  understanding 
of  the  inward  trials  of  your  invalid  sisters.' 


CHAPTER   XII 

THE    SOCIETY    OF    THE    '  COCCINELLES  ' 

'  Whatever  multiplies  the  bonds  which  attach  man  to  man 
makes  him  better  and  happier.' — Joueert. 

In  addition  to  physical  suffering  and  inward  con- 
flicts, invalids  are  often  oppressed  by  a  sense  of 
ineffectiveness  and  uselessness,  which  is  caused 
by  their  inability  to  enter  into  ordinary  life. 
They  are  shut  away  from  the  world  in  a  room 
which  may  become  almost  a  prison,  unless  they 
have  some  resource  which  will  inspire  them  with 
a  definite,  healthy  interest  in  life.  However 
lovingly  they  may  be  tended,  those  who  nurse 
them  are  often  incapable  of  understanding  them 
properly,  because  they  have  never  passed  through 
the  same  experiences.  If  only  they  could  have 
fellowship  with  other  sufferers  who  have  gone 
through  the  same  difficulties,  and  who  have  to 
fight  the  same  daily  battle  !  It  was  the  sense  of 
this  need  that  led  Adele  Kamm,  with  the  help  of 
Louise  Devenoge,  to  form  the   Society  of  the 


THE  SOCIETY  OF  THE  *  COCCINELLES '    103 

*  Coccinelles.'  ^  Her  aim  was  to  bind  together 
into  one  sacred  fellowship  all  lonely  sufferers, 
recognising  no  distinctions  of  age  or  sex,  class  or 
creed.  This  association,  whose  members,  in  the 
nature  of  things,  could  never  see  each  other, 
prospered  from  the  outset.  When  Adele  died 
there  were  already  a  hundred  members,^  who 
lived  in  the  principal  towns  of  French  Switzer- 
land and  at  Berne.  Adele  Kamm  formed  them 
into  branches,  each  branch  having  a  membership 
of  ten.  The  method  of  intercourse  is  very  simple  : 
a  circular  letter  is  sent  by  post  from  one  home  to 
another,  and  each  member  adds  his  or  her  thoughts 
or  feelings,  accounts  of  inward  struggles,  records 
of  spiritual  experience,  or  quotations  from  books. 
A  spirit  of  friendly  intimacy  springs  up  among  the 
members,  and  personal  relationships  are  formed 
between  those  who  feel  specially  drawn  to  each 
other.  In  this  way  they  emerge  from  their 
isolation  ;  and  this,  in  itself,  is  a  great  blessing  ; 
to  some  it  has  proved  the  beginning  of  a  new 
spiritual  era. 

1  Ladybirds. 

2  The  membership  has  increased  since  then,  for  the  Society  is 
still  in  a  flourishing  condition. 


104         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

Adele  Kamm  was  no  mere  visionary  enthusiast. 
She  was  a  capable  and  intelligent  girl.  Her  mind 
was  clear  and  practical,  her  mental  grasp  of  the 
realities  of  life  was  altogether  remarkable  under 
the  circumstances,  and  she  was  pre-eminently  a 
good  organiser.  I  used  to  see  in  her  a  parallel  to 
the  notable  women  saints  of  the  Roman  Catholic 
Church  (those  who  founded  Orders),  but  I  never 
dared  to  say  so,  even  in  fun,  for  her  extreme 
modesty  would  have  been  distressed  by  such  a 
comparison.  Was  she  not  after  all  the  '  Mother 
Superior '  of  the  Lay  Order  of  the  '  Coccinelles,' 
the  life  and  soul  of  the  large  family  she  had  formed, 
and  which  she  inspired  with  her  own  courage  ? 
She  exercised  her  authority  with  gentle  firmness. 
She  was  indefatigable  ;  each  branch  had  its  own 
secretary,  who,  in  her  turn,  corresponded  with 
Adele  Kamm,  and  received  written  instructions 
from  her,  which  were  models  of  clearness  and  pre- 
cision. She  belonged  to  every  group,  and  wrote 
in  each  circular  letter,  trying  to  give  real  spiritual 
guidance  to  the  members  by  encouraging  them 
in  a  way  which  was  all  the  more  valuable  in  that 
it  sprang  out  of  her  own  experience,  and  had 
been  tested  in  her  own  life. 


THE  SOCIETY  OF  THE  *  COCCINELLES '   105 

The  Society  of  the  '  Coccinelles '  bears  the 
indehhle  impression  of  Adele  Kamm's  personality. 
She  has  breathed  into  it  an  atmosphere  of  love 
and  intimacy,  whereas  a  similar  Association  in 
America  (which  has  a  large  membership)  issues  an 
important  subscription  list  and  a  printed  magazine. 
However,  Adele  felt  strongly  that  all  the  pro- 
ceedings of  her  Society  should  be  kept  as  private 
as  possible.  It  is  with  some  hesitation  that  I 
mention  those  modest  '  Coccinelles,'  who  would 
perhaps  prefer  to  remain  concealed  among  the 
grass  and  the  flowers,  like  the  cricket  in  the  fable. 
I  am  sure  that  they  will  forgive  me,  knowing  that 
I  cannot  give  an  accurate  picture  of  their  leader 
without  speaking  of  them.  It  is  impossible  to 
pass  over  such  an  important  part  of  her  work,  for 
it  is  more  especially  where  she  gives  herself  so 
freely  that  she  is  seen  at  her  best.  I  may  add  that 
she  herself  (making  an  exception  in  my  favour 
to  a  rule  which  she  had  laid  down  for  the  general 
good  of  the  Society)  lent  me  some  of  the  circular 
letters,  which  she  thought  would  give  me  the  best 
conception  of  the  aims  of  the  Union,  and  of  the 
spirit  in  which  it  was  carried  on. 

This  spirit  is  everywhere  the  same,  not  that  of 


io6         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

sad  and  passive  resignation,  but  of  active  courage. 
There  is  always  the  underlying  thought  of  giving 
the  invalids  the  idea  that  they  could  still  be 
useful.  *  Have  we  any  right  to  give  way  to  self- 
pity,  or  to  envy  the  activity  of  others,'  she 
would  say  to  them, '  to  regard  our  lives  as  blighted, 
or  as  burdensome  and  useless  ?  ' 

She  speaks  to  sufferers  with  the  tact  and  insight 
born  of  personal  experience.  She  knows  their 
inward  need,  she  understands  their  suffering. 
She  enters  into  detailed  descriptions  of  their  long 
inactive  days,  of  their  weary  sleepless  nights,  of 
little  private  difficulties  unknown  to  the  well  and 
strong,  and,  above  all,  that  sense  of  dependence 
which  is  so  hard  to  bear.  It  is  evident  that  she 
had  an  extraordinary  gift  of  sympathy  ;  she  seems 
to  have  known  exactly  how  to  get  '  alongside  ' 
others,  and  to  give  them  the  fitting  word  of  com- 
fort. In  order  to  avoid  discouraging  any  one, 
she  tried  not  to  make  herself  out  stronger  than 
she  was.  She  freely  acknowledged  her  moments 
of  weakness ;  she  almost  gives  us  the  impression 
that  she  was  glad  to  emphasise  them  !  On  the 
2 1  St  of  July  1 910  she  writes  :  *  I  have  gone 
through  a  great  many  struggles  lately,  arising  out 


THE  SOCIETY  OF  THE*  COCCINELLES'    107 

of  physical  weakness ;  I  mean  moods  of  un- 
reasonable elation  or  depression,  when  I  either 
felt  like  crying  for  nothing,  or  else  was  so  extrava- 
gantly happy  that  it  was  almost  like  heaven  on 
earth  !  '  She  also  confesses  her  spiritual  lapses. 
We  shall  see  this  later  on,  when  we  gather  up  the 
various  precious  glimpses  which  she  gives  of  her 
own  religious  experience.  After  all,  what  do 
defeat,  pain,  and  distress  matter  ?  Difficulties 
are  there  to  be  faced  and  overcome  !  Life 
assumes  a  different  aspect  when  met  in  this  spirit ; 
a  new  light  dawns,  and  the  invalid  enters  into  a 
different  relation  with  those  around  him.  He 
realises  that  new  powers  of  pure  love  have  been 
born  within  his  soul.  '  For  the  invalid  who  has 
understood  his  mission,'  said  Adele  Kamm,  '  the 
longer  and  more  painful  his  trial  the  more  wonder- 
fully will  his  sympathy  for  his  brothers  and  sisters 
in  affliction  be  enriched  and  deepened.  .  .  .' 

AU  sorts  of  answers  reached  her  ;  sometimes 
the  poor  handwriting  was  very  shaky  and  painfully 
contorted.  Some  of  the  letters  were  beautiful, 
some  were  naive,  all  were  touching.  Adele  Kamm 
received  each  one  with  the  same  loving  welcome. 
'  Brother  Sparrow  may  sing  in  the  birds'  concert 


io8         THE  LIFE  OF  ADIELE  KAMM 

as  well  as  any  one  else,'  she  would  say  in  her  pretty 
playful  way.  And  so  the  circular  letters  went  out 
on  their  mission,  to  be  received  with  eager  delight, 
for  their  message  was  one  of  inspiration,  saying 
to  the  weary,  '  Courage  !  you  are  not  alone ! ' 
In  spite  of  the  great  variety  of  character,  educa- 
tion, and  opinion  represented,  we  feel  that  the 
whole  is  welded  into  a  spiritual  unity  under 
the  watchful  direction  of  one  mind.  And  when 
we  know  whose  mind  this  was,  we  understand 
Emerson's  meaning  when  he  says  :  '  Communion 
...  I  mean  that  spirit  of  living  fellowship  by 
which  the  purest  souls  attract  the  humbler  and 
weaker,  and  lead  them  up  to  a  higher  level ;  this 
is  a  fountain  of  vital  energy  of  the  most  powerful 
order.' 

In  her  messages  to  the  *  Coccinelles '  Adele 
Kamm  expressed  her  opinions  on  religion  and 
Christianity  with  the  ardent  sincerity  of  a  con- 
viction won  by  experience.  But  she  never  tried 
to  force  them  upon  others,  and  she  had  no  desire 
to  propagate  any  special  ecclesiastical  views.  The 
religious  basis  of  the  Invalids'  Union  was  of  a 
strictly  neutral  character.  In  point  of  fact  I 
believe  that  the  majority  of  the  members  were 


THE  SOCIETY  OF  THE  '  COCCINELLES '    109 

Protestant ;  but  the  same  welcome  was  extended 
to  Roman  Catholics,  Jews,  and  Agnostics.  Adele 
Kamm  exerted  all  her  authority  to  uphold  this 
principle,  and  with  the  consent  of  the  Secretary 
of  each  branch  she  inserted  in  every  circular  letter 
repeated  and  definite  explanations  of  this  point. 
Every  Sunday  the  members  were  asked  to  read 
certain  chosen  portions  of  the  Bible,  and  to  pray 
for  one  another,  but  it  was  expressly  stipulated 
that  Agnostics  need  not  fall  in  with  this  arrange- 
ment. 

The  vigilance  of  the  Mother  Superior  never 
relaxed.  She  would  not  allow  it  to  become  the 
monopoly  of  any  one  sect.  Conciliatory  in  every 
other  respect,  on  this  point  she  was  immovable. 
She  did  not  agree  with  those  who  believed  in 
Faith-heaHng.  She  admitted  that  this  particular 
tenet  was  useful  for  those  who  found  comfort  in 
it,  but  she  would  not  allow  a  dogma  to  be  forced 
upon  her  (or  upon  those  whom  she  loved)  which 
did  not  tally  with  her  own  experience.  '  I  do 
not  doubt,'  she  wrote  on  the  27th  of  November 
to  Mrs.  F.  G.,  '  that  God  can  heal  us,  but  if  He 
does  not  do  so  He  is  only  acting  for  our  highest 
good,  and,  personally,  I  cannot  understand  this 


no         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

terrible  struggle  which  destroys  all  the  spiritual 
peace  and  blessing  flowing  from  the  entire  accept- 
ance of  the  will  of  God.  Thus,  as  my  prayers, 
and  those  of  my  family,  have  not  been  answered, 
we  have  accepted  the  situation,  and  in  doing  so 
we  have  found  wonderful  compensations.  I  tear 
up  all  the  tracts  on  Faith-healing  which  are  sent 
to  me,  for  I  am  firmly  convinced  that  God  will 
not  allow  me  to  suffer  in  vain,  and  I  know  only 
too  well  that  I  have  so  much  yet  to  learn  that 
recovery  would  not  be  good  for  me.' 

On  the  8th  of  June  1910  she  wrote  again  :  '  I 
am  having  a  regular  controversy  just  now  with  all 
the  prayer  unions  in  Switzerland  and  in  England 
which  pray  for  physical  healing,  and  for  mine  in 
particular.  My  little  book  has  comforted  all 
those  who  trust  God  in  trouble,  but  it  has  given 
offence  to  all  who  cannot  see  God's  hand  in  trial 
and  sickness,  and  who,  in  consequence,  do  not 
submit  to  Him.  I  am  bombarded  with  letters 
and  tracts  which  are  intended  to  convert  me  !  .  .  . 
They  do  not  come  from  ordinary  Faith-healing 
folk  only,  but  even  from  this  new  sect  in  America  ! 
I  cannot  help  smiling  as  I  write  my  decided 
refusals,  for  my  peace  and  joy  are  so  firmly  estab- 


THE  SOCIETY  OF  THE  '  COCCINELLES '    1 1 1 

lished,  and  my  opinions  likewise,  that  I  cannot 
help  resisting  these  attacks  with  all  the  energy  I 
possess,  though  sometimes  they  really  are  very 
amusing !  !  However,  I  dread  their  effect  on 
certain  invalids,  whose  convictions  are  not  yet 
quite  settled,  and  who  run  the  risk  of  losing  their 
peace  and  confidence  in  a  constant  mental  conflict. 
On  the  other  hand  I  know  that  some  sufferers 
may  find  in  this  form  of  piety  all  the  peace  and 
happiness  they  require.  The  human  mind  is  so 
mysterious,  so  infinitely  varied  in  character,  that 
it  is  not  easy  to  do  good  in  this  delicate  spiritual 
sphere  ;  perhaps  it  is  just  there  that  I  see  most 
clearly  the  presence  of  the  Divine  Spirit  in  that 
inspiration  which  leads  us  to  choose  exactly  the 
right  words  of  cheer  and  encouragement  for 
hundreds  of  needy  souls.  It  is  still  more  wonderful 
when  we  reflect  that  each  individual  soul  holds  a 
different  opinion,  and  that  these  opinions  are 
being  constantly  modifled,  to  such  an  extent  that 
no  one  could  ever  be  sure  of  striking  the  right 
chord  unaided  !  ' 

We  shall  see  that  this  spirit  of  tolerance,  or 
rather  this  gift  of  sympathetic  understanding 
with  all  who  differed  from  her  in  opinion,  only 


112         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

grew  larger  and  deeper  as  time  went  on.  One 
thing  however  tried  her  sorely,  and  that  was 
conventional  religious  phraseology  !  She  found 
it  hard  to  bear  with  people  whose  piety  wore  a 
melancholy  aspect.  She  actually  accused  herself 
of  '  sin  '  in  her  impatience  in  this  respect.  And 
if,  in  her  letters,  she  occasionally  expresses  her 
religious  ideas  in  somewhat  conventional  language 
it  is  simply  due  to  inexperience.  More  and  more 
she  managed  to  free  herself  from  those  phrases 
which  cast  a  shadow  over  the  radiant  beauty  of 
the  inward  life.  Her  naturally  high  spirits  kept 
her  mind  sane  and  vigorous.  Her  letters  to  in- 
valids are  often  very  amusing,  and  breathe  a 
delightful  sense  of  humour.  Would  you  like  an 
example  ?  Well,  here  is  the  memorable  story  of 
the  rat,  as  she  related  it  to  Mrs.  F.  G.  : 

*  zoth  August  1909. 

'  .  .  .  Yesterday  evening  a  frightful  noise 
nearly  made  us  jump  out  of  our  skins !  We  had 
just  settled  down  in  my  room  to  read  and  work 
by  the  light  of  the  electric  lamp  ...  it  was  such 
an  awful  crash  that  mother  and  Henrietta  simply 
flew    to    the    drawing-room    to    see    what    had 


THE  SOCIETY  OF  THE  '  COCCINELLES '    113 

happened  .  .  .  and  .  .  .  oh,  horrors !  .  .  .  that 
big  and  valuable  picture  of  the  Villa  Tivoli,  which 
covered  a  large  part  of  the  wall,  lay  on  the  floor 
.  .  .  broken  right  in  two  !  The  lamps  on  the 
piano  were  smashed,  picture-frames  and  ornaments 
were  shattered  to  atoms.  .  .  .  Whatever  was  it  ? 
The  picture-cord  was  cut  right  through,  although 
it  was  very  strong  and  thick,  yet  there  were  no 
signs  of  wear,  and  as  this  gave  way  suddenly,  down 
came  this  big  heavy  picture  upsetting  and  break- 
ing everything  in  its  way  !  And  who  was  the 
evil-doer  ?  .  .  .  A  rat  !  Yes,  my  dear  friend, 
I  mean  what  I  say,  a  rat,  a  dreadful,  horrible 
RAT  !  !  !  Some  days  ago  we  had  found  little 
heaps  of  sawdust,  which  made  us  fear  that  some- 
how a  rat  had  managed  to  get  into  our  well- 
ordered  household.  It  was  the  first  time  in  her 
life  that  Mother  had  ever  had  to  deal  with  such 
creatures,  so  she  put  down  poison  in  the  passages 
and  in  all  the  cupboards.  But  what  else  could  she 
do  ?  Well,  the  naughty  beast  took  up  his  abode  in 
our  piano  !  in  that  beautiful  instrument  on  which 
I  used  to  practise,  and  which  I  value  so  much.  My 
sister  had  gone  into  the  room  a  few  minutes  before 
to  try  over  a  song,  and  this  frightened  the  animal, 

H 


114         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

who  in  his  excitement  cHmbed  up  behind  the 
picture,  and  in  anger  he  bit  the  cord  clean  in  two 
just  after  my  sister  had  left  the  room  !  If  she 
had  stayed  a  few  minutes  longer  she  must  have 
been  killed ;  and  the  thought  of  her  narrow 
escape  has  comforted  us  amid  all  this  upset  !  But 
what  a  shock  it  has  been  !  !  Mother  and  Hen- 
rietta have  gone  into  Savoy  this  afternoon  to 
calm  their  nerves  !  I  am  delighted  for  them  to 
have  this  little  outing,  for  the  day  had  really  been 
too  full  of  excitement !  ' 

She  used  to  write  gaily  to  the  '  Coccinelles  ' 
about  anything  which  she  thought  might  interest 
or  divert  them.  She  encouraged  them  to  write 
about  everything  that  affected  their  lives,  as  well 
as  their  reflections  on  life  and  suffering.  Her  one 
aim  was  to  establish  loving  bonds  of  intimacy 
between  the  members  of  the  spiritual  family  she 
had  brought  into  being.  She  wanted  each  one 
to  enter  as  fully  as  possible  into  the  lives  of  the 
others,  and  through  this  interchange  of  thought 
and  sympathy  to  radiate  courage  and  joy.  '  Joy 
is  a  duty '  was  her  inspiring  motto.  And  the 
following  quotation  admirably  expresses  what 
she  had  discovered,  both  for  herself  and  for  others, 


THE  SOCIETY  OF  THE  *  COCCINELLES  '115 

of  the  blessing  concealed  in  suffering.  (It  has 
been  copied  out  hy  one  of  the  members  of  the 
Invalids'  Union  ^)  : 

*  Often  when  I  am  carving  a  block  of  marble,' 
said  a  sculptor  one  day,  '  and  when  I  see  the  chips 
flying  in  all  directions,  I  feel  a  kind  of  compassion 
for  the  stone,  and  I  try  to  comfort  it  by  saying, 
"  Yes,  I  am  wounding  and  hurting  you  now,  but 
my  purpose  is  to  fashion  you  into  a  thing  of  eternal 
beauty."  There  is  One  who  is  a  greater  Sculptor 
than  I,  greater  than  Michael  Angelo,  or  Phidias — 
God.  Humanity  is  His  marble  .  .  .  pain  is  His 
chisel  .  .  .  and  when  I  pass  through  suffering, 
and  see  the  way  in  which  sorrow  shatters  my  most 
lovely  dreams,  I  softly  murmur,  "  God  Himself  is 
at  work  in  my  soul,  and  in  His  infinite  mercy  He 
is  about  to  enrich  and  deepen  my  life  far  beyond 
my  own  imaginings  !     I  thank  Thee,  my  God  !  "  ' 

1  We  cannot  trace  the  author.     In  his  lines  on  the  death  of  his 
daughter  Alexander  Vinet  expresses  the  same  thought: 

'  Under  Thy  chisel.  Divine  Sculptor  of  my  soul, 
Let  all  my  happiness  fly  into  fragments.'' 


CHAPTER   XIII 


DISTANT   FRI-ENDS 


'  We  cannot  make  relationships  too  spiritual.  Wc  cannot 
be  too  careful  to  see  them  in  God,  and  God  in  them.' — 
Forbes  Robinson. 

The  ruling  passion  of  Adele  Kamm's  secluded  life 
was  friendship.  To  her  it  was  ever  a  source  of 
the  purest  joy.  It  would  seem  as  though  those 
who  have  been  refined  by  suffering  are  better 
fitted  for  pure  spiritual  fellowship  than  others. 
Their  inward  life  becomes  more  intense  as  their 
physical  strength  declines,  and  the  material  veil 
woven  by  much  activity  is  rent  and  destroyed. 
They  learn  to  apprehend  subtle  spiritual  realities, 
which  are  hidden  from  the  strong  and  active. 
We  might  almost  fancy  that  they  are  endowed 
with  a  special  gift  of  discernment  which  leads  them 
to  discover  by  intuition  the  deepest  feelings  of 
those  they  love.  If  they  are  not  self-centred 
their  sympathy  becomes  exquisitely  delicate,  and 
leads  them  into  regions  where  they  experience 


DISTANT  FRIENDS  1 1 7 

joys  so  intense  as  to  compensate  them  for  the 
pleasures  from  which  ill-health  has  debarred  them. 

Adele  Kamm  had  not  seen  the  intimate  friend, 
whose  example  had  taught  her  the  infinite  value 
of  cheerfulness/  since  her  second  visit  to  Leysin. 
But  when  Miss  O.  de  J.  was  staying  at  Aix-les- 
Bains  she  came  over  to  see  Adele  for  a  few  hours. 
This  visit  was  a  great  joy  ;  Adele  wrote  to  Mr.  H. 
about  it  afterwards  in  the  following  terms  : 

'  .  .  .  I  have  had  such  a  treat  lately  ...  a 
visit  from  O.  de  J.  We  found  that  the  spiritual 
bond  between  us  was  as  strong  as  ever,  and  that 
we  were  in  absolute  harmony  with  each  other. 
It  all  seemed  so  natural  that  we  said  nothing 
whatever  about  it  until  the  evening,  when,  as 
we  looked  up  into  the  starlit  sky,  we  fell  into  a 
conversation  which  I  shall  never  forget.  .  .  .  The 
things  which  are  unseen  and  eternal  alone  seemed 
real  and  vivid.  .  .  .  We  became  conscious  of 
perfect  spiritual  union.  Oh,  it  was  a  beautiful 
experience,  so  quietly,  gloriously  solemn  !  .  .  . 
Suddenly  we  seemed  to  realise  the  progress  we  had 
made  during  the  two  years  of  separation.  At 
Leysin  such  a  talk  would  have  been  impossible, 

1  Chapter  v.  pp.  31  and  following. 


ii8         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

and  this  discovery  almost  overwhelmed  us.  But 
what  was  more  wonderful  still,  we  found  that  we 
had  both  developed  along  the  same  lines.  .  .  . 
We  met  each  other  at  the  same  point  on  the  road, 
speaking  the  same  language,  and  this  after  two 
years  of  wholly  different  experiences.  My  pro- 
gress, of  course,  was  explained  by  my  illness,  but 
O.'s  case  was  very  different.  We  were  both  re- 
minded of  the  words  of  the  psalmist  :  "  The  way 
of  the  Lord  is  perfect."  O.  has  become  a  veritable 
fountain  of  peace,  tranquillity,  and  joy.  Since 
she  was  here  I  have  been  under  the  spell  of  a 
new  influence  which  flows  from  her  unconsciously, 
and  can  only  be  explained  by  the  fact  that  she 
has  won  complete  self-mastery,  and  has  passed 
through  a  great  inward  change.  .  .  .  She  has 
willingly  taken  the  course  into  which  I  have  been 
forced  by  illness,  and  this  path  has  led  us  both 
into  perfect  peace  and  joy.  This  evening  has  been 
the  most  beautiful  we  have  ever  spent.  It  is  just 
what  I  meant  when  I  wrote  in  my  little  book :  ^ 
"  What  can  be  more  beautiful  than  the  union  of 
two  souls  who  are  both  aiming  at  a  high  ideal  ?  " 
God  Himself  has  blessed  our  union ;   it  is  all  His 

1  Speaking  of  Miss  O.  de  J. 


DISTANT  FRIENDS  119 

doing,  and  our  hearts  are  overflowing  with  grati- 
tude. Silently  we  gazed  at  the  stars,  but  the 
whole  atmosphere  seemed  to  vibrate  with  songs 
of  gladness  and  heavenly  joy.' 

Adele  Kamm  had  several  intimate  friends, 
chronic  invalids  like  herself,  whom  she  could 
never  meet.  She  filled  her  room  with  their 
photographs.  If  any  of  their  relations  came  to  see 
her  she  would  inquire  minutely  into  all  the  circum- 
stances of  their  lives.  She  even  liked  to  know 
the  colour  of  their  eyes,  in  order  that  she  might 
make  an  accurate  picture  of  them  in  her  mind. 
Her  thoughts  went  out  to  them  constantly,  and 
with  such  an  intensity,  that  she  would  enter  into 
every  detail  of  their  daily  life,  their  pain,  their 
joys  and  anxieties.  In  a  sense  the  physical 
separation  was  no  hindrance  to  this  kind  of  friend- 
ship. Even  when  she  was  overwhelmed  by  work, 
or  was  herself  in  terrible  suffering,  she  would 
always  manage  to  write  to  those  whom  she 
specially  loved  some  of  those  long  letters,  from 
which  I  have  quoted  more  than  once. 

She  was  very  intimate  with  Miss  Cecile  Schlum- 
berger,  who  belonged  to  a  well-known  Alsatian 
family,  and  who  was  obliged  to  spend  ten  years 


120         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

of  her  life  at  Leysin.  Both  girls  were  there  at 
the  same  time,  but  they  never  met.  They  were 
not  in  the  same  building.  Mr.  H.  brought  them 
into  touch  with  each  other  later  on.  They 
began  to  correspond,  and  gradually  they  became 
more  and  more  intimate.  Miss  Schlumberger 
was  very  different  from  her  friend.  She  was 
highly  educated,  and  had  a  veritable  thirst  for 
knowledge.  In  order  to  occupy  her  hours  of 
leisure  she  used  to  read  works  of  science  and 
philosophy.  Mr.  Hoffet  said  about  her  :  '  Her 
logical  mind  craved  for  a  solution  of  the  problems 
of  life  as  well  as  of  those  of  the  speculative  realm 
.  .  .  she  longed  to  see  things  clearly.  .  .  . 
Naturally,  with  such  a  temperament,  she  passed 
through  difficult  seasons  of  inward  rebellion. 
She  had  to  wage  a  constant  warfare  between 
reason  and  faith,  between  thought  and  feeling. 
Above  all,  she  was  haunted  by  the  problem  of 
pain  ;  she  pondered  over  it  long  and  earnestly, 
but  without  finding  any  real  solution.  .  .  .  She 
felt  its  anguish  in  her  own  body ;  she  saw  its 
shadow  all  around  her  at  Leysin,  where  it  wore  a 
distressing  and  apparently  pitiless  aspect.  "  Why, 
oh  why,"  was  her  wistful  question,  "  must  we 


DISTANT  FRIENDS  121 

suffer  so  much  in  this  world  ?  "  And  then  there 
were  those  ten  years  of  illness  which  sapped  her 
Hfe  away,  which  were  never  explained,  which 
shook  her  faith  in  God,  and  so  sorely  perplexed 
her  logical  mind,  which  panted  after  perfection  ! 
Ten  years  of  illness  out  of  a  life  that  closed  at 
twenty-six  !  Her  beauty-loving  eager  spirit  chafed 
tinder  the  physical  limitations  imposed  by  her 
illness,  and  the  sum-total  of  all  these  hard  and 
painful  experiences  (so  sadly  familiar  to  us  at 
Leysin)  formed  a  burden  which  her  intense  nature 
felt  with  twofold  force,  and  her  youthful  spirit 
refused  to  accept.'  ^ 

Adele  Kamm  exercised  the  best  possible  in- 
fluence over  her  friend.  She  treated  her  in 
accordance  with  her  own  invariable  principle, 
a  principle  which  was  almost  always  entirely  suc- 
cessful :  she  set  her  to  work,  and  thus  diverted  the 
melancholy  current  of  her  thoughts.  Miss  Cecile 
Schlumberger  joined  the  Society  of  the  '  Coccin- 
elles.'  She  organised  and  directed  the  Leysin 
branch  from  the  very  beginning.  And  in  this 
work  her  active  and  generous  nature  found  ample 

•  In  memory  of  Cecile  Schlumberger,  Miihlhausen,  Dessaulles- 
Gluck. 


122         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

scope  for  development.  '  Do  you  not  find,'  she 
wrote  to  Adele  Kamm,  '  that  too  much  thinking 
may  be  a  great  snare  in  illness  ?  I  must  confess, 
dear  friend,  that  you  have  been  a  great  help  to 
me  in  this  difficult  struggle.  Since  I  learnt  to 
know  you  I  have  become  more  trustful  and  cour- 
ageous. The  work  you  have  given  me  to  do  has 
done  me  good.  In  trying  to  help  others  we  are 
helped  ourselves  ...  no  victory  is  devoid  of 
meaning  ...  no  loss  is  vain.  ...  I  spoke  about 
you  to  my  doctor  the  other  day.  He  was 
looking  at  your  photograph,  and  I  said,  "  That  is 
Adele  Kamm."  And  his  answer  was,  "  I  thought 
it  must  be,  from  her  radiant  expression."  .  .  . 
You  do  not  know  how  many  people  you  are 
helping.  It  does  cheer  me  so  when  I  look  at  you 
and  realise  that,  in  spite  of  everything,  good  is 
stronger  than  evil,  and  that  its  gentle  rays  pene- 
trate the  darkest  corners  of  the  world.' 

Miss  Schlumberger,  on  her  side,  by  her  strong 
personality  and  enlightened  mind,  had  a  distinctly 
good  influence  on  Adele  Kamm.  She  gave  her 
a  broader  conception  and  a  wider  outlook  on  life. 
She  taught  her  to  see  the  value  of  opinions  with 
which  she  did  not  agree.     To  this  chosen  friend 


DISTANT  FRIENDS  123 

Adele  Kamm  used  to  write  with  entire  freedom. 
In  her  letters  to  her  she  would  often  dwell  on 
the  danger  of  an  Invalids'  Union  becoming 
*  goody-goody.'  At  other  times,  in  order  to 
encourage  her  beloved  '  Lily,'  she  freely  confessed 
that  she  too  had  to  fight  through  difficult  times. 
*  Just  because  I  feel  myself  so  imperfect,'  she 
vvrote  to  her  on  the  8th  of  July  1909,  *  I  believe 
in  God  with  all  my  heart,  for  I  need  an  all- 
powerful  Being  to  forgive  me.  If  I  were  without 
this  comforting  certainty  I  should  never  have  a 
moment's  peace  !  Then  my  weakness  makes  me 
so  dependent  on  my  friends,  for  I  need  some  one 
to  set  me  an  example,  and  to  encourage  me  on  the 
uphill  journey.  And  so,  my  dear,  dear  friend, 
the  reason  I  love  you  so  much  is  that  I  know  that 
you  feel  the  same  as  I  do,  and  I  can  speak  to  you 
quite  frankly,  and  ask  you  to  help  me.  ...  If 
you  were  perfect  (or  thought  you  were  !)  I  should 
be  afraid  to  treat  you  thus,  and  your  influence 
over  me  would  be  nil !  But  your  high  courage, 
and  your  pitiful  compassion  for  all  who  suffer, 
makes  you  a  real  spiritual  help  to  me.  You  can 
have  no  idea  of  what  your  letters  and  the  books 
you  have  lent  me  have  done  for  me.     They  have 


124         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

surrounded  me  with  an  atmosphere  of  protec- 
tion, in  which  my  timidity  has  vanished  and  my 
nature  has  had  freedom  to  develop  along  lines 
of  usefulness.' 

Miss  Schlumberger  made  full  use  of  her  intel- 
lectual gifts  in  the  work  with  which  Adele  Kamm 
had  entrusted  her.  She  threw  herself  with 
enthusiasm  into  the  activities  of  the  Invalids' 
Union,  paid  visits,  wrote  letters,  and  spent  her- 
self freely  for  the  members.  *  I  am  so  happy,' 
she  told  Mr,  H.  one  day,  '  now  I  see  that  my  life 
can  still  be  useful.'  She  began  to  enjoy  life  to  the 
full,  and  at  one  time  it  almost  seemed  as  though 
she  were  cured  ;  but  the  disease  was  only  in 
abeyance.  Then  came  the  last,  long,  painful 
illness,  during  which  her  courage  never  once 
faltered.  All  her  doubts  had  melted  away,  and 
her  Christian  faith  had  become  clear  and  strong. 
A  few  days  before  she  died  she  said  to  Mr.  H.  : 
'  I  have  no  more  time  or  strength  for  intellectual 
argument.  I  have  put  my  hand  in  His,  and  I 
am  content  !  '  She  passed  away  at  Leysin  on  the 
7th  of  April  1910.  Shortly  before  the  end  she 
dictated  a  few  farewell  words  to  her  friend. 
Adelc  wrote  on  the  8th  of  April :    '  It  almost 


DISTANT  FRIENDS  125 

seemed  as  though  my  dear  friend  had  sent  me  a 
message  from  the  "  other  side  "  itself,  a  glorious 
farewell,  and  the  assurance  that  her  faith  was 
entirely  victorious.  ...  I  have  suffered  terribly 
during  this  last  month  of  her  distressing  suffering, 
but  I  am  calmer  now.  ...  I  realise  that  I  shall 
never  see  that  much-loved  handwriting  again. 
But  as  I  have  never  seen  Lily  in  the  flesh,  our 
friendship  was  already  eternal  in  its  character, 
and  she  always  seemed  to  me  an  ideal  immaterial 
being,  living  in  the  very  Presence  of  God,  so  her 
departure  does  not  hinder  our  communion.  I 
feel  her  nearness  whether  she  is  at  Leysin  or  in 
heaven.  I  shall  go  on  sharing  my  joys  and 
sorrows  with  her  in  my  mind,  just  as  I  used  to 
do.  .  .  .' 

Later  on,  however,  Adele  felt  this  loss  very 
keenly.  On  the  loth  of  October  she  wrote  thus 
to  Mrs.  H.  R.  (on  whom  she  now  lavished  a  great 
deal  of  that  passionate  affection  which  she  used  to 
give  to  Miss  Cecile  Schlumberger)  :  '  Dear  Lily  ! 
How  we  loved  each  other  !  I  do  thank  God  for 
you,  Helene,  for  I  really  believe  that  the  loss  of 
Lily  would  otherwise  have  killed  me.  I  love 
passionately  .  .  .  my   affections    are   like    yours, 


126         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

part  of  my  very  being.'  But  she  was  not  the  kind 
of  girl  to  brood  over  sorrow.  She  felt  that  a  great 
work  yet  remained  for  her  to  do.  She  knew  that 
her  days  were  numbered,  and  that  it  could  not 
be  so  very  long  before  she  would  rejoin  that  friend, 
about  whom  she  had  spoken  in  terms  which  might 
be  most  truly  applied  to  herself  : 

*  It  is  a  beautiful  and  comforting  thought  that 
the  value  of  life  lies  not  in  length  of  days,  but  in 
intensity  and  quality.' 


CHAPTER   XIV 

THE    PAVILION    FOR    OPEN-AIR   TREATMENT 

*In  pure  universal  chanty,  there  is  nothing  fitful  or  inter- 
mittent. ...  Its  springs  are  deep  and  constant,  its  rising  is 
like  that  of  a  mighty  river,  its  very  overflow  calm  and  steady, 
leaving  life  and  fertility  behind  it.' 

For  an  invalid  who,  according  to  medical  opinion, 
had  scarcely  any  right  to  be  alive  at  all,  Adele 
Kamm  did  not  exactly  suffer  from  lack  of 
occupation  !  But  the  visits  she  received  from 
morning  till  night,  the  constant  burden  of 
correspondence,  and  the  exacting  labour  of 
supervising  the  Society  of  the  *  Coccinelles,'  did 
not  satisfy  her  active  mind.  She  evolved  a  new 
scheme  for  helping  invalids  in  poorer  circum- 
stances, and  threw  all  her  energies  into  this  fresh 
form  of  service. 

She  had  been  brooding  for  some  time  over  the 
difficulties  of  their  lives.  When  she  compared 
their  lot  with  her  own,  she  felt  almost  ashamed 
of  herself.     This   mental   attitude  was  habitual 


128         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

to  her,  and  is  expressed  over  and  over  again  in  her 
letters  : 

*  I  cannot  help  thinking,'  she  wrote  to  Mrs. 
F.  G.,  'of  some  poor  sufferer  living  in  a  gloomy- 
room  in  one  of  our  large  towns  —  a  room 
with  bare  and  dingy  walls,  into  which  no  sun- 
shine ever  penetrates,  and  from  which  even 
the  sky  is  shut  out.  In  addition  to  physical 
suffering  there  may  be  anxiety  about  rent  and 
food,  and  perhaps  he  may  even  have  to  go  hungry 
if  he  cannot  go  on  working.  .  .  .  Oh  !  what 
a  sad  life  it  must  be  !  .  .  .  And  then  sometimes 
when  I  am  dwelling  on  these  thoughts,  I  get  a 
letter  from  a  person  like  that,  just  radiant  with 
faith  in  the  midst  of  distress  and  misery  .  .  . 
and  it  is  a  lesson  to  me.  I  wonder  whether  you 
will  understand  ?  .  .  .  I  often  feel  ill  at  ease  in 
my  pretty  pink  room  where  I  have  everything 
I  need,  and  a  great  deal  more  besides  ;  where 
I  am  always  being  cheered  by  the  love  of  mother 
and  sister,  and  by  the  visits  of  countless  friends  ! 
And  I  reason  with  myself  like  this  :  all  these 
mercies  seem  so  natural  to  me,  that  I  am  tempted 
to  forget  those  who  suffer  just  as  much  as  I  do, 
and  have  none  of  these  things.     I  owe  an  enor- 


PAVILION  FOR  OPEN-AIR  TREATMENT  129 

mous  debt  of  gratitude  to  God  and  to  society. 
.  .  .  How  can  I  make  any  acknowledgment  ?  My 
heart  always  gives  the  same  answer :  Accept 
humbly  every  trial  that  God  sends  you,  and  lavish 
joy  on  others  in  return  for  your  many  mercies  !  ' 

Adele  rejoiced  in  the  thought  that  she  also  had 
to  suffer  loss,  and  that  this  experience  brought  her 
into  living  touch  with  the  '  deposed,  discrowned, 
and  disinherited  '  of  the  world. 

'  You  are  like  me,'  she  wrote  to  the  same  friend  ; 
'  it  is  a  real  comfort  to  us  to  enter  in  some  measure 
into  the  life  of  the  "  common  "  people,  through 
the  experience  of  deprivation.  We  can  better 
understand  their  rebellious  feelings,  and  our 
sympathy  then  is  not  merely  a  thing  of  words 
but  of  actual  life,  for  even  the  very  poorest  can 
still  enjoy  the  fresh  air,  and  the  pleasures  of  steady 
work.  Anyhow,  I  am  sure  that  most  of  them 
live  better  than  I  do  !  I  find  that  there  is  a 
peculiar  joy  in  falling  out  of  the  ranks  of  the 
privileged  folk  !  And  now  I  do  not  envy  them 
any  more.  I  really  believe  that  there  are  many 
things  that  I  could  not  appreciate  now,  since  I 
have  tasted  the  sweetness  of  inward  joy  and  have 
lived  a  life  of  deprivation.' 
I 


130         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

Adele  Kamm  was  the  kind  of  girl  who  could 
not  help  translating  her  sympathy  into  action. 
She  set  to  work  to  think  out  the  whole  problem. 
'  Yes,'  she  pondered,  '  a  mountain  sanatorium  is 
all  very  well,  but  many  people  can  only  go  there 
for  a  short  time,  and  others  cannot  afford  it  at  all. 
Some  come  back  only  half-cured.  If  they  return 
to  their  poor,  badly  ventilated  rooms,  it  may 
undo  all  the  good  they  have  gained  from  the 
mountain  air.  Would  it  not  be  splendid  if  they 
could  have  a  sort  of  garden  in  a  sheltered  spot 
just  outside  the  town,  where  they  could  live  out 
of  doors  for  several  hours  every  day  ?  '  Adele 
kept  on  turning  over  this  idea  in  her  mind,  and 
then  an  opportunity  occurred  of  propounding 
her  scheme  to  one  of  the  medical  officers  of  the 
Anti-Tuberculosis  Dispensary  of  Geneva,  Dr.  M. 
Much  to  her  delight  she  found  that  this  specialist 
had  been  thinking  along  the  same  lines  for  some 
time  past.  He  had  even  prepared  a  tentative 
plan  for  an  Open-air  Treatment  Pavilion.  Funds, 
and  above  all  a  good  initiative,  were  all  that  were 
lacking  to  set  the  enterprise  in  motion. 

With  her  usual  enthusiasm  and  decision  Adele 
went   straight   ahead   with   the   work.     At   that 


PAVILION  FOR  OPEN-AIR  TREATMENT  131 

time  she  was  still  hesitating,  from  modesty,  about 
publishing  her  little  book,  Joyful  m  Tribulation. 
But  the  thought  that  she  could  devote  the  profits 
to  the  '  Open-air  Pavilion  Scheme  '  decided  her 
to  do  so,  and  she  waited  no  longer.  In  a  short 
time  she  was  able  (from  her  profits  as  author)  to 
subscribe  liberally  to  the  fund.  She  directed  the 
whole  campaign  from  her  bed  with  remarkable 
energy,  perseverance,  and  womanly  tact.  She 
knew  how  to  '  make  things  hum '  !  Doctors, 
clergymen,  business-men.  Members  of  Parliament, 
journalists  .  .  .  not  one  of  them  could  refuse 
her  any  favour.  They  would  do  anything  to 
please  her.  One  influential  business  man,  Mr. 
A.  R.,  took  the  matter  up  with  great  keenness, 
and  contributed  largely  to  the  success  of  the 
scheme  by  his  daily  visits  of  help  and  counsel. 

Adele  insisted  on  managing  everything  herself, 
from  the  collecting  of  money  (£^So  was  required) 
to  all  the  details  connected  with  plans,  estimates, 
organisation,  and  furnishing.  Nothing  appeared 
trifling  to  her  ;  she  ordered  comfortable  reclin- 
ing-chairs  at  the  basket-work  depot  at  Leysin 
(which  had  been  started  by  Mr.  H.),  and  had 
a  specimen  brought  into  her  room  for  approval. 


132         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

But  people  were  critical  in  Geneva,  and  a 
certain  amount  of  opposition  had  to  be  encoun- 
tered. However,  this  is  nearly  always  the  case 
when  a  good  work  is  first  launched.  Various 
objections  were  raised.  Some  people  quibbled 
over  minor  points.  '  Would  it  not  be  better  to  do 
this  or  that  ?  .  .  .  For  instance,  might  not  each 
patient  be  provided  with  a  garden  of  his  own 
where  he  could  grow  cabbages  ?  '  '  Gardening  ! 
.  .  .  Planting  vegetables ! '  wrote  Adele  Kamm 
in  great  indignation.  *  Have  they  no  idea  of  what 
such  illness  means  ?  '  There  was  a  prolonged 
controversy.  Adele  threw  herself  into  it  with  all 
the  ardour  of  her  intense  nature.  For  her  at  that 
time  the  universe  was  centred  in  that  little  strip  of 
land  where  already  in  imagination  she  could  see 
the  patients  lying  out  in  the  sunshine,  enjoying 
the  fragrant  beauty  of  the  roses.  For,  with  the 
thoughtfulness  of  a  woman,  she  wanted  them  to 
be  surrounded  by  roses. 

At  last  every  difficulty  was  overcome.  The 
government  provided  a  site  near  the  hospital,  on 
the  Pre  Jer6me,  which  had  been  presented  to 
the  municipality  of  Geneva  in  the  fourteenth 
century  by  a  wealthy  philanthropist.    The  position 


PAVILION  FOR  OPEN-AIR  TREATMENT  133 

is  good.  It  is  easily  accessible,  and  is  sheltered 
from  cold  winds.  Indeed,  it  is  almost  a  shade 
too  warm  in  the  heat  of  summer.  A  very  simple 
building  was  erected,  consisting  of  a  central 
pavilion  with  a  kitchen  and  a  room  for  the  Sister 
in  charge.  On  either  side  are  two  wings  or 
covered  balconies,  each  having  room  for  nine 
chairs,  one  hall  being  reserved  for  men  and  the 
other  for  women.  As  the  hospital  lies  behind 
them,  the  patients  have  a  fine  view  on  their  left 
of  richly  wooded  Champel  and  the  distant  outline 
of  the  Saleve  against  the  sky.  The  Pavilion  was 
formally  opened  in  June  1910.  It  was  a  very 
happy  day  for  Adele  Kamm,  though  it  seemed 
sad  that  she  could  not  be  motored  over  to  the 
Pre  Jer6me  for  the  afternoon  ! 

But  she  had  the  great  satisfaction  of  seeing  the 
work  prosper  just  as  she  desired.  It  is  under  the 
control  of  the  Anti-Tuberculosis  Association 
(which  had  already  opened  a  special  dispensary 
in  the  city).  The  patients  soon  settled  down  in 
their  new  quarters.  Indeed,  the  Pavilion  has 
become  a  kind  of  club  for  invalids  !  They  like 
it  so  much  that  they  have  asked  that  it  may  also 
be   kept   open   all   through   the   winter.     Their 


134         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

request  has  been  granted,  and  as  the  funds  are  in 
good  condition  it  has  been  possible  to  provide 
not  merely  hot  milk  (as  had  been  suggested  at 
first),  but  a  good  midday  dinner  as  well.  The 
last  report  of  the  Association  states  that  excellent 
results  have  already  been  obtained.^  '  We  sent 
nine  men  and  five  w^omen  to  the  Pavihon  for 
Open-air  Treatment,'  writes  Dr.  Cramer  of  the 
Dispensary  at  Plainpalais.  '  Thanks  to  the  fresh 
air  and  sunshine  which  they  have  been  able  to 
enjoy,  and  to  the  good  food  which  is  given  them, 
their  general  health  is  much  better,  and  we  also 
consider  that  the  condition  of  their  lungs  has 
improved.'  Dr.  H.  Mallet  of  the  '  City  of 
Geneva  '  Dispensary  is  not  less  eulogistic.  He 
quotes  authentic  examples  of  remarkably  success- 
ful cases.2 

Adele  Kamm's  idea  is  already  being  taken  up 

1  Anti-Tiiberculosis  Dispensary  of  Geneva,  Fifth  Report, 
I  St  January  to  the  31st  December  191 1. 

2  Case  S.  was  at  the  Pavilion  for  228  days  (850  hours).  During 
this  time  he  gained  21  lbs.  Case  Sor.  was  at  the  Pavilion  for  102 
days  (548  hours),  from  September  1910  to  July  191 1  5  during  this 
period  he  gained  27  lbs.  8  ozs.  A  little  girl  R.  attended  for  186 
days  (1125  hours),  and  gained  13  lbs.  3  ozs.  During  191 1  the 
number  of  patients  at  the  Pavilion  may  be  classified  as  under: 

22  men,  17  women,  i  boy,  and  9  girls. 


PAVILION  FOR  OPEN-AIR  TREATMENT  135 

in  other  places ;  many  towns  in  Switzerland,  as 
well  as  in  other  countries,  have  asked  to  see  the 
plans  for  the  Open-air  PaviHon,  that  they  may 
build  similar  institutions.  Lady  Aberdeen,  Vice- 
reine of  Ireland,  had  heard  of  the  young 
invalid  at  Geneva,  and  of  her  work.  She  called 
on  her  at  the  *  Mairie  des  Eaux-Vives,'  and  was 
delighted  with  her  charming  ways  and  natural 
manner.  On  her  return  to  Ireland  she  published 
a  detailed  account  of  her  visit,  full  of  the  warmest 
sympathy  for  Adele  Kamm  herself,  for  the 
Invalids'  Union,  and  for  the  Open-air  Pavilion 
scheme.^  Just  as  she  was  taking  leave  she  said  to 
Adele  :  '  Have  you  any  message  to  send  to  the 
working  people  and  invalids  of  Ireland  ?  '  *  Oh, 
madame,'  she  answered,  ^  tell  them  how  happy 
I  am  !  .  .  .  tell  them  that  there  is  no  joy  like  that 
of  working  for  others,  and  that  I  shall  die  rejoicing 
in  the  thought  that,  by  the  grace  of  God,  the  worst 
foe  of  mankind  can  be  swept  off  the  face  of  the 
earth  if  all  men  everywhere  will  work  together 
for  God  and  humanity.' 

'  Slainte,  The  Journal  of  the  Women  s  National  Health  Association 
of  Ireland,  edited  by  the  Countess  of  Aberdeen,  September  1910, 
pp.  165  and  following. 


136         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

The  Anti-Tuberculosis  Campaign,  to  which 
Lady  Aberdeen  has  devoted  herself  with  so 
much  energy,  was  always  in  Adele's  mind.  Her 
desire  to  help  in  this  movement  was  rendered  all 
the  more  intense  by  the  fact,  as  we  shall  see,  that 
she  did  not  believe  that  disease  was  in  the  direct 
line  of  the  Divine  Will.  Having  accepted  her 
own  affliction,  she  intended  to  do  all  that  lay  in 
her  power  to  preserve  others  from  infection.  In 
planning  for  the  Pavilion  for  Open-air  Treat- 
ment she  was  thinking  not  only  of  the  good  that 
would  accrue  to  the  patients  themselves,  but  also 
of  the  lessened  danger  for  others.  She  was  think- 
ing of  the  children  who  play  in  the  streets,  and 
often  romp  round  the  public  seats  where  poor 
consumptives  may  be  resting,  children  who  are 
just  as  healthy  as  she  was  herself  when  the  terrible 
disease  first  attacked  her. 


CHAPTER  XV 

THE    MESSAGE    TO    PRISONERS 

'  Let  your  cry  be  for  free  souls,  rather  even  than  for  free  men. 
Moral  liberty  is  the  one  vitally  important  liberty.' — Joubert. 

From  her  bed,  which  was  placed  near  the  window, 
Adele  Kamm  could  no  longer  see  what  was  going 
on  in  the  street  below,  but  she  could  still  hear 
the  roar  of  the  traffic,  and  even  this  interested 
her  deeply.  The  echo  of  the  city's  noise  and 
bustle  kept  her  in  touch  with  everyday  life,  with 
that  life  of  strain  and  activity  led  by  those  who 
must  work  hard  for  their  daily  bread.  But  all 
she  could  now  see  was  a  broad  expanse  of  sky, 
where,  as  evening  faded  into  night,  the  stars, 
those  shining  companions  of  her  sleepless  hours, 
began  to  come  out  one  by  one.  Far  away  on  the 
horizon  she  could  just  distinguish  the  irregular 
outline  of  the  Jura  Mountains,  ethereally  blue  and 
unsubstantial  in  the  misty  distance  ;  against  this 
dreamlike  background  the  massed  roofs  of  the  old 

137 


138         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

town,  overshadowed  by  the  towers  of  St.  Peter, 
stood  out  in  clear  relief ;  and,  still  nearer,  a 
silent,  compelling  presence,  was  the  prison,  a 
gloomy  building  whose  sombre  walls  were  pierced 
by  long  rows  of  narrow  slits — the  barred  windows 
of  the  convicts'  cells. 

Blue  sky  and  distant  mountains,  church  and 
prison  :  to  a  thoughtful  mind  this  view  was  most 
suggestive.  From  the  purity  of  the  sky  she  turned 
incessantly,  drawn  by  an  irresistible  fascination, 
to  contemplate  the  gloomy  gaol.  Every  evening 
at  the  same  hour  the  narrow  windows  were  lit 
up  from  within,  and  just  as  regularly  the  lights 
disappeared  at  the  hour  of  curfew.  Adele  Kamm 
lay  silently  gazing  at  these  rows  of  twinkling  lights, 
but  her  thoughts  were  busy.  And  as  she  pondered 
she  began  to  realise  that  each  ray  of  light  stood 
for  a  poor  human  life,  banished  from  sight  as 
unworthy,  and  burdened  with  the  knowledge  of  its 
guilt.  With  her  ever  active  sympathy  she  was 
constantly  trying  to  penetrate  in  spirit  into  the 
life  concealed  behind  those  sombre  walls.  '  What 
are  the  prisoners  doing  now  ?  '  she  would  wonder. 
*  What  are  they  thinking  about  ?  Their  hearts 
are   doubtless   full   of   bitterness   and   rebellion. 


THE  MESSAGE  TO  PRISONERS        139 

And  while  I  lie  here  in  the  peace  of  my  pretty 
pink  room,  surrounded  by  so  much  loving  care, 
they  are  sitting  alone  within  the  four  bare  walls 
of  their  cells.'  As  she  never  would  allow  her 
thoughts  to  degenerate  into  useless  dreams,  she 
used  to  cogitate  every  evening  over  some  way  of 
reaching  these  men.  '  How  can  I  help  them  ?  ' 
she  pondered  ;  '  they  are  as  closely  confined  as  I 
am,  and  so  very  much  more  miserable  !  How  can 
I  send  them  some  loving  message,  which  might 
even  open  the  way  to  a  new  life  for  some  of 
them  ?  ' 

In  July  1910  she  had  an  attack  of  double 
pleurisy,  and  her  bed  had  to  be  moved  away  from 
the  window.  She  could  not  see  the  lights  of  the 
prison  from  this  new  position,  but  she  knew  the 
'  lighting-up  time,'  and  her  thoughts  were  as  busy 
as  ever.  Her  breathing  was  difficult,  and  she  had 
to  remain  in  a  sitting  posture  all  night  long, 
which  made  sleep  an  impossibility.  To  fill  up 
these  long  sleepless  watches  she  began  writing  to 
the  prisoners,  for  their  condition  weighed  on  her 
mind  more  heavily  than  ever. 

*  Dear  prisoners,'  she  wrote,  '  we  who  are 
chronic  invahds  feel  that  a  strong  bond  of  sym- 


140         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

pathy  unites  us  to  you  who  are  prisoners.  It  is 
the  fact  of  this  secret  bond  which  has  made  me 
long  to  tell  you  the  thoughts  which  have  been 
gathering  in  my  mind  during  the  long  years  that 
I  have  been  shut  up  in  my  room.'  Then  she 
explained  to  the  prison-inmates  how  she  began 
to  think  about  them  when  she  saw  their  windows 
being  lit  up  every  night.  '  At  that  hour  of  the 
evening,'  she  added,  '  my  thoughts  used  to  fly 
over  the  intervening  space  and  in  through  the 
little  windows  to  the  prisoners  themselves,  whom 
I  pictured  sitting  in  their  cells  at  that  moment, 
and  my  heart  went  out  to  you,  for  I  am  sure, 
that  for  you  as  for  us,  the  hour  when  twilight 
fades  into  night  is  the  most  difficult  of  the  whole 
day,  awakening  even  sadder  and  more  poignant 
memories  than  the  dawn.' 

'  The  hour  when  for  each  soul  one  hope  there  needs  must  be. 
The  hour  when  gloomy  night  has  spread  its  veil  afar. 
When  in  its  skies  each  sad  heart  loves  to  see 
The  flashing  of  a  star.' 

'  Then  when  the  windows  receded  into  the 
night,  and  the  darkness  seemed  blacker  than  ever, 
and  in  the  sky  above  the  stars  shone  out  with 
greater  brilliance,  while  the  curtain  of  sleep  was 


THE  MESSAGE  TO  PRISONERS        141 

drawn  gently  for  a  space  around  those  suffering 
lives  .  .  .  my  thoughts  went  out  in  deep  sym- 
pathy to  all  prisoners  and  captives  and  sleepless 
sufferers.  .  .  .' 

According  to  the  principle  by  which  she  was 
invariably  guided  she  tried  to  find  out  how 
prisoners,  as  well  as  invalids,  could  be  freed  from 
that  depressing  sense  of  uselessness  and  of  ex- 
clusion from  life.  How  could  they  in  their  im- 
prisonment escape  from  spiritual  bondage  ?  By 
doing  good.  There  alone  is  true  liberty  to  be 
found,  a  freedom  which  no  man  can  lose,  for 
its  source  is  in  the  depths  of  his  inward  life. 
'  We  may  be  free  in  heart,  free  in  soul  .  .  .  yes, 
even  we  who  are  captives,  if  we  can  only  realise 
that  liberty  is  a  spiritual  thing,  and  independent 
of  outward  circumstances.  .  .  .  Liberty !  What 
is  it  ?  Surely  it  is  self-forgetfulness  with  this 
glorious  end  in  view  :  to  do  good  !  .  .  .  But  how 
can  we,  invahds  and  prisoners,  do  any  good  in  the 
world  ?  Our  lives  are  so  much  more  restricted 
than  those  of  others,  it  seems  almost  impossible 
that  we  can  be  of  any  use  !  But  then  how  are 
we  to  discover  this  priceless  treasure  of  moral 
freedom  ?     This  was  the  question  I  asked  my- 


142         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

self  five  years  ago  when  I  became  an  invalid,  and 
when  instead  of  being  able  to  work,  and  help  my 
family,  I  became  entirely  dependent  on  them  for 
everything  ;  more  dependent  even  than  you,  my 
friends,  dependent  on  others  for  every  trifling 
daily  need  ;  if  I  want  a  book,  or  a  handkerchief, 
or  a  pen,  or  something  to  eat,  it  is  all  the  same, 
my  helplessness  is  complete ;  I  depend  entirely  on 
those  who  wait  on  me.  .  .  .  Oh,  what  bitter 
tears  I  used  to  shed  over  this  at  night !  .  .  .  Yet, 
for  the  past  five  years  I  have  been  quite  happy, 
for  at  last  I  have  become  free.  So  I  think  we  may 
speak  openly  to  each  other  on  the  subject  of  that 
mysterious  liberty  which  can  exist  in  such  seem- 
ingly adverse  circumstances,  and  which  contains 
the  secret  of  real  happiness,  of  that  happiness 
which  all  men  desire,  and  which  they  seek  in  so 
many  different  directions ! 

'  I  have  discovered  this  precious  secret ;  I  found 
it  out  quite  unexpectedly.  Suffering  opened  my 
eyes  to  its  beauty,  that  blessed  suffering  without 
which  we  could  not  help  being  selfish.  Gradu- 
ally it  dawned  on  me  that  the  people  among  whom 
I  was  living  were  all  suffering  in  some  way  or  other, 
and  that  every  one  of  them  needed  love  and  sym- 


THE  MESSAGE  TO  PRISONERS       143 

pathy,  inspiration  and  cheer  !  .  .  .  When  I  made 
this  discovery  I  at  once  made  another  :  that  I 
must  ask  God  Himself  to  fill  me  with  love,  and 
to  give  me  strength  to  do  good,  to  fulfil  this 
ministry  which  seemed  so  strangely  new  to  me  ; 
for  you  know  how  very  much  easier  it  is  to  see 
other  people's  faults  than  one's  own  ! 

*  But,  after  all,  once  we  have  grasped  the  idea 
nothing  is  simpler  than  to  resolve  that,  in  a  very 
quiet  way,  we  will  try  by  personal  example  and 
by  love  to  save  some  poor  friend  of  ours  who  is 
drifting  further  and  further  away  from  good 
things.  Perhaps  he  is  sinking  daily  deeper  into 
the  misery  of  hate  and  bitterness  of  spirit,  or  into 
the  drink  habit,  or  into  an  attitude  of  settled 
and  gloomy  defiance  !  Well,  there  is  our  oppor- 
tunity !  We  may  try  to  help  him  to  face  life  with 
fresh  courage,  to  break  the  chains  of  vice ;  or  we 
may  try  to  breathe  into  him,  perhaps  very  slowly, 
a  spirit  of  patience  and  of  trust.  .  .  .  That  in 
itself  would  be  an  advance  which  would  bring  you 
great  joy.  .  .  .  Then  you  might  go  a  step  further, 
and  in  quiet,  friendly  conversation  you  might 
remind  him  that  if  he  really  and  truly  repents 
he  will  be  free  .  .  .  free  to  begin  an  altogether 


144         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

new  life  ...  a  life  of  well-doing.  .  .  .  Well- 
doing !  .  .  .  the  very  words  breathe  magical 
inspiration  ;  life  becomes  very  beautiful  when 
they  are  woven  into  its  texture.  We  ought  to 
do  good  without  any  thought  of  reward,  simply 
for  its  own  sake,  for  that  is  the  only  way  to  real 
joy  and  happiness.  Perhaps  your  efforts  to  help 
your  friend  will  be  unsuccessful ;  you  may  have  to 
persevere  for  years  before  his  heart  will  be  touched. 
Never  mind,  go  on  just  the  same,  no  effort  is  ever 
wasted ;  and  who  can  estimate  the  spiritual  value 
of  a  loving  smile,  or  an  affectionate  gesture,  given 
either  to  our  companions,  or  to  those  who  wait 
on  us,  and  who  are  often  very  tired  from  their 
monotonous  labour  !  With  such  a  purpose  in 
life  you  are  free  indeed  !  ' 

But  in  true  freedom  there  is  one  indispensable 
element,  even  for  those  who  wear  prison  garb, 
and  that  is  moral  dignity  and  self-respect.  These 
must  at  all  costs  be  preserved,  and  when  spiritual 
help  is  offered  it  must  not  be  as  from  a  superior 
height.  With  exquisite  delicacy  Adele  Kamm 
managed  to  avoid  any  appearance  of  pitying  con- 
descension in  her  letter  to  the  prisoners.  She 
came  '  alongside  '  them  in  a  very  beautiful  way ; 


THE  MESSAGE  TO  PRISONERS       145 

the  help  she  proposed  to  render  was  of  a  mutual 
character. 

*  Yes,  it  was  in  the  school  of  pain,  deprivation, 
and  loss  that  I  was  led  to  think  of  you,  my  dear 
comrades  in  suffering  ;  and  this  bond  of  sympathy 
urges  me  to  ask  you  to  remember  those  who  are 
ill,  to  pray  for  those  who  are  also  prisoners,  and 
who  need  your  sympathy  and  affection.  In  the 
morning  as  you  go  to  your  work,  please  think 
sometimes  of  us  who  can  do  nothing  with  our 
hands,  and  yet  who  long  to  work ;  and  in  the 
evening  remember  us  once  more,  in  our  pain,  for 
there  is  no  good  night's  rest  in  store  for  us.  And 
if  you  are  alone  in  your  little  room,  think  of  us 
then,  those  of  us  who  are  never  alone  for  a  minute, 
who  have  to  be  watched  and  tended  night  and 
day,  though  sometimes  we  would  love  to  have 
a  little  solitude  ;  and  if  you  are  able  to  go  out 
of  doors  even  for  a  few  moments,  think  of  us  who 
can  never  stretch  our  cramped  and  weary  limbs, 
and  can  never  get  a  breath  of  fresh  air. 

'  And  on  our  side,  as  we  look  at  the  flowers  and 
at  all  the  comforts  by  which  we  are  surrounded, 
at  the  affection  of  relatives  and  friends,  we  feel 
how  privileged  we  are,  and  we  wish  wc  could 

K 


146         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

share  these  blessings  with  you  !  So  we  must 
strengthen  each  other  ;  may  we  all  be  gallant 
soldiers  fighting  for  the  Right,  remembering  those 
words  which  have  so  often  comforted  me  and 
many  others  too  : 

"  Where  God  has  planted  us,  there  must  wc  learn  to  bloom."  ' 

When  the  letter  was  written  there  arose  the 
difficulty  of  getting  it  sent  to  its  destination. 
This  was  not  quite  so  easy  as  Adele  Kamm,  in  the 
simplicity  of  her  heart,  had  imagined.  She  had 
to  correspond  with  various  officials.  The  Prison 
Board  met  her  request  very  coldly,  saying  that 
they  '  supposed  that  she  alone  considered  herself 
fit  to  look  after  the  prisoners'  moral  welfare  !  ' 
Still,  though  the  letter  was  marked  '  unfavour- 
able '  it  was  sent  in  due  form  to  the  Home  Office. 
'  My  intimate  message,'  wrote  Adele  to  a  friend, 
*  where  I  poured  out  my  heart  in  a  most  artless 
fashion,  is  being  bandied  about  from  one  official 
to  another  in  the  Home  Office. 

*  Ugh  !  It  gives  me  cold  shivers  all  down  my 
back  to  think  of  it  !  ' 

She  had  no  hope  that  her  request  would  be 
granted,  and  was  deeply  distressed  in  consequence. 


THE  MESSAGE  TO  PRISONERS        147 

When  a  long  yellow  official  envelope  arrived  she 
would  not  open  it  at  first.  Greatly  to  her  sur- 
prise, however,  the  answer  was  favourable,  and  a 
small  number  of  copies  of  the  '  Message  to 
Prisoners '  was  printed  and  sent  to  the  prison  to 
be  distributed  in  the  cells. 

Did  these  simple,  touching  words,  the  natural 
overflow  of  a  loving,  compassionate  heart,  ever 
reach  some  of  these  hardened  lives  ?  We  cannot 
tell.  We  would  like  to  think  they  did.  At  any 
rate  Adele  Kamm  herself  was  much  comforted 
by  this  act  of  love  and  of  faith  in  the  power  of 
goodness.  She  had  just  been  passing  through  a 
particularly  trying  time.  On  the  25th  of  August 
she  wrote  thus  to  Mr.  T.  F.  :  *  I  must  tell  you 
that  though  this  year  has  brought  me  great  joy, 
it  has  also  been  full  of  outward  and  inward  trials. 
The  lack  of  fresh  air,  the  nervous  strain  caused 
by  such  close  confinement,  the  effort  to  drive 
away  boredom  become  more  intensely  difficult 
to  bear  as  time  goes  on.  Then,  since  May  I  have 
not  known  a  day's  relief  from  pain,  to  give  me  a 
chance  of  pulling  myself  together,  and  of  gathering 
up  fresh  courage. 

*  Sometimes,  I  must  confess,  I  have  even  given 


148         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

way  to  tears,  a  thing  I  very  rarely  do ;  but  it  has 
distressed  me  deeply  to  find  that  I  am  so  depend- 
ent on  my  body.  I  have  grown  so  terribly  sensi- 
tive to  noise,  and  things  I  used  to  bear  quite 
cheerfully  I  find  heavy  and  difficult.  I  have  to 
struggle  very  hard  to  keep  my  head  above  water 
at  all !  Oh,  what  weak  creatures  we  are  !  and 
how  frail  I  am  !  This  summer's  experience  has 
at  least  taught  me  that.  But,  after  all,  I  am  not 
surprised  that  God  has  permitted  it ;  it  is  quite 
natural  that  He  should  test  the  faith  of  His 
children  by  laying  upon  them  heavier  trials  as 
time  goes  on.  And  even  if  I  have  sometimes 
failed  in  temper  (which  I  bitterly  regret),  there 
has  been  a  deep  undercurrent  of  joy  all  the  time 
in  the  sense  that  my  will  is  in  complete  harmony 
with  the  will  of  God,  and  this  peace  is  so  beautiful 
and  rich  that  no  trouble  or  pain  can  disturb  its 
serenity. 

'  How  I  did  long  for  heaven  in  the  days  that 
followed  my  attack  of  pleurisy  !  I  had  to  force 
myself  to  wish  to  live,  like  a  faithful  soldier  who 
will  not  desert  his  post.  But  there  was  one  thing 
which  helped  me  very  much,  and  that  was  writing 
a  letter  to  prisoners ;    I  did  it  during  the  nights 


THE  MESSAGE  TO  PRISONERS        149 

when  I  was  so  ill  that  I  had  to  sit  up  in  order  to 
breathe.  During  that  time  of  acute  suffering  my 
heart  went  out  in  deeper  sympathy  than  ever 
towards  those  who  suffer,  or  who  are  shut  out 
from  active  life  (although  I  know  that  prisoners 
deserve  it) ;  and  it  was  such  a  joy  to  me  to  write 
this  message,  and  to  find  out  how  much  we  had 
in  common,  for  I  believe  that  in  all  probability 
we  deserve  our  confinement  just  as  much  as  they 
do  !  In  spite  of  all  the  spiritual  vision  which 
has  been  granted  me,  and  all  the  love  that  has 
been  lavished  upon  me,  I  have  stumbled  badly 
lately,  and  am  very  much  ashamed  of  certain 
words  and  movements  of  impatience.  So  I  am 
sure  you  will  understand  how  much  it  helped  me 
to  write  down  just  what  I  felt,  quite  simply,  and 
without  any  effort  after  literary  style,  for  I  was 
too  ill  to  think  of  such  things.  I  found  that  the 
attempt  brought  me  wonderfully  near  to  Christ, 
for  I  drew  all  my  inspiration  from  Him. 

'  While  I  am  on  this  subject  I  must  tell 
you  something  that  interests  me  tremendously. 
During  these  last  few  months  I  have  been  in 
constant  communion  with  God,  receiving  from 
Him  all  the  strength  and  wisdom  I  need  for  my 


150         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

work  .  .  .  but  I  had  insensibly  drifted  away 
from  Christ.  That  did  not,  however,  disturb 
me  at  all,  for  I  remembered  the  words,  "  I  and 
the  Father  are  One."  Then  it  seemed  as  though 
a  veil  were  being  drawn  around  my  spirit,  dimming 
the  spiritual  brightness  in  which  I  lived.  I  found 
that  I  had  lost  something  of  the  sweetness  of 
inward  peace,  something  of  the  luminous  radiance 
of  vision  which  I  used  to  possess,  and  I  vaguely 
wondered  why  it  was !  But  when  I  was  writing 
the  letter  to  the  prisoners,  which,  as  I  told  you, 
brought  me  into  such  close  touch  with  Christ,^ 
I  was  astonished  to  find  that  everything  grew 
bright  again.  The  mists  were  dispelled,  and  now 
I  am  once  more  on  the  mountain-top,  daily 
rejoicing  in  the  clear  sunshine  of  His  Love  and 
Peace.  So  I  have  discovered  that  the  blessings 
and  influence  which  flow  from  God  and  from 
Christ  are  different  in  character,  and  that  we 
need  to  pray  to  both  sides  of  God,  if  I  may  put 
it  so,  if  our  spiritual  hunger  is  to  be  satisfied.     I 

'  In  her  little  book  Adcle  Kamin  had  found  it  necessary  to 
appeal  to  the  influence  of  Jesus  Christ.  Among  other  things  she 
said:  'You  will  tell  him  (your  prodigal  friend)  that  God  loves  His 
children,  and  that  our  Saviour  came  to  seek  those  who  are  wander- 
ing, and  who  want  to  find  the  Way.' 


THE  MESSAGE  TO  PRISONERS        151 

am  glad  to  have  made  this  discovery  for  myself, 
for  I  like  to  found  my  faith  on  actual  experience 
rather  than  on  any  kind  of  dogma.' 

Adele  Kamm  wrote  another  letter  on  the  same 
subject  to  one  of  her  most  intimate  friends,  who 
was  also  a  great  sufferer,  and,  like  Adele,  had 
gained  her  own  experience.  She  responded  in 
one  of  those  rare  letters,  '  which  transcend  the 
usual  order  of  things,  and  fill  the  heart  with  new 
hope  and  courage.' 

'  You  do  not  know  how  much  you  have  helped 
me,'  wrote  Adele  Kamm  in  reply,  *  and,  dearest, 
I  knew  very  well  that  your  spiritual  life  centred 
in  God  rather  than  in  Christ  before  you  told  me 
so.  It  is  this  inward  attitude  of  yours  which 
makes  me  love  you  better  than  others,  and  I  used 
to  have  the  same  feeling  about  Lily  Schlumberger ; 
whereas,  in  spite  of  everything,  I  do  not  feel  the 
same  sense  of  fellowship  with  those  who  see 
Christ  only,  and  who  so  easily  become  narrow- 
minded.  However,  it  is  good  for  us  to  come  into 
contact  with  them,  for  they  supply  what  we  lack. 
I  have  learnt  much  from  them  during  the  last 
few  years,  and  I  am  trying  to  overcome  my  inward 
shrinking  from  their  habits  of  expression.     I  am 


152         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

deeply  conscious  of  the  fact  that  I  should  never 
have  had  the  courage  to  write  my  little  book, 
or  to  believe  as  firmly  as  I  do,  apart  from  their 
influence. 

'  I  wonder  whether  you  understand  what  I 
mean  ?  Perhaps  I  express  myself  too  strongly, 
but  I  am  sure  that  you  speak  just  as  hotly  about 
some  of  Mrs.  Prentiss's  books !  I  am  so  delighted 
to  see  that  you  feel  exactly  as  I  do  on  this  subject. 
We  understand  each  other  absolutely,  and  so  we 
are  united  in  a  holy  fellowship.  I  think  that  one 
great  advantage  of  the  Union  is  that  it  teaches 
us  to  appreciate  so  many  different  minds,  and  to 
gain  from  each  what  we  ourselves  lack.  I  think 
that  if  we,  on  our  side,  need  to  make  more  of 
Christ,  others  may  learn  from  us  to  see  God  more 
clearly,  and  so  their  faith  will  become  more 
robust  as  they  see  more  of  God  our  Saviour,  the 
Father  of  all  mankind,  not  merely  of  a  little  band 
of  believers.' 

In  this  letter  we  catch  the  distinctive  accent  of 
Adele  Kamm's  Christian  faith.  She  had  not  been 
brought  up  in  the  Revivalist  school.  Certainly 
she  had  a  deep  sense  of  sin,  which  led  her  to 
regard  as  serious  the  trifling  faults  of  her  child- 


THE  MESSAGE  TO  PRISONERS        153 

hood,  or  those  outbursts  of  temper  and  nervous 
irritation  from  which  all  invalids  suffer  at  times. 
But  the  thought  of  individual  salvation  did  not 
interest  her  particularly.  If  she  made  much  of 
the  Cross,  it  was  because,  as  we  shall  see,  she 
sought  in  it  the  explanation  of  her  own  suffering. 
The  joy  and  strength  of  her  life  lay  in  the  fact 
that  she  was  always  in  intimate  communion  with 
God. 


CHAPTER   XVI 

THE    PRIVILEGE    OF   SUFFERING 

'Redemption  is  the  raising  up  of  man  from  the  evil  condi- 
tion in  which  he  feels  sacrifice  as  pain,  into  a  condition  in 
which  it  is  felt  as  joy,  a  condition  of  true  and  perfect  life.' — 

J.  HiNTON. 

'  I  have  had  a  happy  hfe  !  '  said  Adele  Kamm  to 
me  one  day.  The  remark  struck  me  almost  dumb 
with  astonishment.  I  could  not  help  contrasting 
this  gallant  spirit  with  that  of  so  many  healthy 
people  who  are  incessantly  grumbling,  though 
they  appear  to  have  everything  that  life  can  offer  ; 
and  I  must  honestly  confess,  and  that  not  without 
shame,  that  I  thought  upon  my  own  moods  of 
depression,  and  then  gazed  in  mute  wonder  at  this 
contented  invalid  who  so  thoroughly  enjoyed 
life  !  '  Such  a  happy  life  !  '  I  repeated  to  myself. 
'  Does  she  really  mean  it,  or  is  it  merely  bra- 
vado ?  '  But  I  saw  that  it  was  no  brave  pretence, 
for  she  said  it  so  naturally  and  merrily ;   and  her 


THE  PRIVILEGE  OF  SUFFERING      155 

dark  eyes  were  dancing   with   an  expression  of 
gaiety  almost  like  that  of  a  happy  child  ! 

Adele  Kamm  regarded  her  illness  as  a  privilege.^ 
She  was  never  tired  of  emphasising  this  view  in 
her  writings  and  in  her  conversation,  with  an 
unmistakable  accent  of  sincerity.  She  declared 
that  the  whole  structure  of  her  faith  was  based 
upon  this  conviction.  '  Happiness  is  more  pre- 
cious,' she  said,2  *  when  it  has  been  mingled 
with  anguish  ;  the  profoundest  peace  comes  after 
storm  ;  the  light  breaks  out  more  radiantly  from 
behind  dark  clouds.  God  gives  special  grace  to 
those  who  pass  through  deep  waters.  .  .  .  Do 
we  not  find  that  the  darkest  experiences  of  our 
lives  force  us,  by  their  very  poignancy,  to  throw 
ourselves  upon  the  Everlasting  Mercy  ?  .  .  . 
Trouble  alone  brings  out  the  strength  and  quality 
of  our  faith,  whereas  happiness  often  has  the 
opposite  effect.  Pain  is  the  supreme  touchstone  ; 
we  need  renewing  not  merely  on  the  surface  of  our 
lives,  but  in  the  depths  of  our  being,  and  that  is 
why  suffering  is  inevitable.  .  .  .  Such  pain  becomes 

^  This  thought  of  the  privilege  of  suffering  is  found  in  St. 
Teresa's  writings,  CEwvres  Mystiques,  vol.  iii.,  T/ie  fVaj  of  Perfec- 
tion, pp.  20 1  and  following. 

2  Joyful  in  Tribulation,  pp.  22  and  i'ollowing. 


156         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

a  privilege  when  it  leads  us  into  the  great  fellow- 
ship of  suffering ;  indeed,  the  wider  outlook  which 
opens  up  before  us  transforms  our  sorrow  into  a 
sublime  form  of  joy.' 

From  the  very  beginning  of  her  illness  she 
looked  upon  herself  as  one  who  was  specially 
honoured.  When  she  left  Leysin  she  wrote  thus 
to  Mr.  H.  : 

'  It  is  so  good  to  think  that  it  is  not  we  who 
choose  our  ministry,  but  that  God  leads  us  into  it 
by  a  long  chain  of  unforeseen  events.  I  am  so 
glad  and  thankful  that  God  Himself  sustains  me 
in  the  restricted  circumstances  of  my  life,  and 
I  love  to  feel  that  He  has  chosen  my  place  of 
communion  with  Him,  and  my  sphere  of  service 
too,  for  otherwise  I  should  be  too  weak  to  be  of 
any  use  at  all !  I  must  confess  that  even  though 
I  have  been  shown  that  God  does  use  my  life  for 
Him  under  present  conditions,  I  should  want  to 
run  away  and  hide  myself  from  everybody  if  ever 
I  got  back  the  use  of  my  legs  !  God  knows  my 
temperament,  and  that  is  why  He  has  given  me 
a  life  of  happiness,  which  I  enjoy  to  the  fill, 
although  I  suffer  at  the  same  time,  as  I  feel  my- 
self blessed  in  comparison  with  the  thousands  of 


THE  PRIVILEGE  OF  SUFFERING      157 

people  who  are  not  happy  !  ^  Oh,  it  is  good  to 
be  alive  !  even  at  Leysin  and  shut  up  in  one  room, 
when  there  is  perfect  harmony  between  one's 
work  and  one's  conscience,  between  one's  soul 
and  God.  This  inward  harmony  is  the  secret  of 
pure  joy ;  but  I  find  it  so  difficult  to  explain  this 
to  most  of  my  visitors.  I  spent  over  an  hour 
yesterday  discussing  the  point  with  a  lady  who 
could  not  understand  that  I  could  be  happier 
now  that  I  am  ill  than  I  ever  used  to  be  when 
I  was  well.' 

At  every  step  of  the  way  Adele  Kamm  felt  that 
an  unseen  Hand  was  leading  her  along  the  right 
path.  Every  attack  of  illness  which  increased 
her  suffering  only  served  to  intensify  her  joy. 
The  awful  pain  which  tortured  her  body  was 
turned  into  glorious  blessing.  She  counted  it 
a  light  thing  compared  with  '  the  many  years  of 
perfect  happiness  which  she  had  spent  in  her 
pretty  pink  room  ! '  When  she  thought  of  all 
those  who  suffer  without  these  alleviations,  of  those 
*  unknown  heroes  labouring  ceaselessly  for  the 
cause  of  God  in  the  solitude  of  unhealthy  regions, 
and    surrounded    by    the    hatred    of    suspicious 

1  The  italics  are  the  author's. 


158         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

savages,'  ^  she  longed  to  deny  herself  some  little 
pleasure,  and  it  was  a  real  comfort  to  her  to  suffer 
pain,  because  then  she  felt  that  '  the  balance  was 
even  again.'  But  at  the  same  time  she  enjoyed 
every  moment  of  respite  from  pain.  At  one  time 
the  neck  vertebrae  were  so  badly  diseased  that 
they  pierced  the  alimentary  canal.  To  relieve 
her  Dr.  V.  tried  putting  an  ice-bag  on  the  nape  of 
her  neck.  She  wrote  on  the  12th  of  July  to  her 
friend  Mrs.  R. :  '  So  I  am  resting  on  my  little  ice- 
pillow,  and  it  is  such  a  relief  that  I  am  sure  you 
will  be  glad  to  hear  about  it  too  .  .  .  the  pain 
was  simply  terrible  before.  And  then  it  is  a 
comfort  to  mother  and  Dr.  V.  that  the  pain  is 
at  least  bearable  now  that  I  have  the  ice.  Oh, 
if  you  only  knew  how  happy  I  am  !  I  feel  a  new 
and  deeper  sense  of  freedom  and  joy  and  gratitude ; 
above  all  I  am  so  thankful  for  this  illness  which 
has  taught  me  the  secret  of  real  deep  happiness  ! 
And  I  can  say  with  conviction  that  through  this 
trial  my  life  has  been  the  happiest  I  know  of,  and 
1  would,  not  change  it  now  for  any  other,  so  wonder- 
fully have  I  been  blessed.^  ^ 

*  Letter  to  Miss  Schlumberger,  loth  October  1909. 
2  The  italics  are  the  author's. 


THE  PRIVILEGE  OF  SUFFERING      159 

She  wrote  on  the  same  topic  to  another  corres- 
pondent :  '  I  have  at  last  learnt  to  love  my  illness. 
...  It  does  not  seem  an  enemy  any  longer,  but 
rather  an  inseparable  companion,  who  teaches  me 
many  precious  lessons  by  the  way.'  Surely  no 
one  ever  carried  the  art  of  being  an  invalid  to  such 
perfection !  But  then  no  one  was  ever  more 
determined  than  she  that  illness  should  not  make 
her  life  either  useless  or  unhappy.  Although 
she  had  learnt  to  love  her  affliction  for  the  sake  of 
all  the  good  she  gained  from  it,  yet  at  the  same 
time  she  fought  against  it  with  all  her  might,  and 
would  not  allow  it  to  subdue  her  spirit.  Long 
ago  she  had  determined  its  limits  :  '  You  may 
destroy  my  body  bit  by  bit,'  she  said,  '  and,  even- 
tually, you  may  kill  me,  but  in  the  meantime  you 
shall  not  prevent  me  from  living !  '  Life  means 
work,  and  in  action  she  renewed  her  strength.  We 
have  seen  that  she  was  constantly  impressing  this 
truth  upon  other  invalids ;  she  did  so  because 
she  had  proved  the  value  of  this  principle  in  her 
own  life. 

We  who  are  strong  and  healthy  can  have  no  idea 
of  what  it  costs  those  who  are  physically  weak  to 
put  forth  the  will-power  needed  to  keep  them  in 


i6o         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

touch  with  ordinary  Hfe.  It  involves  a  conscious 
effort  which  must  be  renewed  day  by  day.  After 
the  consultation  at  which  the  doctors  decided 
that  she  must  not  be  moved  from  her  room  under 
any  circumstances,  not  even  on  to  the  balcony,  she 
suffered  much  from  the  lack  of  that  fresh  air  so 
necessary  for  her  diseased  lungs.  It  distressed 
her  still  more  that  she  could  no  longer  see  the 
unknown  passers-by  in  the  street  below,  and 
she  felt  that  the  time  had  come  for  her  to  re- 
double her  efforts  to  maintain  her  intellectual 
and  spiritual  vigour.  On  the  i8th  of  February 
1910  she  wrote  thus  to  Mrs.  H.  R.  : 

*  I  feel  that  there  is  real  danger  in  living  entirely 
in  one  room  ;  I  mean  the  danger  of  becoming 
warped  and  narrow  in  outlook,  and  of  losing  our 
sense  of  proportion,  which  is  sure  to  lead  us  into 
some  error  or  another,  and  ultimately  to  an  arti- 
ficial view  of  life.  For  some  years  I  did  not  feel 
this  so  much,  because  the  memories  of  ordinary 
life  were  still  sufficiently  vivid  to  keep  my  outlook 
healthy  and  normal.  But  that  is  now  no  longer 
the  case — those  memories  have  become  confused 
in  my  mind,  and  I  only  live  on  the  recollections 
of  my  abnormal  invalid  life.     I  suppose  I  must 


THE  PRIVILEGE  OF  SUFFERING      i6i 

try  to  make  up  for  this  lack  of  experience  hy  will- 
power, and  I  might  even  add  hy  the  use  of 
common  sense  and  intelligence.  It  is  only  by 
seeing  all  sorts  of  people,  and  hearing  all  kinds  of 
opinions,  that  I  can  in  any  way  keep  in  touch 
with  ordinary  life,  and  prevent  my  faculties 
from  becoming  either  warped  or  stunted.  That 
is  why  I  try  to  take  a  keen  interest  in  all  sorts  of 
things,  even  in  balls,  and  sport,  and  fashions  ! 
I  am  trying  to  fight  against  the  weakness  which 
might  make  me  lazy ;  and  if  I  am  stronger  in 
the  spring  I  mean  to  begin  learning  Esperanto. 
So  you  see  that  I  am  doing  all  I  can  not  to  rust 
out!' 

In  the  sentences  just  quoted  we  see  quite 
plainly  that  Adele  Kamm  was  endowed  with 
plenty  of  good  common  sense.  She  was  a  Jille 
(Tescient,  as  Philip  Monnier  would  have  put  it. 
She  knew  from  experience  that  '  invalids  are  often 
tempted  for  various  reasons  to  lower  their  ideals : 
by  the  long  years  of  seclusion,  by  all  kinds  of  diffi- 
culties arising  out  of  their  helpless  condition,  or, 
on  the  other  hand,  by  the  unwise  indulgence  of 
those  around  them,  but  chiefly  by  that  state  of 
mental  stagnation  which  leads  them  to  be  entirely 

L 


i62         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

absorbed  in  their  physical  condition,  and  to  forget 
that  they  too  have  a  duty  to  fulfil  in  the  world.' 
At  all  costs  invalids  must  learn  to  maintain  their 
sense  of  proportion,  '  knowing  that  the  body 
must  be  properly  cared  for,  for  it  is  not  right  to 
ignore  it;  and  also  reaHsing  that  life  has  no 
meaning  unless  it  is  used  in  the  service  of  others, 
and  that  the  example  of  our  invalid  life  ought  to 
be  the  means  of  bringing  numbers  of  sufferers 
who  have  lost  the  freshness  of  their  early  ideals 
to  a  saner  view  of  life.' 

Adele  Kamm  never  allowed  illness  to  rob  her 
of  her  youthful  charm.  She  was  the  most  attrac- 
tive invalid  I  ever  saw.  I  shall  never  forget  my 
first  visit  to  her.  I  was  ushered  into  a  room 
flooded  with  bright  spring  sunshine,  where  she  lay 
in  bed,  for  she  had  not  been  able  to  get  up  for  a 
long  time.  Above  her  head  a  little  canopy  of  some 
diaphanous  material  softened  the  effect  of  the 
light,  and  showed  up  her  pale  complexion.  She 
was  very  prettily  dressed.  A  pale  pink  shawl  was 
thrown  carelessly  round  her  shoulders.  She  loved 
rose-colour,  and  liked  to  see  her  room  gay  with  it. 
She  once  gave  this  delightful  piece  of  advice  to 
her  comrades  in  suffering  :    '  Make  your  rooms 


THE  PRIVILEGE  OF  SUFFERING      163 

as  attractive  as  possible,  and  turn  out  everything 
that  even  suggests  illness.'  She  certainly  carried 
it  out  herself  ;  her  brave  spirit  saw  its  necessity 
both  for  her  own  sake,  and  that  of  her  family,  as 
well  as  for  the  visitors  to  whom  she  was  always 
ready  to  give  a  cordial  welcome. 

In  my  own  case  this  pleasant  reception  put  me 
at  my  ease  at  once,  and  I  was  much  surprised  to 
see  nothing  of  a  painful  nature.  And  as  she  talked, 
sometimes  with  a  childlike  expression  of  happiness, 
and  again,  when  the  subject  lay  very  close  to  her 
heart,  with  an  almost  feverish  intensity,  I  was 
struck  by  her  beautiful  white  hands,  whose 
delicately  graceful  movements  reminded  me  of 
the  lovely  saints  in  Memling's  pictures. 

Her  room  overflowed  with  happiness  ;  we  used 
to  realise  this  fact  when  we  had  to  take  our  leave, 
for  we  left  it  regretfully.  The  young  sufferer  was 
a  radiant  influence  for  good.  No  one  could 
come  into  contact  with  her  without  being  im- 
pressed by  her  joyful  serenity.  As  one  of  her 
friends  said  to  me  :  '  She  always  draws  the  best 
out  of  every  one  who  comes  into  touch  with  her.' 
On  the  threshold  of  that  charming  room,  always 
as  gay  with  flowers  as  though  its  occupant  were 


i64         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

on  the  eve  of  a  festival,  every  visitor  laid  down 
the  burden  of  sordid  care  or  of  ignoble  feeling. 
She  could  only  see  the  good  in  those  who  came 
to  her.  Believing  implicitly  in  their  goodness 
she  made  people  long  to  be  worthy  of  her  opinion. 
From  all  quarters  a  constant  tide  of  sympathy 
flowed  into  her  quiet  chamber.  No  one  could 
help  loving  her  ;  she  was  so  appealing  in  her 
purity  and  innocence.  Such  a  beautiful  expres- 
sion of  simple  goodness  shone  in  those  steadfast 
eyes,  which  had  never  beheld  the  world's  sore 
evil.  Unsullied  as  a  vestal  virgin  she  had  been  set 
apart  by  pain,  far  from  all  that  was  low,  degrading, 
or  mean.  She  was  shut  out  also  from  the  dusty 
tumult  of  life's  battle,  and  through  this  separation 
she  had  indeed  won  the  highest  victory  :  she  had 
transformed  her  suffering  into  a  glorious  privilege. 


CHAPTER  XVII 

DARK    HOURS 

*  We  cannot  kindle  when  we  will 

The  fire  which  in  the  heart  resides  ; 
The  spirit  bloweth  and  is  still, 
In  mystery  our  soul  abides. 

But  tasks  in  hours  of  insight  wlll'd 

Can  be  through  hours  of  gloom  fulfilTd.' 

M.  Arnold. 

In  the  spiritual  realm  there  is  no  such  thing  as 
absolute  and  conclusive  victory.  We  must  not 
imagine  that  xA.dele  Kamm  spent  her  latter  years 
in  undisturbed  tranquillity  and  peace.  Like  an 
Alpine  climber,  who  before  he  can  reach  the 
topmost  peak  must  make  his  toilsome  way  along 
the  edge  of  a  precipice,  she  had  to  strain  every 
nerve  in  order  to  keep  her  footing.  It  is  not 
surprising  to  learn  that  she  had  to  fight  many 
a  hard  and  lonely  conflict,  and  though  she  nearly 
always  managed  to  meet  her  visitors  with  a  smile, 
yet  when  night  came,  and  she  was  alone,  the 
almost    intolerable    suffering    would    sometimes 


i66         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

wring  from  her  bitter  tears.  Either  from  stoicism 
or  pride  she  would  hide  this  feeling  from  those 
whom  she  did  not  know  well ;  and  she  never 
spoke  of  it  to  those  who  depended  on  her  brave 
example  for  inspiration.  But  if  she  knew  that 
any  of  her  correspondents  were  ready  to  faint 
under  a  heavy  and  well-nigh  unbearable  burden 
of  suffering,  she  would  then  unveil  her  own  pain 
and  her  own  weakness,  as  though  she  would  say, 
'  Do  you  suppose  that  life  is  a  bed  of  roses  to 
me  ?  '  She  would  never  allow  her  triumphant 
faith  to  be  a  source  of  discouragement  to  weaker 
souls. 

She  did  not  attempt,  however,  to  conceal  her 
feelings  from  the  little  circle  of  intimate  friends 
to  whom  she  was  bound  by  every  tie  of  fellowship 
in  thought  and  feeling  and  in  the  experience  of 
suffering.  On  the  9th  of  November  1909  she 
wrote  thus  to  Miss  Schlumberger  : 

'  .  .  .  O  Lily,  you  do  not  know  how  your 
sweet  words  have  helped  me !  Then  the 
"  Coccinelles  "  help  me  too  ;  and  the  intense 
love  that  I  feel  for  my  own  dear  ones,  for  my 
friends,  and  for  all  the  poor  hungry  souls  who 
crave  for  affection,   all  this   makes   me  struggle 


DARK  HOURS  167 

with  all  my  might  to  live  a  little  longer  if  possible. 
But  I  am  sorry  to  say  that  only  yesterday  selfish- 
ness, ugly,  horrid  selfishness,  got  the  upper  hand, 
and  I  was  very  unhappy  in  consequence.  I  had 
had  three  consecutive  attacks,  and  such  bad  ones 
that  it  was  impossible  either  to  sleep  or  eat,  and 
I  felt  so  utterly  spent  and  weary  that  yesterday 
afternoon,  about  four  o'clock,  I  did  something 
I  have  scarcely  ever  done  before — I  asked  them 
to  turn  on  my  little  electric  lamp,  and  to  leave 
me  alone,  alone  with  my  pain  and  with  God. 

'  Shortly  afterwards  the  doctor  came,  and  he 
was  terribly  distressed  to  see  me  in  such  suffering. 
I  would  like  to  have  sent  him  away  too  ;  and  per- 
haps it  would  have  been  the  best  thing  to  do. 
He  was  so  concerned  and  grieved  that  he  could 
not  relieve  the  pain,  and  so  after  he  had  chatted 
for  a  while  about  his  little  girls,  and  had  promised 
that  they  should  come  and  see  me  soon,  he  sat  by 
me  for  some  time  in  silence.  At  last  he  got  up, 
took  my  hand,  and  just  said,  "  My  poor  child  !  " 
Then,  unable  to  control  myself  any  longer,  I 
burst  out :  "  O  doctor !  how  long  can  I  go  on 
living  in  this  pain  ?  I  cannot  bear  any  more  !  " 
"  I  don't  know,"  he  answered,  and  went  away. 


1 68         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

Oh  !  how  his  sympathy  did  comfort  me,  but  I 
felt  so  vexed  with  myself,  for  I  had  distressed  him, 
my  good,  kind  friend,  and  I  was  also  grieved  that 
he  should  carry  away  such  a  poor  impression  of 
my  faith  and  joy  in  suffering  ;  though,  after  all, 
I  was  not  feeling  rebellious,  but  only  longing  to 
go  home.' 

Adele  soon  noticed  how  much  it  tried  her 
mother  and  sister  to  see  her  in  this  state  of 
depression  and  weariness  and  pain. 

*  At  last,  when  they  had  all  gone  to  bed,'  she 
added,  '  I  was  very  miserable,  for  by  my  selfishness 
I  had  succeeded  in  making  every  one  around  me 
unhappy,  and  myself  into  the  bargain.  I  re- 
minded myself  of  all  the  confusion  that  my  death 
would  cause,  and  what  I  still  could  do  to  make 
my  dear  ones  happy ;  and  then  I  began  to  pray 
very  earnestly  for  strength  to  go  on  fighting,  and 
to  conquer  my  selfishness,  so  that  I  might  again 
be  able  to  give  out  joy,  instead  of  making  every 
one  around  me  miserable.  My  prayer  was 
answered,  and  towards  morning  I  was  able  to  sleep, 
and  to-day  I  seem  to  have  taken  a  turn  for  the 
better.  I  feel  much  braver,  and  have  even  been 
able  to  take  some  food. 


DARK  HOURS  169 

'  This  evening  I  feel  quite  set  up  by  the  brief 
respite,  and  I  am  taking  advantage  of  it  to  have 
a  chat  with  you,  darhng,  for  I  cannot  tell  whether 
the  lull  will  be  long  or  short.  If  you  only  knew, 
Lily,  how  strange  it  seems  to  me  to  have  to 
struggle  to  live,  when  all  the  time  I  feel  an  irre- 
sistible longing  to  be  with  Jesus  Christ.  From 
month  to  month  He  becomes  more  wonderfully 
attractive  to  me,  His  Light  seems  more  radiant, 
His  words  more  living  and  deeper  in  meaning, 
and  I  feel  so  trustful,  so  happy,  so  joyful,  that 
it  is  with  real  difficulty  that  I  make  myself  stay 
here  when  I  want  to  fly  away,  to  throw  off  the 
burden  of  this  suffering  body,  and  to  penetrate 
into  that  mysterious  Beyond,  to  enter  fully  into 
the  wonder  of  that  intense  Divine  Love  !  Still, 
I  am  a  very  ordinary  little  mortal,  and  it  has  been 
my  habit  ever  since  I  was  a  child  to  put  duty 
before  inclination,  and  this  view  of  things  helps 
me  more  than  I  can  say  at  this  critical  moment. 
Duty  first !  Those  are  my  orders  I  and  I  must 
stick  to  my  post  and  not  neglect  anything  for  that ; 
I  believe  that  I  can  live  for  a  good  while  longer 
if  only  I  am  brave,  but  I  do  need  a  stimulus,  and 
the  "  Coccinelles  "  supply  just  the  kind  I  want.' 


I70         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

Adele  Kamm  lived  in  constant  communion  with 
God,  but  like  all  the  mystics — for  she  was  a  mystic, 
though  she  did  not  realise  it  herself — she  had  her 
moments  of  weakness  and  even  of  rebellion.  She 
used  to  distinguish  three  distinct  phases  in  her 
spiritual  state  :  the  anguish  of  rebellion,  the 
intermediate  state  of  passive  submission,  free 
from  all  bitterness,  and  then  '  the  blessed  experi- 
ence of  willing  and  joyful  surrender  which  floods 
the  soul  with  such  pure  and  beautiful  spiritual 
joys  that  trial,  in  these  circumstances,  becomes 
a  source  of  profound  blessing  and  happiness.' 
On  the  23rd  of  February  19 10,  in  a  message  to  the 
'  Coccinelles,'  she  confessed  that  she  had  had  *  a 
terrible  fall,  and  a  most  unexpected  one,'  from 
entire  tranquillity  to  rebeUion,  without  stopping 
at  the  intermediate  phase  of  passive  submission. 
However,  even  in  that  which  she  calls  rebellion, 
her  love  to  her  neighbour  is  still  the  prevailing 
sentiment  : 

'  .  .  .  Conflicts  and  tears  have  again  been  my 
portion,'  she  wrote,  *  and  I  have  realised  afresh 
what  it  is  to  be  among  the  number  of  those  who 
faint  under  their  burden  of  suffering,  and,  can 
you  believe  it,  in  spite  of  my  distress,  I  felt  a  deep 


DARK  HOURS  171 

inward  satisfaction  in  sharing  the  experience  of  the 
saddest  portion  of  humanity  ^  .  .  .  I  rose  again 
soon  to  the  higher  level  of  resignation,  where  I  did 
not  feel  so  unhappy.  But  it  is  a  curious  thing,  and 
one  I  was  very  glad  to  prove  for  myself,  that  during 
those  two  weeks  of  passive  submission  I  received 
no  message  from  above  for  others,  and  I  was  unable 
to  give  out  anything  at  all.  The  saddest  and 
most  touching  letters  did  not  move  me  in  the 
least,  and  I  did  not  try  to  answer  them,  as  I  had 
nothing  to  give  in  the  way  of  spiritual  help.  I 
felt  as  though  I  could  not  give  up  my  own  way,  and 
joyfully  accept  the  prospect  of  spending  another 
summer  in  my  room  and  in  bed.  No,  I  could  not, 
and  then  I  sounded  the  depths  of  my  spiritual 
weakness.  Happily  for  us  Christianity  is  a  positive 
thing.  As  M.  Monod  remarks  in  that  book  of 
his  which  I  like  so  much,  Silence  and  Prayer,  a 
Christian  must  not  say,  "  If  only  I  might  be  helped 
from  on  high,"  but,  "  I  know  that  my  help  comes 
from  Above  !  "  So  I  repeated  that  sentence  in 
all  humility  of  soul,  and  it  certainly  gave  me  fresh 
patience  and  trust.  At  length,  on  Saturday  last, 
without    any  special  preparation  in  the  way  of 

*  The  italics  are  the  author's. 


172         THE  LIFE  OF  AD^LE  KAMM 

prayer  or  meditation,  I  felt  a  sudden  inrush  of 
joy,  that  joy  which  I  had  so  completely  lost. 
Without  any  kind  of  struggle,  and,  in  consequence, 
without  victory,  I  was  back  in  my  habitual  sphere, 
saying  with  joy :  "  Yes,  Lord,  my  life  belongs  to 
Thee ;  use  it  just  in  the  very  best  way  for  my 
own  good,  for  that  of  others,  and  for  Thy  Glory  !  " 
Since  then  I  have  again  been  the  happiest  creature 
alive.  I  threw  myself  into  work  with  fresh  joy. 
.  .  .  This  experience  has  been  a  salutary  lesson 
to  me,  and  has  taught  me  to  sympathise  more 
fully  with  those  who  struggle,  and  with  those  who 
are  ready  to  faint  and  fail,  and  for  whom  one 
needs  to  have  words  of  cheer  which  have  been 
learnt  in  recent  trouble  and  not  merely  in  years 
gone  by.' 

The  thought  of  all  the  sufferers,  and  others 
who  depended  on  her,  was  a  great  stimulus  to 
Adele  Kamm.  '  In  healing  the  wounds  of  others 
we  are  ourselves  healed,  comfort  comes  to  us  as 
we  try  to  bring  comfort  to  others.  .  .  .  Invalids 
have  a  much  greater  influence  than  people  who 
are  well.  They  have  many  more  ways  of  helping 
others ;  I  am  sure  it  is  so  from  my  own  sweet  and 
happy  experience.' 


DARK  HOURS  173 

She  was  so  deeply  attached  to  her  ministry  of 
sympathy,  that  when  she  reflected  on  her  ap- 
proaching death  she  could  only  grieve  that  the 
'  pink  room  '  would  no  longer  be  open  for  those 
who  came  there  to  seek  peace  and  refreshment. 
When  her  suffering  increased,  and  she  felt  herself 
on  the  verge  of  giving  up  the  struggle,  she  would 
think  of  those  who  looked  to  her  for  inspiration, 
just  as  when  in  battle  a  leader  knows  that  the  least 
wavering  on  his  part  will  cause  a  panic  among  his 
followers  his  courage  rises  to  the  demands  made 
upon  it.  But  this  was  a  very  heavy  responsibility 
for  a  young  invalid  girl !  Her  beloved  '  Coccin- 
elles  '  were  not  the  only  people  whom  she  inspired 
with  courage  by  her  letters  and  messages.  More 
and  more  her  room  became,  as  Huysmans  de- 
scribed that  of  St.  Lydwinia,  a  'Hospital  for 
Souls.'  And  her  example  exerted  even  greater 
influence  than  her  words. 

'  Invalids  have  a  great  influence  over  healthy 
people,'  she  wrote  on  the  5  th  of  July  1909  to 
Mrs.  H.  R.  ;  '  the  latter  sympathise  with  them, 
and  eagerly  watch  to  see  what  faith  can  do  in  trial. 
If  faith  is  triumphant  then  no  sermon,  no  address, 
will  come  anywhere  near  it  for  convincing  power 


174         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

and  value.  In  these  days  of  scepticism  we  need 
living  witnesses  to  the  power  of  Christ,  and  this 
particular  kind  of  witness  impresses  every  one. 
For  some  months  past  I  have  felt  a  greater  re- 
sponsibility than  ever  about  the  power  of  faith  in 
suffering.  I  pray  very  often  that  God  will  up- 
hold me  and  direct  all  my  words,  for  scores  of 
visitors  are  watching  me,  ready  to  falter  if  I  seem 
to  weaken,  or  to  beHeve  with  all  their  heart  if  I 
am  full  of  peace  and  of  confidence  in  God's  love. 
I  am  not  referring  just  now  to  my  correspondence, 
which  is  a  work  in  itself,  but  to  the  people  who 
come  to  see  me  in  my  pretty  room  with  the  one 
desire  of  gaining  spiritual  help. 

'  And  you,  dear  friend,  who  know  my  nature 
to  be  so  simple,  so  faulty,  so  uncertain  of  itself, 
and,  I  might  say,  almost  worldly,  you  can  under- 
stand that  I  feel  quite  overwhelmed  sometimes, 
and  long  to  be  once  more  the  unknown  girl  of 
former  days.  But  that  does  not  seem  to  be  the 
will  of  God.  Every  life  has  an  influence  for  good 
or  evil.  I  have  gone  through  a  great  deal  of 
painful  inward  experience  ever  since  I  was  quite 
little.  I  am  sure  that  God  has  ordered  my  life 
for  a  very  definite  purpose,  as  my  present  con- 


DARK  HOURS  175 

dition  shows ;  and  He  has  done  it  with  such 
tenderness  and  exquisite  gentleness,  bringing 
each  trial  gradually  to  me,  that  now  I  lie  here  in 
my  helplessness  a  willing  instrument  in  the  hands 
of  God.  I  take  up  the  task  He  sets  me,  even 
though  I  would  have  preferred  to  remain  un- 
noticed. I  will  be  brave,  and  shoulder  even  that 
responsibility  which  seems  almost  too  much  for 
my  spiritual  and  physical  powers.  And  since  it  is 
my  life-work  to  witness  to  the  power  of  faith 
in  suffering,  I  accept  it  very  gratefully,  and  I 
thank  God  for  it  every  day,  asking  Him  to  sustain 
me  in  this  most  beautiful  path  of  service — that 
of  glorifying  Him  by  suffering,  and  so,  by  this 
means,  of  leading  many  souls  to  trust  Him  too.' 

Putting  her  own  troubles  aside  Adele  was  some- 
times called  upon  to  listen  to  the  complaints  of 
perfectly  healthy  people,  and  even  to  practise 
the  difficult  art  of  mind-healing.  '  A  lady  came 
the  other  day,'  she  wrote  to  a  friend,  '  to  ask  me 
point-blank  to  comfort  her  soul !  '  And  the  poor 
girl,  strong  in  faith  as  she  was,  was  quite  worn  out 
by  the  Jeremiad  to  which  she  had  to  listen.  On 
the  15  th  of  November  1909  she  wrote  to  Miss 
Schlumberger  :    '  Sometimes    I   faint  under   the 


176         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

burden  of  all  these  varied  confidences,  which  are 
sometimes  so  intimate  that  I  am  astonished  by 
them.  And  why,  why  is  all  this  confidence 
poured  into  my  ear  alone  ?  I  know  perfectly  well 
that  it  is  not  because  I  have  anything  striking  to 
say,  but  simply  because  my  heart  is  overflowing 
with  compassion  for  all  who  suffer  ;  and  therefore 
I  do  not  hesitate  to  break  through  my  natural 
reserve  to  speak  of  my  sufferings  and  of  my  deepest 
feelings,  in  the  hope  of  soothing  some  of  these 
poor  souls  by  letting  them  know  that  they  are 
loved.  Yes,  love — everything  lies  in  that  word.' 
'  Yes,  love — everything  lies  in  that  word.'  Adele 
Kamm  possessed  the  gift  of  love  to  such  a  degree 
that  it  almost  amounted  to  genius.  This  is  the 
impression  we  get  from  reading  her  letters.  We 
must  not  expect  to  find,  as  she  herself  said,  charm 
of  style  or  originality  of  thought, — the  tone  is 
rather  that  of  the  most  artless  sincerity.  I 
have  tried  to  let  her  own  voice  be  heard,  just  as 
she  used  to  speak,  for  this  little  book  has  not  been 
written  for  those  cultured  people  who  value 
nothing  but  literary  elegance,  but  for  '  weary  and 
heavy-laden  souls,'  who  are  in  search  of  spiritual 
comfort    and    refreshment.     Adele    Kamm    was 


DARK  HOURS  177 

guided   by  one  thought   and   one   only,  and   it 
determined  the  character  of  all  her  correspond- 
ence :    to  radiate  a  holy  influence,  to  find  words 
of  comfort  for  the  sick,  to  encourage  those  who 
were  bravely  fighting  the  battle  of  life,  to  raise 
up  the  faint-hearted  by  lavishing  on  them  that 
wise  and  tender  affection  which  seeks  the  highest 
good  of  those  on  whom  it  is  bestowed.     She  was 
infinitely   tender   to   those   who   gave   her   their 
confidence.     She    surrounded    them    with    the 
most  loving   thoughtfulness.     She  knew   exactly 
what  each  one  needed.     Even  when  she  spoke  of 
herself  she  was  always  thinking  of  others.     Her 
whole  life  was  a  sermon.     She  was  never  tired  of 
saying,  '  The  peace  which  I,  weak  and  unworthy 
as  I  am,  have  won,  may  be  your  experience  too.' 
She  longed   that   the   example   of  her   own  life 
should  be  one  of  those  '  living  witnesses '  which 
she  (most  rightly)  considered  so  necessary  in  the 
life   of   these   days.     We   ought   to   receive   this 
witness  with  care  and  reverence,  for  it  is  of  more 
value  in  our  eyes  than  all  the  creeds  and  texts 
in  the  world ;    we  must  bow  before  the  super- 
natural power  which  can  so  transfigure  a  young 
life. 

M 


178         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

It  seems  scarcely  credible,  especially  if  we  know 
anything  of  the  miseries  of  insomnia,  and  yet  it  is 
true  that  Adele  Kamm's  happiest  time  was  at 
night  when  she  could  not  sleep  for  pain.  Even 
when  she  felt  most  ill  she  never  wanted  any  one 
to  sit  up  with  her.  She  loved  to  be  quite  alone 
in  her  room,  where  silence  reigned  at  last  after 
all  the  noise  and  bustle  of  the  day.  Sometimes, 
far  on  in  the  night,  she  would  light  her  electric 
lamp,  and  write  to  her  friends ;  at  other  times 
she  would  lie  in  the  darkness  watching  a  solitary 
star  shining  in  at  her  window,  seeing  its  brilliance 
fade  away  until  it  vanished  in  the  greyness  of  the 
dawn.  That  was  the  hallowed  moment  when 
she  could  pray  best.  In  July  1910,  when  it 
seemed  probable  that  death  was  not  far  off,  she 
wrote  to  Mrs.  H.  R.  :  '  My  left  lung  is  now 
quite  useless,  and  the  right  is  so  badly  affected 
that  I  suffer  much  distress  from  difficulty  of 
breathing,  especially  at  intervals,  when  my  heart 
goes  wrong  as  well.  These  are  my  worst  times, 
and  I  find  it  hard  to  be  patient  then.  At  night  I 
get  on  much  better  spiritually,  because  I  have  such 
a  deHghtful  sense  of  being  upheld  .  .  .  and  I 
long  to  go  joyfully  home  to  God,  without  having 


DARK  HOURS  179 

to  witness  the  distress  of  those  I  love  so  dearly. 
I  enjoy  being  alone,  even  when  I  feel  very  ill, 
because  I  am  not  in  the  least  afraid ;  but  if  any  one 
sits  up  with  me  my  peace  is  disturbed.  I  suppose 
because  I  am  depending  on  other  people  instead 
of  on  God  and  on  myself.'  Her  prayer  was  no 
formal  utterance.  In  the  stillness  of  the  night  a 
heavenly  peace  enfolded  her.  In  the  hush  of  the 
Divine  Presence  her  suffering  was  soothed  like  that 
of  a  sick  child  in  its  mother's  arms.  She  gave 
herself  into  God's  care  with  loving  trust. 


CHAPTER  XVIII 

THE    CROSS 

'  It  is  not  enough  that  Christ  died  once  ;  He  must  be 
dying  always.' 

' .  ,  .  Knowest  thou,'  said  Christ, '  what  it  is  that  I  have  done 
unto  thee  ?  I  have  given  thee  the  Stigmata,  that  are  the  signs 
of  My  Passion,  to  the  end  that  thou  mayest  be  My  standard- 
bearer.' — (From  T/ie  Little  Floivers  of  St.  Francis  of  Assiii.) 

The  secret  of  Adele  Kamm's  abiding  and  triumph- 
ant joy  lay  in  the  fact  that  it  was  constantly 
renewed  in  the  hidden  depths  of  the  unfailing 
fountains  of  pain.  In  the  crucible  of  Christian 
faith  her  sorrow  was  turned  into  a  wonderful  joy. 
Her  faith  was  of  an  essentially  living  and  indi- 
vidual type.  '  In  my  opinion,'  said  Miss  S.  G. 
in  a  letter  to  me,  '  that  peculiarly  vital  and 
radiant  element  in  her  piety  was  the  result  of  an 
entirely  spontaneous  religious  development,  free 
from  all  extravagance  or  undue  pressure  from 
outside  influences ;  her  spiritual  growth  was 
natural  and  unforced  ;  she  was  allowed  to  develop 
along  her  own  lines,  without  being  either  checked 


THE  CROSS  i8i 

or  hastened  by  the  zeal  of  well-meaning  relatives, 
or  by  the  care  of  a  spiritual  director.  The 
atmosphere  of  truth  pervaded  it  from  the  very 
beginning ;  there  was  an  entire  absence  of  all 
scrupulous  rigidity,  or  of  artificial  and  imaginary 
experience,  and  her  whole  inward  life  was  guided 
by  the  Inner  Light,  loyally  followed  by  an 
upright  and  noble  soul,  whose  nature  had  been 
deepened  and  purified  by  suffering.' 

She  is  quite  right.  Adele  Kamm  owed  very 
little  to  human  teaching.  She  grew  up  in  her 
own  way,  educated  in  the  severe  but  wholesome 
school  of  suffering.  We  must  therefore  attach 
but  secondary  importance  to  the  influences  which 
did  affect  her.  She  was  susceptible  only  to  those 
which  were  of  assistance  to  her  in  the  path  which 
she  knew  she  was  meant  to  follow.  And  if  we 
may  mention  any  one  book  which,  read  at  the 
right  moment,  brought  heavenly  light  to  her 
soul,  we  do  so  knowing  that  it  had  this  effect  on 
her  simply  because  she  found  in  it  the  reflection  of 
her  own  personality  ;  and  because  it  gave  her 
intense  joy  to  find  her  own  thoughts  set  forth 
with  absolute  clearness,  thoughts  which  up  till 
that  moment  had  been  confused,  vague,  and  semi- 


i82         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

articulate.  Such  was  her  experience  on  reading 
the  book  entitled  Studies  on  the  Value  of  Suffering, 
by  Mr.  Ernest  Rostan/  which  had  been  lent  her 
in  August  1909  by  Mr.  M. 

'  You  cannot  imagine,'  she  wrote  to  Mr.  M., 
'  my  feelings  of  profound  surprise  and  satisfaction 
when,  on  opening  the  unknown  book  which  you 
had  so  kindly  lent  me,  I  discovered  that  I  was 
reading  an  exact  interpretation  of  all  my  thoughts, 
whether  clearly  defined  or  only  half-conscious 
(even  to  myself),  and  indeed  the  expression  of  my 
deepest  feelings ;  and  all  without  the  slightest 
discord,  without  a  jarring  word  or  phrase  which 
could  in  any  way  spoil  the  impression  left  on  me 
by  this  splendid  book,  Studies  on  the  Value  of 
Suffering. 

*  It  is  not  the  kind  of  book  to  read  through 
quickly,  and  yet  in  five  hours  I  had  completely 
mastered  every  part  of  the  argument,  and  even 
Rostan's  modes  of  expression  as  well,  which  shows 
you  that  my  own  point  of  view  exactly  coincides 
with  that  of  Rostan ;  and  that  this  book  simply 
sums  up,  in  a  very  beautiful  and  perfect  manner, 

1  A  new  edition  of  this  book  has  just  been  published  by  George 
Bridel,  Lausanne. 


THE  CROSS  183 

the    gist    of    my    thoughts,   whether   consciously 
defined  or  not,  for  a  long  time  past. 

'  Just  at  first  the  introduction  to  the  book  made 
me  feel  a  little  apprehensive,  for  Mr.  Philip  Bridel 
seemed  rather  uneasy  because  certain  chapters, 
such  as  "  Expiation  through  Suffering,"  had  been 
included  in  the  volume.  But  the  beauty,  the 
sublime  spirituality  of  that  chapter  gave  me  the 
deepest  joy.  Bridel  cannot  understand  it  as 
Rostan  and  I  can,  because,  as  he  himself  says,  he 
has  not  passed  through  the  fiery  trial  of  long 
physical  suffering.  He  has  not  known  those 
sleepless  nights  when  our  thoughts  try  to  pene- 
trate insoluble  mysteries  .  .  .  and  when,  if  faith 
does  not  come  to  our  aid,  we  may  so  easily  lapse 
into  sheer  unbelief.  No,  for  those  who  have  not 
suffered  much  the  chapter  on  "  Expiation  through 
Suffering  "  ^  may  well  seem  very  mysterious  and 
almost  unreal.  That  is  why,  until  now,  I  have 
always  taken  care  to  hide  the  secret  of  my  joy 
in  suffering  in  the  deepest  recesses  of  my  soul. 
Faith  and  the  love  of  God  in  Christ  can  give  the 
only  consolation  to  those  in  affliction,  but  I  believe 

^  There  is  no  chapter  bearing  this  title  in  Mr.  Rostan's  book, 
but  there  are  two  chapters  entitled  respectively:  'The  Necessity 
for  Expiation,'  and  'The  Mystery  of  Expiation.' 


i84         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

the  source  of  abiding  joy  in  constant  suffering 
lies  in  a  somewhat  vague,  confused,  but  real  sense 
of  vicarious  sacrifice.  Even  when  this  feeling 
becomes  more  definite,  we  cannot  go  to  our 
neighbour  and  say,  "  I  am  in  a  state  of  heavenly- 
bliss  unknown  to  the  majority  of  men  and  women, 
because  I  know  that  I  am  suffering  a  direct 
chastisement  inflicted  by  God,  not  only  for  my 
own  sins  but  also  for  the  sins  of  the  whole  world, 
for  that  burden  of  guilt  which  would  overwhelm 
us  altogether  were  it  not  for  the  atoning  sacrifice 
of  Jesus  Christ,  and  that  of  the  members  of  His 
Church."  This  holy  joy  would  be  misunderstood, 
criticism  would  soon  extinguish  the  sacred  flame 
which  burns  in  the  depths  of  the  soul,  and  I  have 
never  mentioned  the  subject  to  any  one  ;  indeed, 
I  even  suppressed  the  Hnes  that  I  had  written 
about  it,  in  the  MS.  of  my  little  book,  under  the 
heading  of  "Joy." ' 

The  reason  why  Adele  Kamm  could  enter  into 
such  full  sympathy  with  Mr.  Rostan  was  that 
he  too  was  a  comrade  in  suffering.  He  had 
trodden  the  same  path  and  had  reached  the  same 
goal.  Mr.  Philip  Bridel  tells  us  in  his  preface 
that  these  beautiful  and  touching  Studies  on  the 


THE  CROSS  185 

Value  of  Suffering  first  came  into  being  as  a  series 
of  simple  Sunday  meditations  addressed  by  Mr. 
Rostan  to  his  fellow-sufferers  at  Leysin  in  1899. 
This  book,  the  fruit  of  mature  thought  and 
experience,  cannot  be  summed  up  in  a  few  sen- 
tences. Mr.  Rostan  bases  his  whole  argument 
upon  the  words  of  St.  Paul  :  ^  '  I  ...  fill  up 
on  my  part  that  which  is  lacking  of  the  aflEictions 
of  Christ  in  my  flesh  for  His  body's  sake,  which 
is  the  Church,'  the  word  '  Church '  being  taken 
in  its  broadest  sense,  and  covering  the  whole  of 
regenerate  humanity.  Mr.  Rostan's  view  is  that 
when  a  Christian  accepts  undeserved  suffering 
he  shares  in  the  sufferings  of  His  Master.^  His 
pain  becomes  a  kind  of  crucifixion  through  which 
he  also,  in  his  imperfect  way,  may  atone  for  sins 
which  are  not  his  own. 

'  But,'  some  one  will  say,  '  is  not  this  a  very 
dangerous  doctrine  ?  does  it  not  lead  to  spiritual 
pride  ?  is  it  not  sacrilegious  to  put  oneself  in  the 
place  of  the  Son  of  God  ? '  And  Mr.  Rostan  fore- 
saw this  objection.  '  Our  expiatory  sufferings,' 
he    says,^   '  do   not,    of   themselves,    achieve    the 

^  Col.  i.  24.  2  See  pp.  173  and  following. 

3  See  pp.  177  and  following. 


i86         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

salvation  of  any  one,  but  they  have  a  moral  value 
flowing  from  the  redemptive  power  of  Christ, 
and  which  acts  in  the  same  manner.  .  .  .  We 
do  not  take  the  place  of  Jesus  Christ,  we  manifest 
Him.  .  .  .  We  do  not  add  to  the  power  of  His 
redemption,  but  we  release  it  for  the  good  of 
others.'  Any  one  can  see  in  what  way  Mr.  Ros- 
tan's  doctrine  differs  from  the  Roman  Catholic 
teaching  concerning  transference  of  merit.  How- 
ever, it  is  not  our  business  to  enter  into  de- 
tails about  this  view  of  Mr.  Rostan's,  much  less 
to  discuss  it  fully.  All  we  wish  to  do  is  to  make 
clear  the  part  it  played  in  Adele  Kamm's  experi- 
ence. We  may  call  it  the  glowing  centre  of  all 
her  religious  thinking,  the  oft-renewed  source 
of  her  strength  and  joy.  It  is  evident  that  the 
perusal  of  Studies  on  the  Value  of  Suffering  acted 
as  a  great  help  and  stimulus  to  her. 

*  I  know  you  will  be  glad  to  hear  that  I  am 
having  a  good  week,'  she  wrote  to  Mrs.  F.  G.  on 
the  20th  of  August.  '  I  am  sure  you  would  like 
to  see  me  now  ;  my  face  has  filled  out ;  I  look  more 
like  myself  again.  Several  good  nights  have  given 
my  eyes  a  brighter  expression,  and  I  feel  that 
it  is  good  to  be  alive  !     I  am  so  thankful  for  this 


THE  CROSS  187 

time  of  respite,  which  I  am  enjoying  with  all 
my  heart,  for  I  know  that  I  do  not  deserve  it  in  the 
least.  I  regard  suffering  as  an  integral  part  of 
life,  owing  to  the  fact  of  sin,  not  of  our  individual 
sins  in  particular,  but  the  great  mass  of  human 
guilt,  which  would  overwhelm  us  utterly  were  it 
not  for  the  great  love  of  God  and  the  sacrifice 
of  Christ.  I  feel  that  it  is  already  such  a  glorious 
thing  to  know  that  we  can  be  forgiven,  and  that 
we  may  one  day  enter  into  the  bliss  of  heaven, 
that  every  happy  experience  in  this  present  life 
seems  almost  too  good  to  be  true,  and  fills  me  with 
overflowing  gratitude. 

'  For  a  long  time  now  I  have  cherished,  deep 
down  in  my  heart,  a  certain  conviction,  which, 
though  at  first  somewhat  vague  and  elusive,  has 
become  clearer  during  the  last  two  years,  and  is 
really  the  source  of  all  the  joy  which  I  experience 
in  my  affliction.  I  beHeve  that  suffering,  accepted 
with  submission,  may  be  a  means  of  great  blessing 
to  us ;  but  I  also  beHeve  that  we  may  go  a  step 
further,  and  that  by  the  voluntary  acceptance  of 
our  cross  in  the  Spirit  of  Christ  (that  is,  in  union 
with  the  Will  of  God)  we  may  help,  in  some 
measure,  to  bring  about  the  final  victory  of  good 


i88         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

over  evil.  This  ultimate  triumph  of  Goodness, 
foretold  in  the  New  Testament,  and  confirmed 
hy  all  the  highest  aspirations  of  our  spiritual 
nature,  is  an  aim  so  beautiful  and  sublime  that 
the  thought  that  we  may  hasten  the  final  de- 
struction of  sin  hy  the  glad  and  willing  uniting 
of  our  sufferings  with  those  of  the  Master  is  an 
incredibly  powerful  motive  and  inspiration,  as 
I  am  finding  out,  to  my  great  joy,  every  day  I 
live.' 

Adele  Kamm  looked  upon  the  whole  of  man- 
kind as  one  family  whose  members  were  indis- 
solubly  united  to  each  other,  forming  one  body. 
But  it  seemed  to  her  that,  owing  to  the  fact  of 
sin,  humanity  had  missed  the  way,  and  lost  itself 
in  a  maze  of  bewildered  confusion.  This  ac- 
counted for  the  '  problem '  of  suffering.  For, 
since  we  have  '  wandered '  away,  why  should 
suffering,  even  of  an  intensely  painful  nature, 
cause  us  any  surprise  ?  Surely  it  would  have 
been  unnatural  had  it  been  otherwise. 

'  And  we  also  suffer  with,  and  on  behalf  of,  each 
other,'  she  adds ;  '  that  is  to  say  we  make  atone- 
ment for  each  other.  All  of  us  suffer  in  some 
way,  but  some  have  to  bear  a  double  portion, 


THE  CROSS  189 

for  the  sake  of  those  who  suffer  less — the  innocent 
child  for  the  criminal,  the  elect  for  the  depraved. 
.  .  .  We  continue  the  work  of  Christ  in  minia- 
ture :  He,  the  Holy  and  Just  One,  consented  to 
suffer  and  become  the  Son  of  Man,  in  order  that 
He  might  be  one  with  us,  and  make  atonement 
for  His  brethren  and  save  them  .  .  .  and  should 
not  we  human  beings,  who  are  bound  to  each  other 
by  the  ties  of  common  brotherhood,  be  glad  and 
willing  to  give  ourselves  to  suffer  for  each  other  ? 
When  sin  has  been  conquered,  and  good  has 
triumphed,  when  we  have  gained  the  final  victory 
through  Christ,  and  when  He  comes  in  great 
glory,  then,  oh,  then  .  .  .  what  joy  it  will  be 
for  those  who  for  this  glorious  end  have  suffered 
willingly,  and  united  their  efforts  to  those  of 
Christ  !  There,  my  dear  friend,  you  have  the 
secret  of  the  faith  which  strengthens  me  to  go 
forward  with  courage,  and  which  makes  my 
present  life  of  suffering  far  happier  than  the 
former  one.  I  am  so  grateful  that  I  am  allowed 
to  suffer  in  a  noble  cause,  and  I  rejoice  to  know 
that,  in  a  quiet  way,  my  life  is  being  used  for  the 
good  of  the  race.' 

It  was  such  a  comfort  to  her  to  have  reached 


190         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

absolute  clearness  of  thought  on  this  point,  and, 
consequently,  to  dare  to  express  it  freely,  that 
she  at  once  began  to  share  this  joy  with  all  her 
correspondents.  '  We  may  do  on  a  small  scale 
what  Christ  has  done  on  a  sublime  one,'  she 
wrote  on  the  28th  of  August  to  Mr.  H.,  '  and  so 
we  enter  into  fellowship  with  Him.  Only,  we 
must  not  forget  that  Christ  chose  this  life  of 
suffering,  and  we  do  not  choose  it,  we  submit  to  it, 
for  we  are  sinful :  our  sole  act  of  moral  value  is  to 
suffer  willingly  instead  of  merely  passively  sub- 
mitting, and  in  this  surrender  of  the  will  we  may, 
as  I  believe  from  the  bottom  of  my  heart,  hasten 
the  victory  of  good  in  that  awful  struggle  between 
the  powers  of  good  and  evil.'  It  is  precisely  this 
willing  surrender  which,  far  surpassing  the  state 
of  neutral  and  gloomy  resignation,  turns  pain 
into  joy  and  makes  sickness  a  privilege — a  privilege 
and  a  glorious  honour,  since  it  allows  the  sufferer 
to  share  in  the  sufferings  of  Jesus  Christ  and  in 
His  redemptive  work.  In  this  manner  Adele 
Kamm  has  been  able  to  explain  to  us  the  secret 
of  that  joy  which  appeared  to  us  little  short  of 
miraculous. 


CHAPTER  XIX 

THE    RELATION    OF    THE    DIVINE    WILL    TO 
SUFFERING 

*.  .  .  It  is  no  argument  against  the  love  of  God  that  the 
world  is  a  world  of  pain,  provided,  as  we  know  to  be  the 
case,  that  God  Himself  has  elected  to  suffer  more  than  the 
greatest  sufferer,  and  that  there  is  a  worthy  end  to  it  all.  .  .  .' 

Bishop  Brent. 

Suffering,  however,  is  not  confined  to  the  realm 
of  human  existence.  The  whole  universe  is  under 
her  inexorable  sway.  A  modern  French  writer  ^ 
has  thrown  out  the  suggestion  that,  if  we  could 
penetrate  the  mystery  of  the  stars,  we  should  find, 
even  in  these,  the  same  process  going  on,  we  should 
have  to  contemplate  the  same  awful  spectacle  of 
'  Nature,  red  in  tooth  and  claw,'  carrying  out  her 
pitiless  design.  And,  indeed,  if  those  countless 
worlds  of  whose  existence  we  are  aware,  but  which 
lie  far  beyond  our  ken — if  they  also  throb  with 

1  Anatole  France,  through  one  of  his  characters,  M.  Bergeret. 

191 


192         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

life,  then  we  may  be  sure  that  death  will  be  there 
too  ;  for  death  is  the  shadow  cast  by  life,  assum- 
ing the  proportions  of  a  giant  spectre,  hounding 
on  her  prey  to  a  certain  doom. 

Taking  up  the  thought  of  Pascal  that  our 
human  existence  is  poised  midway  between  *  two 
spheres  of  infinity,'  we  see  that  this  whole  realm 
is  under  her  control.  Examine  a  drop  of  water 
under  a  microscope,  and  you  will  observe  the  same 
phenomenon.  Look  at  the  very  ground  upon 
which  you  tread,  and  you  will  there  see  the  same 
law  at  work.  Every  tuft  of  grass  is  a  battlefield 
in  miniature,  and  the  scene  of  many  a  ruthless 
massacre.  We  destroy  life  by  the  mere  fact  of 
our  existence.  We  often  kill  living  creatures 
quite  thoughtlessly,  apart  from  any  personal 
considerations  of  comfort  or  utility.  What  pur- 
pose can  be  served  by  the  suffering  of  yonder 
insect,  crushed  by  a  careless  heel  ?  The  sight  of 
the  dumb  agony  of  a  few  shell-fish,  left  stranded 
on  the  shore  by  the  receding  tide,  and  slowly 
scorching  to  death  in  the  sunshine,  made  such  a 
profound  impression  upon  a  sensitive,  thoughtful 
woman,  Mme.  Theodore  Flournoy,  that  she 
began   to   doubt   the   all-pervading  goodness   of 


THE  DIVINE  WILL  AND  SUFFERING     193 

that  Providence  of  whom  Racine  speaks  in  the 
following  terms  : 

'By  God's  provision  new-born  birds  are  fed, 
And  o'er  all  nature  is  His  kindness  spread.' 

'  Why  is  it  ?  '  she  mused,  '  that  this  Beneficent 
Power  which  broods  over  Nature  is  every- 
where found  lacking  ?  Why  does  He  permit  so 
much  cruelty,  so  many  horrors,  so  much  useless 
suffering  ?  ' 

At  a  later  period  in  her  life  Mme.  Flournoy  had 
to  pass  through  terrible  personal  sorrows.  Her 
much-loved  brother.  Dr.  Henry  Burnier,  a  useful 
and  able  man,  who  was  working  at  Leysin  with 
great  devotion,  was  one  day  shot  by  an  unhappy 
lunatic.  The  question  then  arose  in  her  mind, 
'  Ought  I  to  see  the  hand  of  God  in  this  event  ?  ' 
She  felt  that  she  could  not  do  so  ;  and,  being  a 
poet,  she  poured  out  the  perplexity  of  her  soul 
in  the  following  burning  stanzas  :  ^ 

'Insensate,  hateful  Death,  why  wilt  thou  take 
Thy  cruel  pleasure  only  in  our  pains  ? 
Of  thy  dread  might  are  these  the  gains. 
These  broken  flowers,  these  tears  from  hearts  that  break? 

1  Recollections  of  Marie  Flournoy- Burnier,  1 8 56-1 909   (for  private 
circulation),  p.  50. 

N 


194         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

Eternal  Father,  God  whose  tender  care 
And  all  unresting  mercy  overflows 
Our  blackest,  vilest  sins,  are  these  our  woes 

Thy  doing  then  ?    Thy  will — this  dread  despair  ? 

O  Holy  God  !   upon  the  Cross  Thy  Son 

Died  as  the  guilty  die.     Was  that  from  Thee  ? 
Was  that  the  only  price  to  set  us  free  ? 

Were  we  not  sad  enough,  till  that  was  done  ? 

O  God  of  Life  and  Grace,  exalted  high. 

If  I  blaspheme  Thy  name  wilt  Thou  forgive? 
But  if  as  Thy  dear  child  I  still  would  live, 

In  evil  hands  must  I  Thy  Hand  descry  ? 

When  in  the  shadow  plots  the  murderous  heart, 
Is  Thy  pure  will  at  work  within  his  hate  ? 
When  battle-fields  are  swept  and  desolate 

And  ships  return  no  more,  hast  Thou  a  part  ? 

"  Thou  shalt  not  curse  thy  brother  "  Thou  hast  taught, 
And  wilt  Thou  curse  Thy  child  ?  May  God  forbid. 
'Tis  Thou  in  hearts  the  life  and  light  hast  hid  .   .  . 

No  God  of  shadows.  Thou,  nor  Lord  of  naught.' 

Other  cruel  bereavements  fell  to  Mme.  Flour- 
noy's  lot.  She  longed  with  growing  intensity 
for  a  satisfying  conception  of  God,  which  would 
free  Him  from  the  responsibility  for  the  incompre- 
hensible suffering  which  threatened  to  overwhelm 
her  on  every  side. 

*  That  period  of  her  life  was  a  time  of  unspeak-' 


THE  DIVINE  WILL  AND  SUFFERING     195 

able  anguish,  for  the  loss  of  her  faith  added 
poignancy  to  the  bitterness  of  her  grief,'  says 
Mr.  Theodore  Flournoy  in  the  preface  to  the 
Recollections.'^  '  She  feared  that  hope  was  gone 
for  ever,  but  a  sincere  religious  faith  can  arise 
even  out  of  the  dead  ashes  of  such  a  devastating 
fire,  rendered  stronger  and  purer  by  having 
passed  through  the  crucible  of  sorrow.  After 
fifteen  months  of  terrible  mental  and  spiritual 
distress,  peace  came  at  last.  Marie  regained 
balance  and  calmness  of  mind  when  she  per- 
ceived that  in  the  Christianity  of  the  Gospels 
there  is  nothing  to  lead  us  to  attribute  suffering 
to  the  Will  of  God,  since  Jesus  Christ  Himself, 
differing  widely  in  this  respect  from  so  many 
Christian  people,  and  even  from  many  clergymen 
of  our  day,  never  ascribed  to  our  Heavenly  Father 
the  miseries  that  He  met  and  relieved,  but  He 
attributed  them  to  the  Evil  One  alone. 

'  She  stated  her  new  position  in  the  phrase  : 
"  God  is  absent  from  the  world."  Of  course  this 
expression  must  not  be  taken  too  literally,  nor 
its  meaning  pressed  too  closely.  She  only  meant 
it  to  shadow  forth  her  deep  conviction  that  God 

1   Page  7. 


196         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

is   not   vitally   connected   with   the   bodily   and 
mental  ills  from  which  we  suffer.' 

Thus  Marie  Flournoy  found  herself  on  the 
horns  of  that  formidable  dilemma  which  has 
tortured  so  many  devout  souls :  Touched  by  the 
insistent  cry  of  a  suffering  world,  how  can  any 
thoughtful  person  maintain  that  the  Creator  is 
both  All-powerful  and  All-loving  ?  If  He  is 
Love,  how  can  He  endure  the  sight  of  so  much 
terrible  and  often  useless  suffering,  and  that  not 
only  of  mankind,  but  of  all  living  creatures  ?  If 
He  is  All-Powerful,  why  does  He  allow  it  ?  In 
common  with  many  present  day  Protestant 
thinkers,  such  as  William  James,  Wilfred  Monod, 
Charles  Wagner,  and  Stephen  Secretan,  she  tried 
to  solve  the  problem  by  giving  up  the  conception 
of  God's  Omnipotence  in  order  to  be  able  to  keep 
her  belief  in  His  Love.  And  along  these  lines  she 
regained  her  faith. ^  It  was  exactly  the  opposite 
conclusion  from  that  to  which  Adele  Kamm  had 
been  led.  We  have  no  right  however  to  infer 
from  this  fact  that  one  of  the  two  was  necessarily 

1  See  the  detailed  description  of  this  experience  in  'Notes  on 
Religious  Psychology,'  by  Mr.  Theodore  Flournoy  (^Archhves  dt 
Fsychologie,  vol.  ii.  p.  327.     October  1903). 


THE  DIVINE  WILL  AND  SUFFERING     197 

in  the  wrong,  as  our  reason,  objecting  to  all 
logical  contradictions,  would  lead  us  to  suppose. 

Never  more  plainly  than  in  this  insoluble 
problem  do  we  see  that  our  views  are  but  the 
imperfect  reflection  of  our  own  personality  upon 
an  evershifting  screen.  Whether  for  good  or 
for  evil,  our  ideas  are  moulded  into  logical  form 
by  the  pressure  of  some  powerful  feeling.  In- 
tellectual pride  dims  the  vision  of  truth  ;  reason 
considers  herself  the  supreme  guide,  when  in 
reality  she  is  obeying  the  will  of  another.  She 
is  like  an  unscrupulous  lawyer  who  has  under- 
taken to  defend  a  cause  with  plausible  argu- 
ments, but  whose  speech,  however  clever  it  may 
be,  can  never  convince  any  excepting  those  who 
wish  to  be  convinced. 

Does  this  attitude  of  mind  force  us  into 
thoroughgoing  scepticism  ?  Must  we  then  con- 
clude that  our  search  for  Truth  is  utterly  in  vain  ? 
Since  conflicting  ideas  may  be  of  equal  value, 
must  we  infer  that  their  value  is  nil  ?  On  the 
contrary,  religious  ideas  and  convictions  are  not 
so  easily  adaptable  that  they  can  be  fitted  in  to 
any  kind  of  brain,  like  machine-made  wheels  which 
will  fit  any  watch  of  a  certain  type  made  at  a  good 


198         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

factory.  They  cannot  be  manufactured  at  will 
out  of  a  mass  of  lifeless  material.  They  are,  and 
ought  to  be,  an  integral  part  of  life  itself.  If  we 
cannot  work  them  out  for  ourselves,  at  least  let 
us  not  accept  any  which  our  minds  cannot  assimi- 
late. Our  criterion  is  not  objective  ;  rather  it 
is  subjective,  and  consists  in  that  deep  sense  of 
inward  harmony  which,  according  to  William 
James,  is  the  mystic  token  by  which  we  may 
recognise  Truth.  The  common  saying  that 
'  Every  one  takes  his  pleasure  where  he  finds  it ' 
receives  a  deeper  meaning  in  this  connection. 
The  obligation  is  laid  upon  each  one  of  us  of 
persevering  in  the  search  for  Truth,  until  we  find 
that  part  of  it  which  we  can  make  our  own,  and 
which  we  may  infallibly  recognise  by  the  sense 
of  abiding  peace  which  will  gradually  enfold  us. 
And  when  we  are  quite  certain  that  we  have  seen 
'  the  Star  ' — the  right  one,  and  no  meteor — we 
must  continue  our  journey  in  the  darkness,  in  an 
unknown  land,  guided  by  its  light  alone.  This 
was  the  course  pursued  by  the  Wise  Men  on  their 
way  to  Bethlehem,  Perhaps  the  seeker  after 
the  Ideal,  as  in  the  case  of  Marie  Flournoy,  will 
have  to  quit  the  beaten  track  along  which  kindly 


THE  DIVINE  WILL  AND  SUFFERING     199 

hands  have  led  him  in  his  childhood.  He  may- 
find  it  necessary  to  break  away  from  many  accepted 
traditions.  This  utter  sincerity  may  involve 
suffering,  not  only  to  himself,  but  to  those  he 
loves.  This  is  the  price  he  must  pay  in  order 
to  learn  the  inward  meaning  of  those  words, 
*  The  truth  shall  make  you  free.'  For  each  soul 
the  discovery  of  Truth  involves  self-knowledge 
and  freedom  from  all  external  restraint. 

The  question  about  which  Adele  Kamm  and 
Marie  Flournoy  (as  is  so  often  the  case  among 
decided  Christians)  held  such  divergent  views 
is  one  of  such  vital  significance  that  each  of  us 
ought  to  take  up  a  definite  position  with  regard 
to  it.  But,  at  the  same  time,  we  have  no  right 
to  say  that  either  one  or  the  other  was  mistaken. 
Each  lived  up  to  the  light  which  was  given  her, 
and  both  of  them  finally  reached  the  goal.  We 
ought  to  bear  this  fact  in  mind,  that  their 
suffering  was  very  different  in  character,  and  I 
incline  to  believe  that  there  we  may  discover  the 
underlying  reason  for  their  divergence  of  opinion. 
The  one  suffered  bodily  pain,  and  for  her  the 
way  to  victory  lay  in  accepting  her  trial  as  a  gift 
from  God,  and  in  being  able  to  bless  Him  for  it. 


200         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

Mme.  Flournoy,  on  the  other  hand,  suffered  from 
seeing  the  anguish  of  those  she  loved,  and,  in 
consequence,  she  felt  a  sense  of  bitter  resentment 
at  the  apparent  injustice  of  life.  Selfish  people 
may  find  the  troubles  of  others  more  bearable 
than  their  own ;  but  generous,  sensitive,  and  loving 
souls  like  Mme.  Flournoy  are  cast  in  a  finer  mould. 
She  would  have  considered  it  blasphemous  to 
thank  God  for  having  allowed  her  brother  to 
perish  at  the  hands  of  an  ordinary  murderer. 
This  is  a  striking  instance  of  the  way  in  which 
psychological  justification  can  be  found  for  the 
most  conflicting  opinions. 

We  ought  to  take  pains  to  acquire  this  point 
of  view,  though  it  may  involve  a  lessened  con- 
fidence in  our  own  judgment  and  in  the  in- 
fallibility of  our  arguments,  or  even  in  the  value 
of  that  which  we  have  hitherto  accepted  as  true 
beyond  all  dispute.  Adele  Kamm  felt  this 
necessity  very  strongly ;  and  she  expressed  it 
with  the  tactful  delicacy  of  a  loving  heart  in  a 
beautiful  letter  written  to  Mr.  Flournoy  on  the 
19th  of  June  1 910,  acknowledging  his  gift  of  a 
copy  of  the  Recollections  : 

'  I  am  keenly  interested  in  the  position  which 


THE  DIVINE  WILL  AND  SUFFERING     201 

Mme.  Flournoy  takes  up  on  this  great  question. 
I  cannot  help  thinking  how  much  I  should  have 
enjoyed  talking  over  the  problem  of  pain  with 
her  ;  for  the  whole  subject  is  one  which  troubles 
some  minds  to  such  an  extent  that  a  solution  of 
some  kind  is  really  indispensable  if  they  are  to 
maintain  their  faith,  and  to  suffer  wiUingly, 
without  bitterness  and  rebelHon.  I  cannot  say 
how  much  I  admire  Mme.  Flournoy  for  her 
profound  love  of  God,  which,  I  take  it,  is  the 
reason  why  she  tries  to  shift  the  responsibility  for 
the  problem  of  suffering  away  from  God,  think- 
ing that  it  dishonours  Him  to  bring  Him  in  any 
way  in  touch  with  the  burdens  of  the  "  creation 
which  groaneth  and  travaileth  in  pain."  It  is 
a  great  mystery,  and  one  which,  viewed  at  a  dis- 
tance^ would  have  probably  led  me  to  the  same 
conclusion  as  Mme.  Flournoy^  for  I  cannot  bear 
to  see  either  people  or  animals  suffer.  But,  in 
the  realm  of  personal  experience,  I  am  forced 
to  see  the  hand  of  God  in  every  detail  of  my 
long  trial. 

'  This  brings  us  out  of  the  region  of  theory, 
and  into  that  of  actual  fact,  which  is  full  of  in- 

1  The  Italics  are  the  author's. 


202         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

finite  variety.  I  hardly  like  to  tell  you  what  I 
feel  about  suffering,  because  I  do  not  suppose 
that  my  private  opinion  will  carry  any  weight ; 
the  only  thing  I  can  say  for  it  is  that  it  helps  me 
to  suffer  intelligently  as  well  as  trustfully,  at  those 
times  when  my  physical  pain  is  so  agonising,  that 
I  feel  that  there  simply  must  be  a  worthy  end 
to  it  all  if  I  am  to  accept  it.  Every  one  must  for- 
mulate his  or  her  own  ideas  on  the  subject  and,  must 
consider  them  all  valuable^  if  they  help  us  to  make 
the  best  of  life  a  fid  to  hear  our  sufferings  with 
courage.'' 

In  the  same  letter  Adele  Kamm  goes  on  to 
expound  her  views  on  expiatory  suffering  in  terms 
very  similar  to  those  which  she  used  in  the  letter 
to  Mr.  F.  G.,  which  I  quoted  in  the  last  chapter, 
and  then  she  adds  : 

'  .  .  .  For  people  like  me,  who  are  confirmed 
invalids  with  no  hope  of  recovery,  this  religious 
point  of  view  has  the  advantage  of  giving  us 
strength  and  even  joy  in  bearing  the  pain,  the 
sleepless  nights,  and  the  thousand  and  one 
deprivations  of  our  lot ;  and  it  further  teaches 
us  to  see  material  pleasures  in  the  right  light,  a 
process  which  makes  them  appear  very  hollow. 


THE  DIVINE  WILL  AND  SUFFERING    203 

and  sometimes  positively  harmful.  The  reason 
why  I  am  so  happy  is  that  I  do  not  envy  any 
one  ;  I  have  found  the  secret  of  pure  joy,  for  I 
suffer  with  Christ  in  the  holy  cause  of  the  redemp- 
tion of  humanity.  Then  I  have  other  sources  of 
joy  as  well,  which  are  more  beautiful  and  fragrant 
than  any  of  the  ordinary  pleasures  of  health,  and 
which  I  would  like  every  one  to  possess,  even  if  it 
involved  their  being  ill  for  years.  Fortunately, 
however,  this  is  not  an  indispensable  condition 
for  those  who  want  to  comfort  and  help  all  who 
are  fallen  and  out  of  the  way,  and  who  would 
show  them  the  radiant  glories  of  eternity  in  the 
midst  of  the  shadows  of  this  earthly  life. 

*  Sometimes  I  feel  that  I  am  so  much  happier 
than  those  whom  the  world  reckons  the  most 
fortunate,  that  I  am  almost  ashamed  of  myself, 
and  I  am  quite  glad  when  from  time  to  time  my 
spirit  fails  me,  and  I  realise  my  oneness  in  suffering 
with  all  who  struggle  and  rebel.  Oh,  how  well 
I  understand  them,  when  I  think  of  all  the  bless- 
ings that  I  have  received  and  how  I  have  fallen ! 
I  feel  then  that  I  am  sister  to  all  these  unhappy 
souls,  and  my  heart  goes  out  to  them,  and  I  long 
to  take  them  by  the  hand  and  dry  their  tears, 


204         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

and  show  them  Him  who  is  the  Saviour  and  the 
Life. 

'  But  there  is  one  thing  that  shadows  my  happi- 
ness :  how  can  I  be  perfectly  happy  when  I  think 
of  all  these  brothers  and  sisters  of  mine  who  are 
well-nigh  overwhelmed  by  their  burdens,  and 
who  must  suffer  in  this  life  if  the  love  of  God  is 
to  save  them  for  a  glorious  future  ?  But  here 
again  we  must  believe  in  God  with  all  our  hearts, 
and  remember  that  life  has  a  high  and  worthy  aim 
when  it  is  dedicated  to  the  holy  cause  of  doing 
good.  Therefore,  it  is  worth  while  to  be  born  to 
suffer,  and  to  die.  Two  years  ago  I  thought 
that  I  had  reached  the  highest  experience  of  the 
spiritual  life  in  welcoming  the  thought  of  death  ; 
but  I  have  learnt  something  more  since  then, 
and  now  I  shall  be  grateful  for  life  as  long  as  I 
have  an  atom  of  strength  left.  I  am  looking 
forward  with  intense  hopefulness  to  the  life 
beyond,  not  only  for  the  radiant  joy  of  the  nearer 
vision  of  God,  but  because  I  am  sure  that  we  shall 
not  be  at  rest,  but  that  we  shall  go  on  working 
for  God  just  the  same,  only  in  a  much  higher  and 
purer  fashion.  I  suffer  so  much  from  my  weak- 
nesses  and   from   the   various  hindrances   which 


THE  DIVINE  WILL  AND  SUFFERING    205 

constantly  arise  in  work  for  God  down  here. 
Oh,  it  will  be  good,  it  will  be  glorious,  to  be 
able  to  serve  Him  without  sinning  ! ' 

It  is  quite  clear  that  Adele  Kamm's  views  on 
suffering  cannot  possibly  be  reconciled  with  those 
of  Marie  Flournoy.  The  mind  can  scarcely  con- 
ceive of  God  as  a  capricious  Being  who  is  some- 
times absent  from  the  world,  and  sometimes 
present  in  it,  a  God  who  has  nothing  to  do  with 
certain  kinds  of  suffering,  but  who  sends  us 
others  for  the  sake  of  discipline.  But,  if  the 
mental  instrument  which  we  call  logic  rules  in- 
exorably over  our  limited  intellects,  it  does  not 
govern  the  world  ;  and  a  very  happy  thing  it  is 
that  this  is  the  case,  for  the  world  would  be  a  very 
dull  place  if  it  did.  It  would  lack  the  essential 
element  of  spontaneity. 

It  is  very  instructive  to  note  this  apparently 
irreconcilable  difference  of  opinion  between  two 
earnest  Christian  women.  It  only  shows  us  that 
people  who  hold  widely  diverging  intellectual 
views  may  yet  be  one  in  spiritual  fellowship,  for 
in  that  realm  alone  can  we  find  the  solution  of 
many  a  logical  contradiction.  It  is  the  same  in 
the  world  of  thought  as  in  the  planet  on  which 


2o6         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

we  live ;  if  two  travellers  set  out  in  exactly 
opposite  directions  to  go  round  the  world,  they 
may,  if  they  persevere,  cross  each  other  at  the 
Antipodes,  and  meet  at  the  end  of  the  journey. 
Thus  Adele  Kamm  and  Marie  Flournoy  set  out 
in  opposite  directions  in  their  quest  for  Truth, 
and,  after  following  many  devious  paths,  they 
finally  arrived  at  the  same  point,  the  same  accept- 
ance of  suffering,  the  same  simple  trust  in  the 
infinite  love  of  God.  One  of  them  could  say  in 
the  words  of  the  poet  : 

'  Blessed  be  thou,  my  God,  who  suffering  giv'st 
Thy  medicine  for  our  impurity.' 

While  the  other  expressed  herself  thus  :  '  Blessed 
be  Thou,  my  God,  for  this,  that  though  Thou 
dost  not  inflict  upon  us  unmerited  sufferings,  yet 
Thou  dost  come  near  us  to  help  and  console.' 
Both  were  faithful  to  the  supreme  Truth,  which 
is  nothing  else  but  Love. 

I  care  very  little  for  the  opinion  of  others 
concerning  the  theological  value  of  Adele  Kamm's 
creed.  I  see  clearly  that,  as  far  as  she  was  con- 
cerned, she  abundantly  proved  its  worth,  and 
that  is  enough  for  me.  She  carried  out  her 
conception  of  vicarious  suffering  in  her  own  life. 


THE  DIVINE  WILL  AND  SUFFERING     207 

and  it  is  evident  that  the  very  fact  of  the  manner 
in  which  she  accepted  and  bore  her  pain  had  a 
redemptive  influence  upon  those  who  came  into 
touch  with  her.  In  a  very  real  sense  she  was 
'  crucified  with  Christ,'  and  by  virtue  of  this 
surrender  she  drew  many  of  her  fellow-sufferers 
to  herself.  She  was  the  source  of  life  to  the  sick 
and  the  rebellious,  who  imagined  themselves 
banished  from  the  company  of  the  living. 

Her  gift  of  spiritual  insight  led  her  to  discover 
something  of  rehgious  value  in  the  most  un- 
orthodox people.  She  remembered  the  words  of 
Christ  :  '  In  my  Father's  house  are  many  man- 
sions,' and  she  was  in  nowise  disturbed  when 
others  chose  a  different  one  from  that  which  she 
loved.  After  reading  the  Memoirs  of  Marie 
Flournoy  she  wrote  to  me  thus  :  '  I  should  so 
much  like  either  to  see  Mr.  Flournoy  or  to  write 
to  him,  for  I  want  to  tell  him  how  much  good 
this  book  has  done  me,  in  spite  of  the  fact  that 
Mme.  Flournoy  and  I  look  at  suffering  from  an 
entirely  different  standpoint.  But  the  conclusion 
to  which  she  came  is  one  with  which  I  heartily 
agree  (for  it  always  helps  me  so  much),  namely, 
that  dogmas  are  only  really  valuable  when  they 


2o8         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

draw  our  souls  upwards  to  God,  and  impart  an 
energy  for  purity  and  holiness.  In  this  way  the 
most  divergent  views  become  not  only  valuable 
but  true  .  .  .  and  so  our  spiritual  horizon  is 
enlarged,  our  convictions  become  more  living, 
more  truly  our  own,  since  their  truth  has  been 
tested  and  proved;  above  all,  the  rich  variety 
of  method  which  God  employs  to  win  souls  to 
Himself  awakens  within  us  a  deeper  sense  of 
His  power. 


CHAPTER   XX 

AN    ATTRACTIVE    MINISTRY 

'For  when  God  has  all  that  He  should  have  of  thy  heart, 
when  thou  art  wholly  given  up  to  the  obedience  of  the  light 
and  spirit  of  God  within  thee  .  .  .  then  it  is  that  everything 
thou  dost  is  a  song  of  praise,  and  the  common  business  of  thy 
life  is  a  conforming  to  God's  Will  on  earth  as  angels  do  in 
heaven/ — William  Law. 

As  the  end  of  her  life  drew  near,  Adele  Kamm 
seemed  to  enter  into  a  '  far-stretching  land,' 
where  her  vision  was  purified,  and  her  eyes  were 
opened  to  see  much  that  had  hitherto  been  con- 
cealed. It  would  be  understating  the  case  to  say 
that  she  grew  absolutely  tolerant  towards  those 
whose  opinions  differed  from  her  own  :  tolerance 
is  a  negative  virtue,  and  may  very  easily  take  on 
a  shade  of  slight  contempt.  She  had  such  an 
open  mind,  and  such  a  loving  heart,  that,  without 
any  apparent  effort,  she  had  acquired  the  rare 
grace  of  intellectual  charity.  A  firm  believer  in 
her  own  creed,  which  meant  so  much  to  her,  she 


210         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

could  yet  quite  well  understand  that  an  entirely 
different  form  of  faith  might  be  more  acceptable 
to  other  minds.  *  The  longer  I  live,'  she  wrote 
to  Mr.  H.,  '  the  more  I  perceive  that  every  ex- 
pression of  religious  truth  is  imperfect,  and  that 
the  most  elementary  form  has  a  value  of  its  own 
as  well  as  the  most  enlightened.  I  see  that  there 
is  really  only  one  religion,  i.e.  that  which  Christ 
instituted  when  He  said :  "  Thou  shalt  love  the 
Lord  thy  God  with  all  thy  heart,  and  thy  neigh- 
bour as  thyself  "  ;  Agnostics,  Protestants,  Roman 
Catholics,  all  are  one  in  my  sight.  We  are  all 
brethren,  weak  and  sinful  creatures,  for  whom 
Christ  died  ! ' 

An  interesting  visitor  came  to  see  her  one  day  : 
a  young  man  of  twenty-three  years  of  age,  who 
had  belonged  to  a  society  of  free-thinkers,  but 
who  had  resigned  his  connection  with  it  owing  to 
the  disgust  he  felt  at  the  bigoted  spirit  displayed 
by  the  other  members.  About  that  time  a  copy 
of  Adele  Kamm's  pamphlet.  Joyful  in  Tribulation, 
fell  into  his  hands ;  he  read  it,  and  was  so  much 
impressed  by  it,  that  he  wrote  to  the  young 
authoress,  and  requested  the  favour  of  a  personal 
interview. 


AN  ATTRACTIVE  MINISTRY         211 

*  Poor  hoy,  he  has  been  an  orphan  since  he  was 
twelve  years  old,  and  has  had  no  other  moral 
guidance  than  that  of  some  philosophical  free- 
thinkers, whose  one  aim  was  to  rob  him  of  his 
only  treasure,  his  faith,'  wrote  Adele  Kamm  to 
Mrs.  H.  R.  on  the  19th  of  May  1910.  'Oh, 
if  they  could  only  have  heard  the  broken,  agonised 
cries  of  this  wounded  spirit,  they  might  then  have 
realised  the  havoc  they  had  wrought  !  We  talked 
for  two  hours,  alone  in  my  room,  overshadowed 
by  the  Presence  of  God.  To  me  it  was  indeed 
a  red-letter  day  !  It  was  most  beautiful  to  see 
a  young  man  making  the  decision  to  turn  his 
back  on  sin,  impelled  by  an  earnest  desire  to 
become  a  power  for  good  and  an  example  to  others, 
and  I  could  not  help  thinking  how  glad  his  parents 
would  have  been  to  see  this  day.  .  .  .  Indeed, 
yesterday  I  felt  that  I  was  in  the  place  of  both 
mother  and  sister  to  this  poor  lad,  and  I  know 
that  he  felt  it  too.  He  was  so  unhesitating  in 
his  confidence,  and  so  resolute  in  his  decision. 
Speaking  of  faith  he  told  me  that  he  found  it  im- 
possible to  believe  with  his  reasoning  faculty,  but 
that  after  he  had  read  my  little  book  he  threw 
his  whole  heart  into  a  supreme  act  of  faith ;  that 


212         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

is  to  say,  his  restless  conscience  drove  him  to  seek 
the  Saviour's  forgiveness,  and  the  power  to  rise 
up  and  begin  a  new  Hfe.  He  was  deeply  dis- 
tressed by  intellectual  doubts,  but  I  told  him 
that  a  faith  based  on  instinct  was  just  as  valuable 
as  one  which  could  be  confirmed  by  reason,  and 
that  the  latter  was  rather  to  be  considered  a 
supreme  blessing,  a  gift  of  God  to  those  who  had 
spent  many  years  in  His  service. 

'  I  did  not  try  to  prove  to  him  in  any  cut-and- 
dried  fashion  that  Christ  is  the  Son  of  God,  and 
that  the  Bible  is  fully  inspired.  I  simply  said  that 
no  human  being,  either  sceptic  or  believer,  could 
assert  or  deny  these  things,  but  that  every  belief 
which  raises  us  above  ourselves,  which  strengthens 
us  in  the  struggle  between  good,  and,  evil,  is  a  dogma 
before  which  we  must  bow  in  reverence,  a  sure  re- 
fuge which  we  should  never  desert,  though  we  must 
remember  that  this  same  tenet  may  be  of  no  value 
to  another  person,  but  that  some  entirely  different 
form  may  suit  him  better?-  When  I  saw  the  ex- 
pression of  intense  relief  which  came  over  his  face 
as  I  said  this,  I  understood  how  wrong  it  would 
have  been  to  have  tried  to  prove  to  him  the  truth 

*  The  italics  are  the  author's. 


AN  ATTRACTIVE  MINISTRY         213 

of  the  Creeds.  There  comes  a  time  when  the 
disciples  of  "  Free  Thought "  rebel  against  its 
narrowness,  and  turn  to  faith  that  they  may  be 
able  to  breathe  freely.  If  they  find  the  same 
restrictions  in  the  other  direction  they  will  be 
chilled  and  thrown  back  on  themselves.  Oh, 
our  responsibility  is  indeed  great !  The  only 
safety  lies  in  broad-mindedness,  and  there  again 
the  dangers  are  many.  .  .  .  How  far  may  we  be 
tolerant  ?  It  is  a  difficult  ministry,  difficult  on 
account  of  the  responsibility  which  we  tacitly 
assume,  whichever  way  we  look  at  it ;  and  when 
we  reflect  that  the  guidance  of  souls  is  in  our 
hands,  we  should  indeed  feel  quite  overwhelmed 
were  it  not  that  we  realise  that  we  are  only  the 
instruments  of  the  Divine  Will.' 

On  the  margin  of  that  beautiful  book  by 
Mr.  Wilfred  Monod,  Silence  and  Prayer,  in  which 
she  found  the  echo  of  some  of  her  most  precious 
thoughts,  among  other  remarks  Adele  Kamm 
wrote  on  page  28  :  '  Oh,  how  divine  a  word  is 
"  Love  "  !  It  gathers  up  into  itself  the  whole 
life  of  Christ,  and  the  religion  of  which  He  is  the 
Founder.  Amid  all  kinds  of  conflict  and  struggle, 
social,    economic,    political,    and    religious,    this 


214         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

watchword  rings  out  more  insistently  and  more 
searchingly  than  ever  :  "  Love  God.  Love  one 
another."  .  .  .  There  is  one  God  in  heaven,  one 
family  on  earth  !  Let  us  cast  down  everything 
that  hinders  love,  above  all  every  ecclesiastical 
barrier,  and  we  shall  find  that  all  human  beings 
are  united  in  the  bonds  of  brotherhood ;  by  their 
sufferings  and  their  aspirations,  by  their  sorrowful 
failure,  their  undying  hope,  they  form  one  sacred 
family  ...  a  fellowship  drawn  together  by  the 
longing  for  affection,  for  love  ...  if  we  can  only 
learn  to  touch  the  sensitive  place  in  every  heart, 
our  life  will  be  useful  and  full  of  blessing  !  ' 

Further  on  again,  in  a  comment  on  the  remark 
of  Mr.  Wilfred  Monod  that  '  the  modern  world 
of  to-day  is  being  drawn  into  a  wonderful  unity,' 
she  said  :  '  I  feel  the  truth  of  this  thought  very 
deeply,  for  it  is  the  spring  of  all  my  feeling  and 
all  my  thinking,  and  I  am  really  very  indignant 
with  those  Christians  who  think  themselves  more 
advanced  than  others  !  In  my  opinion  the  world 
is  divided  into  two  classes  :  believers  and  un- 
believers. May  God  pardon  and  illuminate  the 
latter,  but  the  former  are  all  on  the  same  level, 
from  the  one  who  has  the  simplest  and  most  ele- 


AN  ATTRACTIVE  MINISTRY         215 

mentary  form  of  faith,  up  to  the  one  who  Hves 
in  habitual  communion  with  God.  Much  will 
be  required  of  him  to  whom  much  has  been 
given,  and  God  alone  will  make  the  balance  right. 
It  is  quite  possible  that  those  who  think  them- 
selves the  first  will  find  that  they  are  the  last,  and 
vice  versa.  I  am  always  afraid,  since  the  publica- 
tion of  my  booklet,  that  people  will  set  me  upon 
a  pedestal  which  I  do  not  deserve.' 

Conscious  that  the  only  work  which  endures 
is  that  which  is  wrought  in  the  spirit  of  love,  she 
quietly  set  aside  every  kind  of  controversy  which 
leads  to  bitterness  and  division  of  opinion.  We 
have  already  seen  with  what  energy  the  Superior 
of  the  '  Coccinelles '  fought  against  the  sects 
which  tried  to  take  possession  of  the  lay  Order 
which  she  directed,  and  how  she  insisted  that 
this  union  of  invalids  should  not  fall  into  the 
hands  of  any  one  school  of  thought,  but  that  each 
member,  whether  believer  or  sceptic,  Roman 
Catholic,  Protestant,  or  Jew,  should  be  free  to 
express  his  or  her  own  views  with  absolute  sin- 
cerity. She  became  quite  hot  with  vexation  one 
day  when  some  one  suggested  to  her  that  she 
might  hint  to  a  certain  member  of  the  Union 


2i6         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

that  her  '  message  '  was  not  viewed  with  approval 
in  certain  quarters ;  she  repHed  that  she  did  not 
see  that  she  had  ^  any  right  to  criticise  the  mes- 
sages, and  that  the  right  to  guide  our  convictions 
belonged  to  God  alone.' 

Sectarianism  was  hateful  to  her.  She  agreed 
with  Miss  Schlumberger  on  this  point,  and  wrote 
thus  to  her  on  the  5  th  of  July  1910  : 

*  I  am  somewhat  afraid  lest  our  Invahds'  Union 
should  be  considered  at  Leysin  as  a  form  of 
exaggerated  piety,  and  this  thought  grieves  me 
sorely,  and  makes  me  almost  angry.  No,  our  one 
aim  is  to  comfort  people  who  are  ill,  and  if  you 
take  up  the  secretaryship  of  the  Leysin  branch, 
dear  friend,  you  are  absolutely  free  to  help  the 
patients  in  any  way  you  like,  even  if  you  do  not 
mention  the  subject  of  rehgion  in  the  circular 
letters.  It  is  our  custom  here  to  speak  freely  of 
religious  matters  because  our  members  are  so 
depressed,  and  ask  us  to  help  them  to  regain  their 
faith,  and  to  sustain  them  in  their  struggle.  We 
find  too  in  our  personal  experience  that  joy  in 
suffering  springs  from  one  source  alone  :  perfect 
peace,  the  result  of  entire  trust  in  God.  But  I 
would  on  no  account  see  our  union  become  a  kind 
of  fanatical  sect ;    for,  so  far  as  I  am  personally 


AN  ATTRACTIVE  MINISTRY  217 

concerned,  I  belong  to  the  Established  Church, 
and  besides,  I  respect  every  one,  whether  they  be 
fanatics,  agnostics,  Roman  Catholics,  Jews,  or 
members  of  the  EstabHshed  Church.  I  think  we 
ought  all  to  belong  to  one  church,  that  of  love, 
both  of  God  and  of  our  brethren,  and  that  there 
is  nothing  beyond  that  worth  a  moment's  notice  ! 
This  is  our  great  desire  for  the  Invalids'  Union  ; 
and  those  who  like  to  write  about  the  love  of  God 
are  welcome,  and  those  who  prefer  not  to  speak 
of  that  subject  at  all  are  left  quite  free,  and  can 
help  the  invalids  in  some  other  way.' 

The  thought  that  she  could  be  looked  upon  as  a 
little  fanatic  vexed  her  to  such  a  degree  that  she 
protested  her  innocence  most  vigorously,  and 
wrote  the  following  day  in  a  second  letter  to  Miss 
Schlumberger  : 

'  I  was  quite  bewildered  and  heart-broken  at  the 
idea  that  the  Leysin  people  could  consider  me, 
and  our  beloved  Union,  at  all  fanatical.  No 
indeed,  I  feel  I  am  unworthy,  worldly,  and  full 
of  faults,  and  very  far  from  the  state  of  gloomy 
perfection  which  usually  accompanies  that  type  of 
exaggerated  piety.''  ^ 

There   may  be,  in  her  writings    rather    than 

1  The  italics  are  the  author's. 


2i8         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

in  her  letters,  among  much  that  is  charmingly 
natural  and  spontaneous,  an  occasional  trace  of 
the  stereotyped  phraseology  of  our  religious 
literature  ;  or  again,  she  may  now  and  then  use 
some  of  those  unavoidable  metaphors  drawn  from 
the  pastoral  life  of  the  Hebrew  people,  but  this 
is  only  because  one  would  need  to  be  a  genius 
to  find  new  and  living  expressions  for  present- 
day  religious  experience.  Certainly  it  would  be 
too  much  to  expect  from  a  young  girl  who  was 
unversed  in  the  art  of  literature.  We  must  learn 
to  understand  that  when  she  used  conventional 
religious  phrases  she  was  trying  to  pour  out  the 
fervent  and  glowing  experiences  with  which  her 
heart  was  overflowing. 

Indeed,  the  sanctimonious  religious  phraseology 
of  the  fanatic  never  came  naturally  to  her.  You 
only  had  to  hear  her  speak,  or  to  see  her  smile,  to 
feel  convinced  of  that  !  She  greeted  all  her 
visitors  with  a  radiant  smile.  She  even  smiled  at 
God,  and  that  was  one  of  her  methods  of  prayer. 
She  said  one  day,  *  We  must  smile  at  God  through 
our  tears ;  we  ought  to  smile  up  at  Him  in  the 
hour  of  death  !  '  She  faced  the  problems  of  life 
and  death  with  steadfast  gravity,  but  after  all 


AN  ATTRACTIVE  MINISTRY         219 

she  was  still  a  young  and  merry  girl,  full  of  play- 
fulness, brimming  over  with  innocent  fun.  As 
we  have  seen  she  insisted  that  gaiety  was  an 
invalid's  duty,  and  she  carried  out  this  principle 
in  the  happiest  and  most  natural  manner.  This 
is  by  no  means  the  least  profitable  element  in  the 
example  she  has  left  behind  her.  Winsome  Chris- 
tianity is  a  great  blessing,  and  it  would  be  good  for 
us  to  learn  to  smile  at  God  and  at  man.  We 
profess  to  desire  to  live  up  to  the  apostolic  injunc- 
tion, '  Rejoice  evermore  !  '  but,  alas,  the  atmo- 
sphere around  us  is  so  gloomy  that  our  influence 
is  rather  that  of  the  proverbial  wet  blanket !  If 
a  duty  is  not  disagreeable  we  wonder  whether  it 
can  be  a  duty  at  all !  Too  often  we  live  on  the 
marshy  levels  where  the  dank  mists  of  depression 
are  for  ever  brooding.  We  give  way  to  tedium, 
under  the  impression  that  we  are  leading  a 
religious  life.  Never  were  we  more  mistaken  ; 
stuck  fast  in  the  Slough  of  Despond,  a  radiant 
faith  is  impossible.  Beyond  dispute,  dulness  is 
utterly  inconsistent  with  the  spirit  of  our  holy 
religion.  In  the  midst  of  her  suffering  Adele 
Kamm  vanquished  it  completely,  and  this  was 
not  the  least  of  her  achievements. 


CHAPTER  XXI 

THE    DISTINCTIVE    FEATURES    OF   ADELE    KAMm's 
RELIGIOUS    LIFE 

'The  end  of  all  God's  dealings  with  us  is  to  make  us  more 
purely  human,  and  he  is  most  human  who  has  the  largest 
fellowship,  the  most  open  soul.' — Alexander  Mackennal. 

When  the  physician  Godfried  van  Haga  was 
summoned  to  the  bedside  of  Lydwinia  of  Schiedam, 
who  at  the  age  of  fifteen  was  attacked  by  a  mys- 
terious disease,  he  dechned  to  prescribe  for  her 
in  any  way.  All  he  said  was  :  *  The  hand  of  God 
is  upon  this  child.  He  will  work  miracles  through 
her.  Would  to  Heaven  that  she  were  my 
daughter  !  I  would  gladly  give  the  weight  of 
her  head  in  gold  for  this  favour  were  it  for  sale  ! '  ^ 
Something  of  the  same  sort  might  have  been  said 
of  Adele  Kamm.  The  doctors  of  Lausanne  and 
Geneva  were  powerless  to  help  her  ;    they  were 

*  J.  K.  Huysmans,  Sainte  LyJ-winie  de  Schiedam,   p.  77  5  Paris, 
Plon.     In  the  above-mentioned  work,  on  p.  294,  Huysmans  gives  a 
list  of  the  saints  who  have  found  their  vocation  in  suffering. 
220 


FEATURES  OF  RELIGIOUS  LIFE      221 

amazed  at  the  energy  with  which  she  resisted  the 
attacks  of  a  malady  which  usually  carries  off  the 
strongest  people  after  a  short  illness.  They  too 
might  have  exclaimed,  '  The  hand  of  God  is  upon 
this  child  !  '  We  cannot  fail  to  recognise  the 
close  connection  between  Adele  Kamm  and  the 
saintly  women  whom  Huysmans  describes  as 
having  '  a  vocation  for  expiatory  suffering.' 
Particularly  is  this  the  case  when  we  compare 
the  life  of  Adele  Kamm  with  that  of  Lydwinia ; 
and  the  analogy  would  be  still  more  com- 
plete could  we  eliminate  from  the  biography  of 
the  Dutch  saint  of  the  fourteenth  century  that 
element  of  the  miraculous  with  which  either 
tradition,  or  the  imagination  of  pious  chroniclers, 
has  surrounded  her  pallet.  In  both  lives  there 
is  the  same  triumphant  faith  in  the  midst  of 
agonising  suffering,  the  same  abiding  communion 
with  God,  the  same  gift  of  spiritual  attraction  and 
power  to  heal  the  diseases  of  the  soul. 

Adele  Kamm's  spiritual  state  during  the  last 
years  of  her  life  exactly  resembles  the  description 
given  by  St.  Teresa  of  those  souls  who,  after  long 
and  toilsome  ascent  along  the  path  of  pain  and 
sanctification,  have  at  last  reached  the  seventh 


222         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

circle  of  the  '  Interior  Castle.'  These  blessed 
spirits  live  a  renewed  life.  They  have  been 
purified  from  every  vestige  of  selfishness.  They 
accept  suffering  with  joy,  and  long  for  it  as  a 
privilege.  They  have  risen  above  the  stage  of 
fervent  longing  for  death  and  for  the  immediate 
enjoyment  of  eternal  felicity. 

*  Now,'  says  St.  Teresa,  '  they  are  so  filled  with 
a  burning  desire  to  serve  our  Lord,  to  glorify  His 
name,  to  be  of  use  to  some  soul,  that,  far  from 
desiring  death,  they  long  to  live  for  years,  even 
in  the  midst  of  the  most  terrible  suffering,  happy 
to  procure  at  that  price  some  of  that  praise  and 
glory  which  He  alone  is  worthy  to  receive.  Even 
if  they  knew  that  on  being  released  from  the  body 
they  would  at  once  enjoy  the  immediate  vision 
of  God,  or  if  the  thought  of  the  bliss  of  the 
departed  came  into  their  minds,  none  of  these 
things  would  move  them,  for  they  do  not  pant 
after  this  vision  and  this  glory.  Their  highest 
honour  is  to  be  able  to  render  some  service  to  the 
Crucified.'  ^  They  do  not  seek  to  penetrate  the 
regions  of  mystical  rapture  and  inward  ecstasy, 

*  Saint  Teresa,  (Eu'-vres  Mystiques,  published  by  Father  Marcel 
Bouix,  vol.  iii.  p.  525. 


FEATURES  OF  RELIGIOUS  LIFE      223 

for  they  have  the  satisfying  Presence  of  Christ 
in  their  hearts.  They  can  remain  in  the  world, 
and  live  and  work  there,  like  St.  Teresa  herself, 
who,  right  up  to  the  end  of  her  career,  carried  on 
so  much  practical  activity. 

It  is  clear  that  Adele  Kamm  reached  this 
'  seventh  heaven '  without  passing  through  all 
the  intermediate  stages  described  by  St.  Teresa. 
Her  religious  life  developed  in  a  simple  and 
straightforward  manner.  Though  she  was  pain- 
fully aware  of  her  faults,  she  was  never  paralysed 
by  a  morbid  conscience.  *  Forward  ! '  was  her  oft- 
repeated  watchword.  '  If  I  did  badly  yesterday,  I 
will  try  to  do  better  to-morrow.'  The  question 
of  her  personal  salvation  did  not  trouble  her  at 
all.  She  thought  so  much  about  other  people 
that  she  had  no  time  to  be  constantly  examining 
the  state  of  her  own  soul,  or  of  her  hopes  for 
eternity.  She  was  not  given  to  morbid  intro- 
spection, though  she  knew  how  to  retire  within 
herself.  She  never  sought  to  penetrate  the 
mysteries  of  solitary  religious  ecstasy.  She  had 
no  desire  for  spiritual  delights  which  she  could 
not  share  with  others,  and  she  took  as  much 
trouble  to  keep   in   touch  with  the  life   of  her 


224         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

day  as  a  nun  does  to  live  apart  from  it !  Forced 
by  necessity  to  lead  a  secluded  life,  by  an  effort 
of  will  she  became  free  in  spirit.  We  have  seen 
how  much  it  cost  her  to  keep  in  close  touch 
with  life.  All  the  strength  and  fervour  of  her 
soul  was  thrown  into  action.  She  was  more  like 
Martha  than  Mary  ;  she  was  indeed  a  saint,  but 
a  saint  of  the  Protestant  order. 

Even  her  prayer  took  the  form  of  action.  She 
did  not  need  to  put  it  into  words.  In  her  humility 
she  thought  that  this  was  a  weakness ;  she  con- 
fessed it  in  a  long  letter  written  on  the  14th  of 
March  1910,  just  a  year  to  a  day  before  her  death. 
In  a  spiritual  sense  this  letter  was  her  '  last  will 
and  testament.'  When  she  wrote  it  for  her  family 
and  friends,  knozv?t  and  unknown,  she  thought  that 
it  would  be  read  after  she  had  passed  away.  '  I  am 
writing  these  pages  (perhaps  they  will  be  only  a 
few  lines,  for  I  feel  very  weak)  without  any  very 
special  purpose,  excepting  that  I  want  to  say  this 
one  thing  :  I  want  to  tell  all  who,  whether  far  or 
near,  have  helped  to  cheer  me  in  my  helplessness, 
how  very  very  grateful  I  am  to  them  !  Yes,  to 
you  all,  poor  and  rich,  old  and  young,  Protestants, 
Roman  CathoHcs,  Jews,  and  Agnostics,  invahds 


FEATURES  OF  RELIGIOUS  LIFE      225 

and  strong  folk,  to  you  all  I  say,  "  Thank  you, 
thank  you,"  from  the  bottom  of  my  heart  for  aU 
that  you  have  given  me  !  You  have  all  helped 
me  more  than  you  can  imagine  during  these  years 
of  painful  discipline  ;  I  know  that  I  have  said 
this  to  many  of  you  in  the  course  of  conversation, 
but  during  these  days  of  outward  inaction  I  want 
to  allow  myself  the  luxury  of  talking  to  you  on 
paper  about  all  the  human  aid  I  have  received 
in  my  life,  and  I  am  writing  it  down  on  purpose, 
for  I  want  you  to  read  it  after  I  am  gone,  and  to 
find  it  a  means  of  cheer  and  encouragement.' 

This  '  testament '  of  Adele  Kamm's  is  divided 
into  short  chapters,  one  of  which  is  headed 
*  Prayer.'  With  her  usual  humility  she  confesses 
her  '  inability  to  pray,'  without  seeming  in  the 
least  to  realise  that  her  way  of  praying  by  doing 
good  to  others  was  the  highest  form  of  prayer 
which  can  be  conceived. 

Prayer 
*  It  is  to  you,  my  dear  jr tends,  that  I  owe  my 
experience  of  habitual  communion  with   God}     I 
have  a  confession  to  make  to  you  :   I  am  but  a 

1  The  italics  are  the  author's. 
P 


226         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

little  child  in  the  realm  of  prayer  which  leads  us 
into  the  deepest  secrets  of  the  spiritual  kingdom. 
I  have  gone  only  a  few  steps  along  this  road,  and 
I  must  frankly  confess  that  I  do  not  know  how  to 
use  this  great  power  which  lies  within  the  reach  of 
us  all.  It  often  distresses  me  that  I  have  neither 
inchnation  nor,  I  might  say,  physical  strength,  nor 
the  time  to  give  myself  up  to  prayer  as  I  ought ; 
for  I  feel  very  deeply  that  it  is  a  great  lack 
in  my  spiritual  life.  In  the  feverish,  strenuous 
life  of  the  present  day,  when  the  claims  of  activity 
are  all  engrossing,  it  is  very  rare  to  find  people 
who  are  willing  to  give  time  to  prayer,  and  I  am 
sure  that  this  omission  explains  much  of  the 
spiritual  poverty  and  lack  of  "  grip  "  in  the  life 
of  the  Church.  I  think  that  it  would  be  almost 
ideal  to  be  deprived  of  the  power  of  writing  and 
of  speech  so  that  I  might  have  a  deeper  inward 
experience,  and  especially  that  I  might  give  myself 
to  prayer,  to  learning  its  hidden  beauty,  and  in 
this  way  to  be  of  more  use  to  humanity  than  by 
all  my  activity.  But  I  seem  utterly  unable  to  pray 
in  set  forms  at  all,  either  mefitally  or  aloud,  and  so 
sometimes  I  have  to  comfort  myself  by  thinking 
that  God  uses  me  in  other  ways,  for  after  all  I 


FEATURES  OF  RELIGIOUS  LIFE      227 

am  always  working  for  Him,  and  the  days  are 
never  long  enough  for  the  service  I  would  like  to 
render. 

*  But  God  has  very  graciously  met  my  need,  and, 
as  I  am  incapable  of  observing  set  times  and  forms  of 
devotion,  He  has  led  me  into  almost  unbroken  com- 
munion with  Himself.  I  would  not  exactly  call 
it  prayer,  but  rather  the  Holy  Spirit,  working  so 
powerfully  in  my  heart,  that  all  my  thoughts  and 
actions,  whether  of  a  trifling  nature,  or  guided 
by  a  serious,  loving,  and  spiritual  purpose,  are 
wrought  in  an  atmosphere  in  which  the  spiritual 
and  material  are  so  wonderfully  blended  together 
that  they  can  no  longer  be  clearly  distinguished 
from  each  other,  and  I  myself  can  really  hardly 
tell  which  is  which  !  This  experience  brings  me 
so  much  inward  joy  and  peace,  and  also  success 
in  my  work,  that  it  quite  consoles  me  for  my 
inability  to  pray,  for  I  feel  and  know  that  the 
Holy  Spirit  unites  me  closely  to  God. 

'  As  the  Holy  Spirit  is  always  guiding  and 
inspiring  me,  it  is  not  surprising  that  a  blessing 
rests  upon  my  work,  and  that  all  my  most  beauti- 
ful dreams  have  been  exceeded  by  reality.  For 
the  last  year  I  have  been  living  in  such  an  atmo- 


228        THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

sphere  of  miracles  that  I  can  only  bless  and  adore 
God  for  His  wonderful  works ;  to  describe  them  is 
impossible.  I  feel  that  I  cannot  grasp  all  this 
joy  and  blessing ;  it  is  too  rich  and  too  varied. 
It  seems  as  though  everything  were  bursting  into 
blossom  ;  it  is  a  kind  of  spiritual  awakening — suc- 
cess crowns  everything,  my  desires,  my  aspira- 
tions, my  work,  my  friendships,  every  single  thing 
I  have  desired  for  my  family  and  for  my  friends. 
I  think  of  each  one  every  day,  and  the  more  their 
number  increases,  the  more  intense  is  my  joy,  and 
I  feel  as  though  I  were  being  borne  aloft,  supported 
by  a  garland  of  beautiful  flowers.  .  .  .  Your  love 
and  thought  and  prayer  uphold  me.  I  realise  it 
more  fully  than  ever  before.  Oh,  I  must  say 
thank  you,  thank  you,  with  all  my  heart !  and  do 
remember  that  each  one  of  you  has  a  warm  corner 
in  my  hearty  and,  also  in  my  communion  with  God. 
I  want  to  say  that  this  applies  even  to  those  to 
whom  I  cannot  write,  and  who  cannot  come  to 
see  me.  For  it  is  you  who  help  me  to  live  so  near 
to  heaven.  If  I  had  to  lead  a  solitary  existence 
I  should  be  far  too  weary  to  live  an  intense 
spiritual  life.' 

'  To  you  all,  dear  friends,  I  owe  this  sense  of 


FEATURES  OF  RELIGIOUS  LIFE     229 

abiding  communion  with  God  .  .  .  remember 
that  each  of  you  has  a  warm  place  in  my  heart, 
and  therefore  in  my  communion  with  God.' 

These  words  are  very  suggestive,  for  they  show 
us  that  the  second  part  of  the  Supreme  Law, 
'  Thou  shalt  love  thy  neighbour  as  thyself,'  was, 
in  Adele  Kamm's  mind,  so  intimately  connected 
with  the  first,  *  Thou  shalt  love  the  Lord  thy 
God  with  all  thy  heart,'  that  she  made  no  distinc- 
tion between  them.  Surely  in  this  she  attained 
the  height  of  the  Christian  ideal. 

Although  Adele  Kamm  was  much  attached  to 
the  different  clergymen  who  came  to  see  her 
regularly,  yet  she  loved  to  tease  them,  just  as 
she  teased  her  doctors.  One  day  one  of  them  was 
urging  her  to  pray  aloud  with  the  young  free- 
thinker of  whom  we  have  already  spoken,  and  she 
replied,  smiling  gaily  :  '  I  really  could  not  do  it ; 
I  leave  all  that  sort  of  thing  to  the  clergy  ! '  How- 
ever, it  is  not  necessary  to  be  a  clergyman  in  order 
to  offer  set  prayer  to  God,  either  mentally  or 
aloud.  There  are  many  Christian  people  to 
whom  this  kind  of  prayer  comes  quite  naturally, 
but  others  find  it  impossible.  Are  they  there- 
fore wrong  ?     God  knows  our  inmost  thoughts 


230         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

better  than  we,  and  does  He  not  understand  us 
before  we  have  said  a  word  to  Him  ?  When  we 
turn  to  Him,  wearied  with  all  the  sorrow  and 
struggle  of  our  earthly  life.  He  lifts  us  on  the  wings 
of  prayer  into  that  eternal  region  of  peace  and 
mystery,  where  all  human  speech  is  stilled.  From 
this  point  of  view  prayer  is  a  brief  vision  of  '  the 
things  which  are  unseen  and  eternal.'  Such  an 
experience  is  sufficient  to  assure  us  of  the  reality 
of  the  inward  life,  and  to  enable  us  to  return  to 
the  level  of  ordinary  daily  duty,  quickened  and 
restored  in  spirit. 

But  there  is  another  method  of  prayer  open 
to  those  who,  like  Adele,  have  reached  the  '  seventh 
heaven,'  from  which  all  anxiety  and  undisciplined 
longing,  all  regret,  and  even  the  disquiet  caused 
by  the  most  refined  selfishness,  have  been  for  ever 
banished.  In  that  region,  inhabited  only  by 
elect  souls,  prayer  is  an  undying  fire  ;  it  is  offered 
without  ceasing  ;  and  so  closely  is  it  blended  with 
life  that  these  pure  souls  find  it  so  natural  that 
they  are  scarcely  conscious  of  its  presence.  It 
permeates  the  humblest  actions  and  fills  them 
with  the  atmosphere  of  eternity.  It  does  not  so 
much  bring  Divine  help  to  a  fainting,  dispirited 


FEATURES  OF  RELIGIOUS  LIFE      231 

soul,  as  come  into  living  touch  with  a  soul  already- 
radiant  with  the  eternal  glory,  a  life  so  generous 
that  it  can  hold  back  no  spiritual  blessings  for  its 
own  use.  It  shines  through  the  soul,  as  a  sunbeam 
shines  through  a  prism  of  finest  crystal,  breaking 
up  the  light  into  the  most  glorious  colours.  The 
soul  which  prays  on  this  wise  is  a  mediator.  All 
that  it  receives  is  at  once  given  out  to  others, 
lavished  on  them  out  of  the  rich  treasures  of  a 
loving  heart.  The  self-life  has  been  destroyed, 
and  the  one  concern  is  to  pray  for  others.  Adele 
Kamm's  prayer  was  of  this  character.  It  would 
indeed  be  difficult  to  imagine  a  higher  or  more 
perfect  expression  of  communion  with  the  Unseen. 
Her  strength  lay  in  her  attitude  of  faith.  She 
believed  in  God,  she  believed  in  man.  This  spirit 
sustained  her  in  all  her  work  and  activity.  She 
said  so  herself  in  her  last  message  to  her  friends. 

Faith 
'  If  any  one  were  to  ask  me,  "  What  is  the  thing 
in  your  Hfe  that  gives  you  the  purest  happiness  ?  " 
I  should  answer,  "  Faith  in  God,  and  faith  in 
humanity."  But  I  am  sure  that  this  reply  would 
cause  a  slight  shade  of  amusement  to  flicker  over 


232         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

your  face.  "  Yes,  indeed,"  you  would  say,  "  that 
is  all  very  well  for  a  child  who  is  sheltered  from 
the  world,  away  from  all  its  strain  and  stress ! " 
And  sometimes  it  has  made  me  smile  to  hear 
people  talk  like  that,  but  I  have  never  tried  to 
answer  them,  for  we  alone  know  (each  of  us  in 
our  own  way)  how  strange  and  wonderful  the 
circumstances  of  our  lives  have  been.  No  other 
soul  knows  that  inward  history  of  lonely  conflicts, 
of  crushing  blows  received  and  borne  in  silence, 
or  perhaps  of  painful  discipline,  anguish,  and 
disappointment,  which  has  made  up  our  secret 
life  by  the  time  we  have  reached  the  age  of 
twenty  or  twenty-four !  It  is  indeed  quite 
unnecessary  that  these  facts  should  be  known,  the 
one  thing  that  does  matter  is  to  find  out  whether 
we  are  making  progress  in  the  school  of  faith  or 
not  ..."  that  is  the  question."  Well,  as  far 
as  I  am  concerned,  my  chief  happiness  Hes  in 
this  :  I  am  always  able  to  trust  more  and  more. 
For  a  long  time  I  have  been  rejoicing  in  the 
experience  of  absolute  trust  in  God,  as  He  is 
revealed  in  Jesus  Christ,  and  for  the  last  two 
years  I  have  learnt  to  feel  the  same  towards 
mankind. 


FEATURES  OF  RELIGIOUS  LIFE      233 

'  Every  human  soul  needs  warmth.  How  many 
frozen  hearts  there  are  in  the  world  who  really 
long  for  warm_th,  but  who,  miserable  at  not 
finding  it,  freeze  up  other  people  as  well  as 
themselves  by  chilling  all  their  warm  impulses 
of  faith  and  trust !  And  this  accounts  for  that 
cold  and  formal  spirit  which  we  sometimes  find 
prevailing  among  a  whole  nation,  or  in  a  certain 
section  of  society,  or  perhaps  in  a  single  family 
circle.  Often,  however,  it  is  the  other  way 
round,  and  then  the  result  is  truly  wonderful. 
All  kinds  of  things  may  be  infectious,  but  the 
infection  of  faith  is  the  best  and  happiest  and 
most  beautiful  of  all.  Christ's  spirit  of  love  is 
catching,  for  men's  hearts  were  cold  beyond 
belief  until  He  came  "  with  healing  in  His  wings." 
You,  dear  people,  my  relatives  and  friends,  who 
have  filled  my  invalid  life  with  warmth  and 
brightness,  either  consciously  or  unconsciously, 
you  have  been  obeying  Christ's  law  of  love,  and 
so  you  have  made  me  the  happiest  soul  alive  ! ' 

The  grace  of  a  trustful  spirit  is  exceedingly 
rare  in  these  days.  How  many  vigorous  and 
healthy  young  people  are  full  of  distrust  towards 
themselves,   other   people,   and   Hfe   in   general ! 


234         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

Can  they  be  surprised  that  the  Hfe  in  which  they 
do  not  beHeve  trembles  beneath  their  feet,  and 
they  feel  themselves  sinking  in  the  quicksands  of 
hopeless  doubt  ?  Adele  Kamm  doubted  nothing. 
She  believed  in  the  work  of  her  hands.  She 
believed  in  the  power  of  goodness.  She  believed 
in  the  good-will  of  all  those  with  whom  she  had 
to  do  in  such  a  way  that  they  found  it  impossible 
to  betray  her  confidence.  As  her  physical 
strength  declined  the  inward  forces  of  her  faith 
and  hope  renewed  her  vigour  on  another  plane. 
She  was  borne  along  by  the  fervour  with  w^hich 
she  threw  herself  into  her  work.  And  her  en- 
thusiasm was  infectious.  '  It  is  worth  while 
lying  in  bed  for  years,'  wrote  one  of  her  corre- 
spondents to  me,  '  to  come  into  touch  with  such 
a  saintly  soul.  She  has  made  our  invalid  lives  so 
rich  and  fruitful ! '  When  we  look  at  this  trans- 
figuration of  disease  we  may  well  pause  and 
wonder  whether  it  is  sickness  at  all !  Indeed, 
this  helpless  invalid  overflowed  with  the  most 
abundant  spiritual  health  that  we  can  imagine. 


CHAPTER  XXII 

LAST   DAYS 

'  After  this,  I  beheld  until  they  were  tome  Into  the  land  of 
Beulah,  where  the  sun  shineth  night  and  day.  Here,  because 
they  were  weary,  they  betook  themselves  awhile  to  rest.  .  .  . 
Then  the  pilgrims  got  up,  and  walked  to  and  fro.  But  how 
were  their  ears  now  filled  with  heavenly  noises,  their  eyes 
delighted  with  celestial  visions  ! ' — Ihe  Pilgrim  s  Progress. 

During  the  summer  of  1910  Adele  Kamm's  con- 
dition grew  worse.  She  had  an  attack  of  dry- 
pleurisy  which  affected  both  lungs,  and  on  the 
1 8th  of  July  she  wrote  to  Mrs.  H.  R.  :  *  I  am 
unable  to  move  an  inch,  and  I  have  great  diffi- 
culty in  breathing  ;  but  my  heart  is  holding  out 
well,  and  they  think  that  I  shall  get  over  this 
illness,  for  I  do  not  feel  very  weak  in  spite  of  a 
temperature  of  104°.  Every  one  is  amazed  at 
my  vitality,  and  I  wonder  myself  how  much  it 
will  take  to  kill  me  !  However,  I  feel  so  tranquil, 
so  freed  from  earthly  distractions,  so  wonderfully 
upheld  through  these  days  of  suffering  (though 


236         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

I  believe  no  one  could  bear  more  !),  that  yester- 
day, as  I  listened  to  the  hum  of  life  outside,  I  felt 
there  was  still  so  much  to  be  done,  that  in  spite 
of  being  so  ill  I  had  no  moral  right  to  desert  my 
post.' 

Goethe  has  said  that  a  man  cannot  die  until  he 
is  willing  to  do  so,  and  as  far  as  Adele  Kamm  was 
concerned  this  paradoxical  saying  seemed  to  be 
literally  true.  For  a  long  time  her  doctors  had 
been  completely  baffled  by  this  extraordinary 
'  case.'  According  to  all  the  well-established 
laws  of  medical  science  she  should  have  died  long 
before  !  She  only  kept  herself  alive  by  sheer 
force  of  will,  by  the  fixed  determination  to  live 
for  others,  to  fulfil  her  task  right  up  to  the  very 
end.  When  she  had  pulled  through  this  attack 
of  pleurisy  she  declared  she  was  quite  satis- 
fied. It  had  been  suggested  that  she  should 
have  a  trained  nurse,  but  she  had  not  agreed  to 
this,  for  she  dreaded  losing  the  sweet  privacy  of 
her  rose-coloured  room,  and  above  all  ^  the 
precious  soHtude  of  the  night.'  '  At  night  I 
enjoy  much  inward  peace,'  she  wrote,  '  for  I  feel 
so  wonderfully  upheld,  and  I  hope  to  pass  away 
when  I  am  quite  alone,  and  full  of  the  joy  of  going 


LAST  DAYS  237 

home  to  God,  without  seeing  the  sorrow  of  those 
whom  I  love  better  than  myself.  And  I  love  to 
be  alone  even  when  I  feel  very  ill,  for  I  have  no 
fear;  whereas  if  any  one  sits  up  with  me  my 
peace  is  disturbed,  as  I  depend  then  on  other 
people  rather  than  upon  God  and  myself.' 

During  the  acute  stage  of  this  illness  she  had 
been  obliged  to  sit  up  in  bed  day  and  night, 
which  was  an  almost  intolerable  strain  for  the 
vertebrae  of  the  neck,  which  were  affected  by  the 
disease.  As  she  grew  better  she  was  able  to  lie 
down  without  feeling  choked,  and  the  relief  was 
intense.  Her  throat,  however,  had  become  in- 
flamed owing  to  the  weakening  of  the  neck 
vertebrae,  but  she  said  that  she  had  found  '  a 
splendid  way  '  of  easing  that  by  inhaling  menthol 
from  time  to  time.  Then  the  disease  broke  out 
in  fresh  places.  She  had  several  internal  abscesses, 
but  these  she  called  *  quite  ordinary  troubles,' 
and  she  did  not  pay  much  attention  to  them. 
*  In  fact,'  she  wrote  in  all  seriousness,  '  I  am 
scarcely  ill  just  now.' 

However,  this  period  of  comparative  respite 
from  acute  suffering  did  not  last  long,  and  on  the 
1st  of  August  she  wrote  to  Mrs.  H.  R.  : 


238         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

'  This  morning  Dr.  M.  came  to  see  me  ;  he  is 
acting  as  locum  tenens  for  my  own  doctor,  Dr. 
v.,  who  went  away  yesterday  for  a  fortnight's 
hohday.  Dr.  M.  had  attended  me  for  my  neck 
trouble,  but  he  had  never  sounded  my  lungs. 
He  was  very  bright  and  cheerful  until  after  he 
had  sounded  me,  but  then  he  looked  so  sad  that 
I  felt  quite  touched  by  his  expression.  After  he 
had  gone  I  found  out  indirectly  that  he  said  as 
he  was  leaving  that  considering  the  state  of  my 
chest,  he  could  not  understand  what  kept  me 
alive,  unless  it  was  energy,  and  that  at  any 
moment  my  breathing  might  stop  altogether. 
I  am  so  glad  to  know  that ;  it  has  given  me  fresh 
courage}-  It  only  confirms  what  I  had  guessed 
myself ;  and  as  I  do  not  feel  at  all  weak  I  may 
expect  to  be  active  up  to  the  last.  I  don't 
think  my  energy  will  be  exhausted  yet,  for  I 
feel  overflowing  with  life.  Evidently  it  is  in- 
voluntary, or  else  it  has  become  so  habitual  that 
I  am  scarcely  conscious  of  exerting  it.  What  I 
do  feel  is  that  the  pain  is  almost  unbearable,  but 
I  think  that  I  am  getting  used  to  this  extremely 
acute  kind,  and  I  am  learning  to  bear  it  better, 

1  The  italics  are  the  author's. 


LAST  DAYS  239 

and  above  all  I  think  it  is  affecting  my  temper 
less ! 

*  However,  I  do  suffer  very  much  at  times, 
particularly  when,  for  hours  or  even  for  whole 
days,  I  feel  as  though  I  were  poisoned  right 
through ;  and,  try  as  I  will,  I  cannot  shake  off 
these  most  disagreeable  sensations.  When  I  am 
like  this  I  can't  see  properly.  I  tremble  all  over, 
and  feel  great  distress,  and  I  am  not  myself  at 
all.  I  have  tried  everything  I  can  think  of, 
moving  and  talking,  but  nothing  does  any  good  ; 
and  then,  suddenly,  in  a  minute  or  two,  every- 
thing gets  right  again,  and  I  wonder  whether  I 
can  have  been  dreaming  !  I  feel  much  depressed 
at  these  times  and  terribly  overwrought  and  nerv- 
ous, but  rather  than  let  myself  go,  or  give  way  to 
tears,  which  would  only  increase  my  misery,  I 
find  that  the  best  thing  to  do  is  to  write,  and  so 
to  force  my  thoughts  into  a  useful  channel.  It 
is  the  only  relief  I  have  discovered  as  yet.  So, 
dearest,  you  see  why  I  have  sent  you  such  long 
letters,  and  how  much  you  help  me.  I  often 
write  at  night  for  the  same  reason.  I  have  got 
piles  of  MSS.  which  have  helped  me  over  these 
difficult  places.     On  the  same  day  on  which  I  last 


240         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

wrote  to  you,  I  began  to  think  about  a  promised 
Christmas  letter/  and  the  following  night  I  wrote 
it  straight  off.  I  was  delighted  to  find  that  the 
entire  Committee  was  pleased  with  it,  and  Mrs.  N. 
insisted  on  coming  to  see  me  herself,  to  tell  me 
of  their  gratitude.  She  is  an  angel !  We  have 
worked  together  a  good  deal  over  various  plans 
for  helping  sick  people. 

*  Now  that  I  am  better  visitors  venture  into 
my  room  more  often,  and  I  don't  know  what  to 
do,  for  I  should  like  a  little  quiet  time  to  finish 
off  some  of  the  things  which  are  still  on  my  mind. 
All  my  friends,  whom  I  love  so  dearly,  and  who 
have  given  me  such  long-continued  affection, 
want  to  see  me  now  that  the  attack  of  pleurisy 
has  passed,  for  they  know  that  I  am  very  ill. 
I  scarcely  know  how  to  manage  it,  for  there  are 
such  a  lot  of  them  !  I  think  I  shall  try  to  see  two 
or  three  a  day.  If  you  could  see  me  now,  you 
would  almost  wonder  whether  I  am  ill  after  all  ! 
There  is  nothing  around  me  to  suggest  illness, 
and  the  room  is  rose-coloured,  bright,  and  gay 
with  flowers.     I  have  not  changed  at  all,   save 

1  Adele  Kamm  had  been  asked  to  write  this  letter  (which  ought 
to  be  printed)  for  the  patients  in  the  hospitals. 


LAST  DAYS  241 

that  I  am  thinner.^  The  worst  of  it  is  that 
I  still  love  to  laugh  and  chatter  nonsense,  and 
that  is  bad  for  my  chest  and  for  my  mouth,  but 
that  doesn't  matter  i  Just  fancy,  Helene,  how 
fortunate  it  is  that  my  tongue  is  all  right ;  that 
and  my  stomach  are  the  two  parts  which  are  in 
order  !  Sometimes  I  can't  help  laughing  when 
I  think  what  my  visitors  must  feel  when  they  look 
at  ,  this  smiling,  pink-beribboned  doll,  and  she 
suddenly  begins  to  talk  about  the  gravest  problems, 
and  discourses  to  them  about  heaven  !  It  must 
be  very  funny !  What  a  pity,  Helene,  that  you 
can't  see  me  !  ' 

The  heart  trouble  grew  worse  at  the  beginning 
of  September.  The  pulsations  were  so  irregular 
that  the  doctors  thought  death  must  be  very 
near.  Adele  had  to  sit  up  and  lean  forward, 
and  this  position  increased  the  inflammation 
of  the  vertebrae,  and  an  abscess  formed  in  the 
neck.  ^  It  is  very  dilhcult  to  die,'  she  wrote  on 
the   7th   of  September   to   Mrs.   R.     Then   she 

*  Till  then  indeed  Adele,  though  much  emaciated  in  body,  had 
scarcely  changed  in  appearance.  Her  features  still  looked  wonder- 
fully young  and  fresh ;  we  see  this  in  her  last  photograph,  a  full- 
face  one,  taken  by  Mr.  H.  It  is  the  one  which  forms  the 
frontispiece  to  this  book.  Her  face  did  not  change  much  until  just 
before  the  end. 


242         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

added  :  '  If  you  could  only  imagine  how  quiet 
and  happy  I  feel.  ...  I  am  already  on  the  other 
side  of  the  dark  river.  I  do  not  believe  the  pass- 
ing will  be  difficult,  but  if  it  is,  this  beautiful 
peace  will  accompany  me.  I  suffer  much  from 
the  internal  abscesses  which  give  me  constant 
pain,  and  my  neck  hurts  me  very  much,  owing 
to  the  fact  that  I  am  obliged  to  sit  up  day  and 
night.  .  .  .  My  mother  and  sister  are  angels  ! 
They  nurse  me  so  well  that  I  am  positively 
spoiled.  ...  I  think  much  of  you,  my  darling, 
and  love  you  !  You  know  that  I  am  not  writing 
letters  at  all  now,  and  so  I  want  to  express  all  my 
tender  love  for  you  in  this  one,  which  may  be 
the  last  I  shall  be  able  to  send  you,  and  to  tell 
you,  what  you  already  know  very  well,  that  you 
have  made  this  last  year  of  my  life  very  beautiful, 
and  that  you  will  do  the  same  for  many  other 
sufferers,  if  God  spares  you.  .  .  .  Then  we  shall 
meet  again  where  there  is  no  more  pain,  no  more 
separation.' 

As  soon  as  ever  she  had  rallied  slightly  she  took 
the  opportunity  of  writing  an  encouraging  mes- 
sage in  one  of  the  circular  letters  of  the  Invalids' 
Union. 


LAST  DAYS  243 

'■  zznd  September  19 10. 

* .  .  .  For  weeks  I  have  been  terribly  ill  with 
an  attack  of  arythmia  of  the  heart,  and  then  I 
had  a  succession  of  abscesses,  the  pain  of  which 
exhausted  me  to  such  an  extent  that  I  looked  like 
a  ghost  when  I  began  to  get  better  about  a  week 
ago.  This  accounts  for  my  silence.  I  have 
enjoyed  the  relief  of  being  able  to  lie  down  for 
the  last  week,  and  I  am  in  less  pain.  For  the 
first  time  since  the  ist  of  July  I  do  not  need  to 
fight  for  my  life,  and  I  cannot  tell  you  what  a 
comfort  it  is  !  People  say  that  I  look  better 
already,  and  I  have  picked  up  enough  strength 
to  write  the  most  pressing  letters.' 

This  partial  recovery  was  not  much  to  boast 
of.  Poor  child,  she  was  easily  satisfied,  and  she 
added  : 

'  You  will  be  amazed  to  learn  that  during  this 
good  week  {sic!)  I  have  had  a  temperature  of 
102°  to  104°,  and  I  have  had  shivering  fits  every 
two  hours  (caused  by  the  state  of  the  lungs). 
However,  this  fever  has  exhilarated  rather  than 
depressed  me,  for  I  am  seeing  the  bright  side  of 
everything,  and  I  feel  happy  and  good-tempered, 
which  was   not   the   case   during   the   preceding 


244         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

weeks.  Oh !  it  is  delightful  to  feel  sweet- 
tempered  again,  it  makes  everything  run  smoothly. 
My  mind  is  full  of  all  sorts  of  happy  memories, 
and  this  beautiful  autumn  weather  has  a  charm 
all  its  own.  I  feel  so  grateful  for  these  few  days 
of  respite.' 

'  A  few  days  of  respite ' ;  she  could  not  expect 
more  than  that  in  such  a  condition  of  health. 
No  one  could  imagine  what  kept  her  alive  !  On 
the  1 2th  of  October  she  wrote  to  Mrs.  H.  R.  : 
'  It  is  true  that  I  cannot  swallow  anything  solid — 
I  can  only  drink.  .  .  .  But  I  am  gaining  strength, 
I  look  better,  and  perhaps,  after  all,  I  may  still 
live  through  the  winter.  ...  I  believe  that  I 
shall  get  along  quite  well,  right  up  to  the  very 
end.' 

Sure  of  entire  sympathy  from  Mrs.  R.,  who 
agreed  with  her  about  the  necessity  of  facing 
'  cold  reality,'  and  of  allowing  no  charming 
illusions  to  bHnd  her  to  the  truth,  Adele  con- 
fided to  her  all  her  weakness.  The  knowledge 
that  she  was  absolutely  understood  gave  her  great 
comfort.  When  she  had  to  deal  with  people  who 
were  less  brave  than  herself  she  showed  the  same 
gallant   front,    and   she   found   real   pleasure   in 


LAST  DAYS  245 

copying  out  the  following  poem  by  Mme.  M. 
Melley,  which  was  partly  the  echo  of  her  own 
private  feelings  : 

'  I  would  have  the  heart  be  brave — the  soul  be  strange  to  fear, 
I  would  have  each  man  support  his  cross  unbent, 
And    if   faith  reel,    I    would    have    the   Lord   incline   His 
ear, 
And  none  but  He,  to  cries  of  grief  long-pent. 

Whate'er  the  vulture  be  that  gnaws  our  heart  within. 
Let  not  the  face  the  hidden  anguish  prove. 

And  God  will  pardon  us  this  sorrow's  crafty  sin. 
If  He  can  spare  a  sigh  for  those  we  love. 

And  is  the  load  they  lift  on  earth  so  light  that  we 
Must  give  to  them  as  well  our  griefs  to  bear? 

If  some  gay  smile  of  ours  can  make  their  darkness  flee. 
Should  we  not  give  the  smile  and  hide  the  tear? 

I  would  have  the  heart  be  brave — the  soul  be  strange  to  fear, 
I  would  have  each  man  support  his  cross  unbent, 

And    if   faith    reel,   I  would    have    the   Lord  incline  His 
ear, 
And  none  but  He,  to  cries  of  grief  long-pent.' 

Time  after  time  during  October  and  November 
it  seemed  as  though  the  end  had  come.  Adele's 
body  appeared  to  be  poisoned  in  every  part.  On 
the  4th  of  November  she  wrote  :  '  On  the  Friday 
evening  of  last  week  my  condition  was  critical, 
and  I  felt  that  I  was  very  near  the  last  conflict, 


246         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

unless  I  could  rally.  During  the  night  I  felt 
easier,  and  since  then  I  have  been  able  to  breathe 
much  better.  I  am  very  weak,  but  somewhat 
rested.  .  .  .  That  is  what  I  have  to  report,  and 
I  am  finding  that  I  need  plenty  of  courage.  I 
should  not  wish  any  one  to  have  a  similar  power 
of  resistance,  but  God  knows  how  much  we  ought 
to  bear.  ...  I  am  full  of  deep  peace,  I  am  able 
to  laugh  whenever  I  feel  a  little  better,  and  I  am 
so  thankful  that  my  life  has  been  like  this.  Oh  ! 
I  love  God  more  than  ever,  but  I  feel  rather 
weary,  both  for  myself  and  for  my  dear  ones  who 
are  more  tired  out  by  these  crises  than  by  any 
amount  of  hard  work.  I  shall  be  glad  when  the 
Saviour  takes  me  in  His  arms  to  welcome  me  into 
that  land,  which  is  the  only  true  Fatherland.  .  .  . 
Nevertheless,  I  am  very  happy  here.' 

She  refused  as  long  as  she  could  to  take  anything 
to  deaden  the  pain.  Narcotics  had  a  bad  effect 
upon  her,  with  the  exception  of  veronal.  She  had 
a  dose  of  this,  on  the  evening  of  November  the  7th. 
The  next  morning  every  one  thought  that  she 
was  sinking.  Later  on,  she  managed  to  give  a 
cheerful  description  of  the  incident  :  '  I  had 
such  a  bad  night  that  I  could  not  sleep,  nor  did 


LAST  DAYS  247 

the  veronal  take  effect  till  6  a.m.  Helped  by  the 
fatigue  of  the  preceding  night  I  fell  into  such 
a  deep  sleep  that  I  did  not  wake  until  10  a.m. 
For  two  hours  I  had  been  conscious  that  there 
were  people  in  the  room,  and  that  perhaps  I 
ought  to  open  my  eyes,  but  I  really  had  no 
strength  left.  So,  when  I  did  open  them,  it 
was  a  great  surprise  to  see  Dr.  V.  preparing  a 
caffeine  injection,  and  mother  and  Henrietta 
leaning  over  me  and  crying.  It  appears  that  I 
was  so  very  pale  that  they  thought  that  I  should 
not  wake  again.  Really  I  almost  wanted  to 
laugh,  for  the  good  sleep  had  refreshed  me  ;  and 
I  did  not  feel  in  the  least  inclined  to  die  from 
exhaustion,  for  the  constant  fever  keeps  my  pulse 
going  quite  pleasantly.' 

She  knew,  however,  that  this  false  strength 
would  not  keep  her  going  for  long,  and  she  made 
all  her  final  preparations.  On  the  14th  of  Nov- 
ember, in  her  clearest  handwriting,  she  wrote  a 
last  word  of  farewell  to  her  beloved  '  Coccinelles ' : 

•  My  very  dear  Friends, — I  can  only  write  a 
few  lines,  to  send  my  love  to  you  all,  and  to  tell 
you  my  news.     I  have  been  very  ill  since  the  last 


248         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

circular  letter  was  sent  off,  and  then  last  week 
I  had  four  better  days,  during  which  I  had  the 
great  joy  of  seeing  a  few  friends,  and  of  writing 
in  the  circular  letters.  Since  yesterday,  however, 
I  have  been  feehng  very  weary,  and  this  morning 
my  lungs  were  in  such  a  state  that  I  was  very 
ill  again.  I  have  been  thinking  of  all  the  sufferers, 
known  and  unknown,  whom  God  will  soon  take 
to  Himself,  and  who  know  this  peculiar  kind  of 
weariness,  which  is  after  all  very  soothing,  for  it 
softens  all  pain  and  sensation.  I  feel  now  how 
unwise  people  are  who  wait  to  think  of  God 
until  they  are  seriously  ill.  On  the  whole,  we 
live  at  such  times  as  these  on  our  past  experience, 
for  the  least  effort,  especially  of  an  abstract  nature, 
is  too  much  for  us ;  reading  becomes  impossible, 
and  we  ought  to  have  the  Presence  of  God  in  our 
hearts  before  we  reach  such  a  state  !  I  think 
this  is  the  immediate  earthly  reward  for  having 
sought  God  when  we  were  in  full  vigour  and 
prosperity.  This  capital  has  been  accumulating 
in  a  safe  place,  and  now  it  yields  a  high  rate  of 
interest !  .  .  .  Poor,  poor  unhappy  souls,  who  wait 
for  a  catastrophe  before  they  raise  their  eyes  to 
Heaven  !     I  am  not  saying  this  to  the  members 


LAST  DAYS  249 

of  our  Union,  who  are  exemplary  in  their  faith 
and  patience,  but  I  am  thinking  of  all  those  who 
are  indifferent  to  these  things. 

*  i$t/}  November. 
'  I  will  finish  off  this  evening,  as  I  am  very  ill, 
and  extremely  weak.     My  warmest  love  to  you 
all,  my  dear  friends. — Your  AdI;le  Kamm.' 

She  was  indeed  '  very  ill ' ;  her  condition  defied 
description  !  The  invisible  forces  which  for  so 
many  years  had  been  sapping  her  life  away  now 
united  their  efforts  and  attacked  her  everywhere 
at  once.  On  the  5th  of  December  she  wrote  to 
her  intimate  friend.  It  was  the  last  letter  she 
penned  ;  it  is  a  pitiful  document,  scarcely  legible, 
where  we  can  almost  trace,  in  the  shape  of  the 
contorted,  twisted  characters,  the  terrible  pain 
which  she  endured  with  such  heroic  patience. 

Even  in  these  depths  of  suffering  she  thought 
only  of  others.  After  having  given  her  friend 
details  as  to  her  health,  and  having  said  good-bye 
to  her,  she  added  :  '  Now  I  quite  hope  to  live 
through  the  holiday  season,  and  I  shall  hold  out 
as  long  as  I  can,  for  I  would  not  like  to  leave 
mother  and  Henrietta  alone  just  now.     However, 


250         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

I  have  grown  so  much  weaker  that  we  do  not 
look  beyond  the  day.  As  for  me,  Helene,  Heaven 
is  close  at  hand,  coming  ever  nearer,  in  all  its 
glory.  You  will  think  of  your  sister  Adele  as 
one  who  has  been  wonderfully  fortunate  and 
blest,  who  has  been  privileged  to  arrive  quickly 
at  the  end  of  this  life  and  its  burdens,  and  who 
has  been  very  happy  during  these  last  three 
years.' 

It  is  a  striking  picture  :  the  heroic  girl  suffering 
a  martyrdom  of  pain,  sustained  by  the  sense  that 
'  Heaven  is  close  at  hand,'  and  yet  struggling 
with  all  her  might  against  the  merciful  release  of 
death,  because  she  did  not  wish  to  leave  her  dear 
ones  sorrowing.  She  struggled  on  for  more  than 
three  months,  with  her  poor  body  in  a  condition 
beyond  description.  She  managed  to  preserve 
a  flicker  of  life  by  keeping  absolutely  still,  but 
the  whole  of  the  right  side  (on  which  she  had  to 
lie  on  account  of  the  state  of  the  vertebrae)  was 
an  open  wound. 

During  this  period  of  long-drawn-out  agony 
she  never  once  faltered.  She  lay  there  in  a  state 
of  heavenly  peace.  As  her  body  succumbed 
little  by  little  to  the  ravages  of  illness  so  her  soul 


LAST  DAYS  251 

shone  out  with  soft  radiance.  For  her  Heaven 
was  indeed  *  close  at  hand.'  She  was  already 
nearly  there.  Once  she  thought  that  her  last 
hour    had    come    after    an    attack    of    arythmia. 

*  What  a  beautiful  day  it  will  be  for  me,'  she  said, 

*  for  I  am  at  length  going  to  see  so  many  of  those 
I  love,  for  I  have  more  friends  in  Heaven  than  on 
earth.' 

Her  mother  never  left  her  now,  fearing  the  end 
might  come  in  her  absence.  Adele  was  always 
fully  conscious,  and  she  followed  her  about  the 
room  with  her  eyes,  murmuring  a  loving  word 
now  and  again ;  sometimes  she  even  managed  to 
joke  a  little  in  order  to  comfort  her.  '  If  the 
doctors  wanted  to  mend  me,'  she  said  one  day, 

*  where  would  they  find  any  sound  parts  ?  I 
have  two  arms  and  two  legs.  Nothing  else  !  ' 
And  her  mother  replied,  '  There  is  your  heart,  my 
darling,  and  your  eyes  !  '  Indeed,  all  the  life 
that  still  remained  was  concentrated  in  her 
luminous  eyes,  which  looked  so  terribly  big  in  her 
poor  thin,  white  face.  On  the  3rd  of  March  I 
was  allowed  to  see  her  once  more,  and  I  was 
happy  enough  to  be  able  to  give  her  some  news 
which  pleased  her.     With  an  effort  she  lifted  her 


252         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

transparent  hand  and  held  it  out  to  me.  In  a 
few  touching  words  she  told  me  how  glad  she 
was  ;  her  voice  sounded  very  happy,  and  she 
looked  at  me  with  an  expression  which  I  shall 
never  forget. 

At  last,  on  Thursday  the  9th  of  March,  she 
entered  on  the  last  agony,  but  her  iron  constitution 
held  out  five  more  days.  She  suffered  terribly  ; 
for  two  whole  nights  she  groaned  without  inter- 
mission. Otherwise  she  lay  in  a  half-comatose 
condition.  She  was  given  powerful  injections 
of  pantopon,  but  as  soon  as  she  awoke  after  the 
narcotic  she  was  fully  conscious.  On  the  Monday, 
as  the  pain  was  beyond  endurance,  they  gave  her 
a  still  stronger  injection.  Adele  herself  thought 
that  she  would  not  wake  again.  *  Are  you  ready  ?  * 
she  said  to  her  mother,  '  I  am  ;  I  shall  wake  up 
in  Heaven.  Promise  me  you  will  not  cry,  think 
of  my  joy  !  '  And  then  she  added  :  '  Kiss  me 
once  more  .  .  .  but  on  my  forehead  ! '  A  few 
hours  later,  however,  she  woke  again,  and  was 
almost  disappointed  at  finding  that  she  was  still 
on  earth.  She  did  not  wish  to  hurt  her  dear 
ones,  and  said,  *  You  must  not  think  that  I  am 
not  glad  to  be  with  you  a  little  longer  '     On  the 


LAST  DAYS  253 

Tuesday  morning  ^  she  was  sleeping  heavily  under 
the  influence  of  a  sedative,  and  for  a  moment  it 
looked  as  though  she  were  going  to  wake  again. 
Her  mother,  feeling  that  she  could  not  endure 
to  see  her  suffering,  prayed  God  to  put  an  end  to 
her  martyrdom.  Suddenly  towards  eleven  o'clock 
the  drawn  features  relaxed,  she  smiled  with  one 
last  look  of  ineffable  sweetness,  then  the  peace 
of  death  enfolded  her.     All  was  over. 

1   14th  March  191 1. 


*  O  Death,  where  is  thy  sting? 
O  Grave,  where  is  thy  victory  ? ' 

All  was  over.  The  long  struggle  had  come  to 
an  end  at  last.  The  victory  was  won.  This 
death  had  been  so  long  expected,  and,  one  might 
almost  add,  so  much  desired,  by  those  who  loved 
Adele  Kamm,  that  when  it  came  it  was  surrounded 
by  an  atmosphere  of  triumphant  peace.  For  days 
and  months  we  had  watched  her  as  she  hovered 
between  life  and  death  like  a  lily  whose  short  life  is 
over,  and  who  droops  gently  towards  her  mother- 
earth.  The  merest  breath  of  air  will  be  enough 
to  carry  off  the  faded  white  blossom  ;  but  as  long 
as  it  is  untouched  it  retains  its  graceful  beauty. 

What  was  the  mighty  hidden  power  which 
bound  this  frail  girl  to  life  with  a  firmness  which 
was  little  short  of  miraculous  ?  She  still  tried 
to  smile,  and  spoke  nothing  but  loving,  courageous 
words  when  it  seemed  as  though  every  breath  she 
drew  must  be  her  last.     She  was  among  us,  and 


LAST  DAYS  255 

yet  already  we  felt  that  she  was  infinitely  above 
us.  We  waited  and  watched  her  drifting  away 
into  Eternity,  and  upon  her  face  we  caught  the 
reflection  of  the  Eternal  Dawn. 

And  now  the  last  link  has  been  broken.  But  is 
it  true  that  she  has  left  us  ?  No  !  our  blessed 
dead  do  not  leave  us ;  they  live  on  in  our  lives. 
We  feel  their  influence  more  fully  when  they  are 
no  longer  with  us  in  the  body.  Adele  Kamm  still 
lives  for  all  who  loved  her.  Her  pure  gaze  follows 
us,  and  draws  us  upwards.  Her  hand  is  in  ours 
to  lead  us  into  the  Light.  Her  life  is  even  now 
an  example  of  goodness.  She  has  overcome  the 
fever  of  unsatisfied  desire,  the  bitterness  of  regret, 
and  every  kind  of  suffering  and  anxiety — every- 
thing, in  short,  which  has  power  to  harass  and 
torment  us  in  this  world.  Her  deliverance  from 
fear  was  so  complete  that  henceforth  nothing 
could  disturb  her  serenity.  She  was  free,  abso- 
lutely free.  And  which  of  us  can  say  that  of 
ourselves  ?  Humbly,  and  we  might  even  say 
unconsciously,  she  fulfilled  her  sacred  task.  She 
proved  that  we  are  not  the  creatures  of  circum- 
stance, nor  the  sport  of  Destiny,  since  the  weakest 
of  human  beings,  in  simple  reHance  upon  God,  can 


256         THE  LIFE  OF  ADELE  KAMM 

triumph  over  the  most  tragic  fate.  Adele  Kamm 
has  taught  us  that  we  may  meet  the  mysteries  of 
pain  and  life  and  death  with  joyful  courage. 
*  Life  and  death,'  she  said  once,  *  are  alike  joy 
to  me.' 


Printed  by  T.  and  A.  Constable,  Printers  to  His  Majesty 
at  the  Edinburgh  University  Press 


